Monday, April 28, 2008

Drunken Hasidic Jews


My sweet little daughter Megan is living in the midst of Hasidic Jews in New York City. These people are Orthodox, and very strange. Sitting on the Royal Kaddizzle throne this morning I picked up my current book assignment The Year of Living Biblically. The author launches into a story about how he goes to a party with stumbling drunk Hasidic Jews. Their drunkenness is the result of a biblical passage that tells them to celebrate and dance. There is a part in the Bible where King David celebrates the arrival of the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem. King David apparently gets drunk and starts dancing so wildly his robe flies up. The family jewels are exposed. His wife brings this to his attention. Somehow this results in them being childless. So the Biblical message must be, get drunk, dance, but don't let your robe fly up if you want children. Apparently underwear was not yet invented. Underwear may be the result of this whole bible passage.

Now it would make an interesting case for a person to be arrested for public drunkenness and claim it was a religious right. It might be required you get locked in a church if convicted.

Lord Kadizzle is amazed how you can interpret the Bible to get to just about anywhere you want. Want some slaves, no problem, its in there. If you want more than one wife, it may be in there, but if it isn't you can always just revise the Bible like the Mormans did.

Last night Lord Kadizzle was reading about the cleanliness regulations in the Bible. You cannot sit in a chair where a menstruating woman has sat. The author of the book came home an started to sit in his favorite chair. His wife stopped him by telling him she had used the chair. Soon he found his wife had sat in every chair in the house just to make it hard for him to follow the Bible. He ended up sitting in his sons small midget chair. In order to follow the Bible the author carries a combination folding chair, and cane.

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