Thursday, August 17, 2017

Up Early and heading West

Kadizzles will head west.  Darch invited us to sail near Vancouver so off we go today.  Across the wild Montana, mile, after mile, until only the ocean stops us. What a change from a dried up prairie to nothing but water. Darch has a nice catamaran.  It will be a first for these monohull sailors.  If the seafood from the back of the boat is a good as Darch says we will live the life of ease.

When we cross into Canada we will leave the crazy mess of Trump behind.  However, Trump may end up with missiles raining down on the wrong country if the aim of North Korea is poor. The recent insanity of Trump has been fun to watch.  The best part was when his trainer, controller, or whatever had that " Oh No!" look on his face as Trump departed from his printed script.

We will travel through some heavy bubba country and woods that surely have gun nuts, Nazi flags, and are ready to rise up and help Trump make America Great.

As a kid you never thought some of the things  you have seen happen would.  Clinton getting a tune up from Monica was a big surprize.  Electing a black president was amazing, but a totally mentally ill man has now topped the game.  Only his hard core supporters do not notice he is suffering from some kind of strange mental illness.

A comedian had a great idea, make Trump King.  Be like England.  Have a King that is just a simple minded fool with no power.  Trump could go around in a king outfit and he would be the happiest man on Earth.  Part of the castle could have a Trump Tower.  As King he would be harmless and he could choose any titles he wants.  He could be " His royal purveyor of Truth".  As a figurehead we could send him around the world, and keep our own country safe.  Of course when he emerged from the castle there would be Trumpeteers praising him.  His majesty the grabber could ride around in a carriage pulled by donkeys.  We would tell him they were unicorns.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Washington Phillips - Denomination Blues, Pt. 1

41 Idiots

North Dakota is a great place to live, but the people do not get out much.  The legislature in North Dakota is made up of old goats.  The goats graduated from the coffee shops in their home town.  Our legislators live in a small world.  In the small world everyone needs a gun, in the small world Fox News is the only news.   Awhile back North Dakota made the national news with the pipeline protest.  The goats went wild. What should we do? One simple minded goat in the legislature came up with a law that would pretty much hold a person harmless for running down a protester with you car.  52 sane normal legislators voted against this bill, but 41 idiots voted for it.  Now that is pretty scary the high percentage of plain vanilla idiots we have elected in North Dakota.  The North Dakota legislature is owned lock, stock, and barrel by the Republicans.  North Dakota has fallen under the spell of right wing media.  Rush, KFYR radio, or some simple minded blogger make up some right wing crap, and now it is doctrine.  The typical right winger in North Dakota reads and listens to nothing but those outlets that will assure them Trump indeed was sent by God.  Reality has left the mind of the Republicans.  Trump followers believe their Jesus can do no wrong.

Monday, August 14, 2017

The Dog smelled a Democrat

Kadizzle got on the scale yesterday, the news was disheartening. The gravity in the bathroom was extreme.  To solve the problem Kadizzle headed north on his bike.  With earphones on and a good music playlist the day was about as good as it could be.  There may have even been a little tailwind.

As the road got near 1806 ten miles North of Hazen Kadizzle saw the flag pole in the yard.  Today it just had the American flag flying.  On many days a Trump flag would fly from that pole.  Kadizzle wanted to average 14.5 miles per hour for the trip so he was moving pretty well as he approached the compound of idiocy that flies a Trump flag.  On the bike speedometer it showed 20mph.  The Trump dog smelled a Democrat and came racing out onto the highway to taste the sweet meet of a fat Democrats leg.  Kadizzle thought the dog could not do twenty, but he was wrong. The dog got ahead of the bike as he nipped and almost caused a good man to go down.  Kadizzle will fight Trump and his dog to the end.  Peddling furiously Kadizzle pulled ahead.  The dog was left behind, but Kadizzle had to shortly return the same way.

You cannot reason with Trump supporters, so Kadizzle needed a plan for the return trip.  As Kadizzle pedaled toward the intersection with 1806 he searched for the appropriate weapon.  As if God intended Kadizzle to defeat the evil minion of Trump there it was.  Leaning on the fence post on the right was a long light steel pipe, perfect for educating a Trump supporter.  With the pipe Kadizzle headed back toward the Trump compound.  Sure enough his dog Steve Bannon came running after Kadizzle.  Dismounting the bike Kadizzle got into his battle stance with the pipe.  Both the dog and the Trump supporter that owned him realized what would happen.  Dog brain hesitated and rethought his attack, Trump man captured the dog and all was well.  Teddy Roosevelt said " Walk quietly and carry a big stick".   Kadizzle says ride quickly and carry a light pipe about ten feet long.  So the pipe rest about a half mile before Trumps four legged minion.   Bear spray may be the next surprise for the four legged barker.  The dog will find Democrats smell tasty, but have a bitter odor that burns your eyes and nostrils.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Who will be next?

As a young person you rarely thought about who would be next. Who would be next to be shipped to Vietnam might have been a thought, or who would be next to get married.  As an old guy 68 who will be next has become a different thought. At 68 old Kadizzle now has seen a lot of people drawn up to the great beyond.  In his career mining, and power planting Kadizzle got to know hundreds of people. Add to that friends, relatives, and the guy down the street and when you ask "Who will be next?", it takes on a big number. The system has no rhyme or reason.  A healthy person is struck down with cancer. An old goat that smoked himself to an extreme is still puffing at 70.  A skinny guy dies of a heart attack while the big lard ass who never exercised in fifty years is still stuffing himself with sausages like he is a sausage.

When the big wheel spins the good get struck down just like the rotten scoundrels.  Are those people somewhere else or are they atoms no longer associated with each other?  Each of us will have a magic moment where we find out.

So all you leave behind is the good you have done or the evil you promoted. You were on a planet with billions of people.  Did you improve it? Did you take more than your share?

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Hamburger Man

I have got to remember, it is a fine memory, that soft naked lady God meant her to be.  That is how the song goes, but this is a different memory.  A thousand, maybe two thousand years ago I worked at the Burger Chef in my little suburb of Woodsdale.  This was back in the hills of Wheeling, West Virginia. It was a high school  job.  Mike Walen, who I also played football with at Triadelphia worked there too.  His nickname was The Wale.  Mike had a habit of yelling " Duke is on" or  "Duke is off".   Duke was the older guy who managed the place for the owner.  If The Wale yelled " Duke is on"  everyone knew to put on their best behavior and sparkle things up a bit.  One day Duke somehow got into the building without The Wale knowing it.  The Wale did see Duke's car out in front as he cooked french fries.  The Wale thought Duke had just arrived when actually Duke was standing right behind him.  The Wale bellowed out " Duke is on" and then turned to find Duke right behind him.

The hamburger dispensary was deliberately designed so customers could look into the cooking area.  Being able to see the entire process meant customers could decide for themselves about the cleanliness.  The place was kept very clean.  Hamburgers were cooked on a chain.  Never since then have I seen such a set up.  The raw patties were put on the chain and as it moved through flames on top and on the bottom the meat was cooked.  The device was like a conveyor belt and could turn out a lot of hamburgers.  Sometimes during exam periods West Liberty students would order hundreds of hamburgers.

To make the math simple all prices were in 15 cent increments.  Once you got to know the multiples of 15 making change was easy.  Looking back it was amazing how much math and how many order you could do at one time.

At the end of the day often there were be some stray cheeseburgers left over.  These became lunch the next day at high school.  A lot of stories still told today took place there.  The parking lot was a gathering place for teens at that time.

Often particularly on Sundays a line would build up of people waiting to purchase food.  Some fool would come in and stare at the menu printed on a large board over the counter area.  As the person staired everyone would get irate.  Frustrated I often said " Next please, please next, can I help you or are you beyond help?".   This would somehow get the attention of the gawker, and things wouuld go on.

The pay was less than a dollar an hour, but it kept my budget going.  Pickles for the hamburgers came in large wooden barrels,  the french fries were made fresh.  A large potato peeler machine that basically sanded the skin off operated in the back.  Each potato was put by hand into a device that cut  it into fries.  The Wale cooked the fries and did a good job.  Often he was making fries and dipping a few into the tarter sauce to eat while he worked.  This did his weight no good.

One night the I was at the front counter and a customer burst through the front door.  The customer immediately flung a bag of hamburgers at me he had previously bought.  The customer yelled " I don't have to eat this crap anymore".   The man was very irate.  I ducked, and the hamburger sack flew into the back of the building.  Sort of panicking I told the man " I don't cook these things, he does" and I pointed to the night manager.  Somehow they resolved the issue, but it was fortunate the counter was built in a way customers could not get to us.

Another incident I clearly remember because it was so bizarre. The hamburger patties came premade. You dropped them quickly on the conveyor chain and let them cook.  The process became so routine no one payed much attention to what was going on, or even closely looked at the finished product.  A customer came back to the counter with a hamburger he had just purchased.  He said he wanted to show it to the manager.  Opening the hamburger there it was.  Right in the middle of the cooked patty was a piece of cowhide.  It had the skin and hair still on it.  Something had gone wrong in the processing.  The manager said to the customer " What do you want me to do about it?".  The customer said " I want another one".   The manager was a smart ass, and could not resist.  He replied " We don't have anymore like that".  I was surprised the incident was resolved so easily.  The man got another burger and seemed satisfied.

It was my first real job.  I learned a lot.  I learned to show up, shut up, put up, and grow up.  I learned how to treat people, and I learned I could do a lot more in my head than I thought.  A lot more stories could be told about what went on at the Burger Chef, but to protect the people involved you don't get to read them.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Hacked and The National Association for Advancement of Humanity.

Somehow a digital dinger hacked into our Amazon account.  Kadizzle did not get too excited, but Mrs Kadizzle went nuts.  The clandestine person who apparently was in Michigan, more likely India,  sent themselves a couple of gift certificates.  Amazon took the charges off our credit card.

The insanity was canceling cards and changing passwords.  Part of what gave Mrs Kadizzle great consternation was the fact that some of our passwords were on a computer accessible place. For security that is all the detail Kadizzle can give.  Kadizzle has now encrypted the passwords.  In the hidden little digital place the passwords now are they are not what they appear to be.  If the sneakers use their computer to try a brute force attack it will take a century or two.  The sneakers and their friends in India will see smoke coming from the computer.

The other day when Kadizzle was visiting the missile launch facility the gang stopped for lunch.  At lunch Kadizzle got a call from a woman with a thick Indian accent.  The woman claimed to be from Amazon and asked some questions about our credit card.  The restaurant was so noisy Kadizzle could not hear the woman clearly and never gave her any information, but she did seem to have the last four digits of the Amazon card.  Undoubtedly she was part of the fraud.

So now we have a higher level of security, but when we need a password it will be like the British trying to decipher the German code.  We can do it, but it will take some doing.  One thing everyone has learned by now is when you get a call from someone in India, more than likely it aint a good idea to tell them anything.  One thing they may be doing is simply verifying your phone number.  That is what Kadizzle thinks Mrs Gandhi was doing.

Kadizzle has a policy of answering his phone.  If you call and the phone does not show a legitimate person or number is calling,  you may get this answer, " Hello, this is The National Association for the Advancement of Humanity".    Next you will be asked who you are.   Sometimes this works out strangely.  Kadizzle writes a lot of letters to the Bismarck Tribune.  The Tribune always calls to verify the letters.  The Tribune number always shows up as  "unknown".  Consequently they get The National Association for the Advancement of Humanity answer.  Fortunately the Tribune has figured out how this works.  In summary if you call me and I don't know you, please identify yourself.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

The Missile Silo

Shanika, Stoupini, and Kadizzle made the long trip to Cooperstown ND.  We inspected the launch facilities for the nuclear missiles.  The woman conducting the tour had a terrible squeaky voice combined with a laugh that made you glad she was not your wife.  What a job.  Being in the Air Force as a missile launcher had to be the most boring monotonous job on Earth.  Sitting underground in a large cement egg for 24 hours did not seem like fun.  There was one bed so one person could sleep.  The silliest thing in the launch set up was the key that activated the missile.  One the key it was printed " Do Not Duplicate".   Imagine someone going to a hardware store with a key to start a nuclear war and asking the clerk to make a couple.

Everything about the launch site screamed 1950's technology, and decor.  The Russian facilities could not have been much worse.  According to our host the Russians have taken the tour at Cooperstown. Insanity is all you can think when you inspect.  With hundreds of these missiles still in operation in North Dakota it is reassuring to know we have an insane president that could easily get us into a nuclear meltdown.  The poor guys in the bunker have a very strange escape route after the war ends.  They get to emerge from a tunnel into a landscape that will be toasted.  To get up the tunnel they first have to open it. One major problem the tunnel is filled with sand.  So after the war when the food and water in the launch site are used up and leaving is the last option the fellows below have a special way to open a trap door.  When opened a lot of their living space will fill with sand from the tunnel.  Out they will scramble with most of the world's population dead or radioactive.  Emerging one might say to another " Gee I wish I had not voted for Trump".