Saturday, February 26, 2011

Gold Makes you stupid, here's proof

Bob the gold miner just explained to me how gold makes you stupid. As I walked back to our camper it occurred to me Bob himself may have been struck by the stupidity. Bob had just shown me the gold he found. Even at today's prices it may have been worth ten bucks tops. After days, perhaps weeks Bob had ten dollars worth of gold. The flecks were smaller than dandruff, and there were just two.

Last night it looked like an all out search would be started for Bob. That is how Kadizzle got to know Bob. The camp host had mentioned to Rodger that he was a little concerned because Bob had not come back to the campground for two days. Bob is in his late sixties, and has a bum leg. When Bob failed to show up last night the camp host called the Sheriff. When Kadizzle saw the sheriff show up at Bob's trailer he wandered over to see what was up. The Sheriff said a helicopter was on it's way and they were going to begin searching for Bob the gold miner. Kadizzle was a bit amazed they would even start a search out here in the middle of no where in the dark, but the Sheriff said it was required.

Shortly after the sheriff left, Bob showed up. Kadizzle explained to Bob they were about to start a major search for him and Bob took off to let the camp host he was back. Luckily the sheriff was still at the camp host residence. Bob to his credit has one of the new fangled Spot locating devices. If Bob does get in a bind he can send a satellite signal to his wife or 911. Unfortunately Bob did not tell anyone he had that capability. As Kadizzle left Bob was heading back out to the desert to spend hundreds of dollars to find another ten dollars worth of gold. Yes, gold makes people stupid.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

All Peacans go to heaven


Lord Kadizzle is not a religious man in the traditional sense, so by some quirk of fate it seems odd that he is parked at an RV spot in a monastery. However, it quickly became apparent how God works. As we pulled into the monastery it became clear their calling was pecans. The monastery folks were busy trimming the pecan trees. Kadizzle quickly figured out how the lord works. Each pecan is a soul. When the pecan falls from the tree, that is the fall from grace. At the reception area the kind lady with an angelic face and an attitude to match was a dead give away. Once the pecans fall from grace they must be gathered and cleansed of sin. After Kadizzle got the camper parked it was not long before he noticed the machinery for cleaning the sin from the souls not far behind the camper. After awhile some fellow turned up and appeared to be sorting through the pecans in the machinery. It turned out to be the lord. God explained to Kadizzle how the machine worked to cleanse the souls of sin. The first machine shook up and gently squeezed the souls to remove the lighter outer coating of sin. The next machine blew away all the easy sins. Then God gave the souls a going over and removed the rest of the sins the machine could not easily take off. God put all the souls with the final layer of sin in a five gallon bucket. In the room where the hard shell of sin was removed God showed Kadizzle how it was done by taking the machine apart. God had a clever machine that straitened the souls out, and laid them on a little conveyor. The lord explained it did not matter which way they faced, but they had to be straight. I think he was telling Kadizzle all that nonsense about Baptist, Jew, Muslim and so on did not really make a bit of difference, you just had to be straitened out when you got the hard sins removed. On the sin conveyor each soul was lined up and given a sharp tap on either the head or the ass depending on how you got straitened out. Apparently for some it was a head problem, and for others they just needed a hard kick in the ass. Once the final layer of sins were loosened another series of machines blew away as much of the evil as possible. This morning God explained to me that for the final treatment the souls were taken to a group of angels that picked away any imperfections in the souls. At this point Kadizzle's curiosity got the best of him. Kadizzle pointed out that none of the souls went to hell. God laughed, and told Kadizzle that was all just a bunch of nonsense. "What kind of God would let anyone go to hell he said?". So here we sit in paradise watching the sins get washed away, and God seems much nicer than he was ever portrayed in all those silly books people wrote about him. With all the religious paraphernalia all around the lord never suggested to old Kadizzle to pray or go to church, he just said enjoy our bird walk. The good news is God has a sense of humor. After explaining to Kadizzle how he sorted the souls, God said I got to take a bucket up to the nut house. That is where the angels give the pecans their final cleaning. Kadizzle said to the lord "I never heard the term nut house used like that". The lord said "Well we call this the crack house". I told him "Oh, I get it now, first you go to the crack house, and then the nut house". Yup saith the lord.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I spit on you Mexico (only because I can)

The Kadizzalites are hunkered down about fifteen miles from the border, maybe closer. The wind is so strong that if Kadizzle did spit it might hit Mexico. Actually Kadizzle is a fan of Mexico and Mexicans. They are good people and our policy toward them could hardly be more insane. We buy their drugs and then blame them for selling them.

We are camped at the White Water Draw bird refuge. Tomorrow morning ten thousand birds will alight from the nearby slew. It will be a sight to behold. We were here last year. Last year an illegal migrant sat on the bench as the tourist milled about. Perhaps tonight we will get a knock on the door. The Commander is in charge of defense. Should an illegal attack, The Commander will make him do the dishes and shake the rugs, in no time he will head back across the border.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Rodgers Rock

For three days Rodger has been supervising the climbers going up Sheepsheads. It has become a full time job. Rodger sits for hours staring through his binoculars watching up to six climbers at a time. Rodger now knows all the routes and can tell exactly what the next move should be. This morning Lord Kadizzle told a climber to signal by waving his arms if they needed help. The climber instead made a motion over his head with his arm like a helicopter blade. He said when you see that signal send the copter. It is amazing to see these guys go up the vertical slope. It provides hours of good entertainment. Next year we are sending Rodger up with some clothes line.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Is she crazy?

Yesterday our band of explores was finishing up the day watching the climbers risk their lives on the side of the Dragoon mountains. A 70 year old lady camping up the road had the audacity to pull right in to our camp site and join us for a nice conversation. Kadizzle offered her a beer, but she would not take one until we provided the appropriate micro brew. After some back and forth it became clear she was brave and camping by herself. She explained that she had left her cake husband back in Colorado to stare at the computer because he had no taste for the good outdoor life. The lady seemed to be enjoying her freedom. For a brief moment the conversation focused on Kadizzle. The visitor lady turned to the Commander and asked "Is he any good in bed". Without hesitation the commander gave Kadizzle a fair rating. After the lady left the Commander did a poll among our group to determine if the lady was crazy. Rodger and Kadizzled both thought she was just a strong willed lady with a good attitude. The Commander voted that she was a bit strange. I don't recall Ruth's vote.

Life in the Dragoon mountains has been good and relaxing. The Kadizzlites have found a very nice spot to dry camp. The Commander and Roger spent the entire day watching the climbers with binoculars. Lord Kadizzle did a GPS experimental hike. The goal was a spring, but the brush was too thick when he just about made it. Turning back his Lordship's back seized up and it looked like rescue might be needed. Fortunately the pain devils let loose and the return trip was a success. As this is written The Commander and Roger are watching the last phase of the mountain climbers assent.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Amazing, Bill O'Rielly questions Beck's nuttiness

Bill O is having doubts about Glenn Becks crazy theories. It is wonderful to see someone on Fox finally admit that Beck is crazy even by Fox standards. Beck has this new goofy idea about a world revolution starting in Europe.

Amazing, Bill O'Rielly questions Beck's nuttiness

Bill O is having doubts about Glenn Becks crazy theories. It is wonderful to see someone on Fox finally admit that Beck is crazy even by Fox standards. Beck has this new goofy idea about a world revolution starting in Europe.

Amazing, Bill O'Rielly questions Beck's nuttiness

Bill O is having doubts about Glenn Becks crazy theories. It is wonderful to see someone on Fox finally admit that Beck is crazy even by Fox standards. Beck has this new goofy idea about a world revolution starting in Europe.

Friday, February 11, 2011

38 Billion made someone rich?

Today Lord Kadizzle spent hours touring the Air Museum in Tucson. The Museum has to be the mother of all air Museums. According to the tour director if all the planes there were bought new you would be looking at 38 billion. If you ever want to see how the military industrial complex bilked our country this is the place to go, row after row of multi million, and even billion dollar aircraft. Over three thousand planes parked in the desert. Each plane could have been a school, a nursing home, a hospital, health care, but instead it kept us free? Who knows, but see 38 billion dollars worth of aircraft parked in the desert makes you wonder. Of course the cost of those planes is well beyond 38 billion. Billions more were spent to develop them. Many have already been scrapped, and destroyed. We sure scared the Russians.