The President and the Idiot. Here are the rules to play the game

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Now bear with me, this may take some time to explain. Our Canadian hiking friends insisted that we play a card game with them called “ The president and the idiot”. The Canadians said we were the right kind of people to play the game. This is how you play the game. After the cards are shuffled all the cards are dealt to the four participants. The president, the vice president, the idiot and the vice idiot have already been chosen by a card draw.

The president gives his worst two cards to the idiot. The idiot gives his best two cards to the president. The vice president gives his worst one card to the vice idiot, and the vice idiot gives his best card to the vice idiot.

The president plays the first hand. Two's trump everything. Whomever plays the highest card wins the hand. The round progresses from president to vice president to vice idiot to idiot. The winner of the hand gets to lay down the next leading card. The object is to get rid of your cards. If you cannot play a card you must pass. You can play one card, a pair, three cards of a kind, or four of a kind.

Now to the important part of the game. The game mimics life. The idiot can become the president, but it is very unlikely. The game favors those on top staying on top. However, the game seems to give the false appearance of being fair. Everyone gets dealt the same number of cards. Everyone plays by the same rules, and after all occasionally the idiot does become the president.

This is exactly how our political system works. It appears to be fair, and it appears to give everyone a chance, but in reality the same people generally win. When you closely examine the statistics for our country you see there is very little upward mobility, but everyone believes it is there, because after all it does happen. The inheritance tax is the classic example of the president and the idiot in action. The rich kid that inherits millions certainly has much better odds for a good life than a poor kid in the slum. No rational person would say it is fair, and the answer is obvious. Fairness would be to start both kids out more closely to even. This was done in the past by taxing the estates of the rich. Now we have instituted the president and the idiot system whereby the good cards go to the rich, and the bad cards go to the poor. We argue the system is fair, and the idiots think it is. After all some idiots make it to the top. The whole thing is exactly like gambling. Some people win, but in generate just about everyone else loses. Idiots by lottery tickets and stay broke. The casino operators take advantage of the idiots and pay off the politicians. What else is new?

They drop it, we pick it up.

 

Before sunrise Dave is up painting the long drops. What is a long drop? In South Africa when you go camping the servants dig a hole for the white folks to relieve themselves. That is a long drop. Dave is the mother all volunteers. What other guy over eighty would get up and paint long drops before sun up, and Dave does it right.

Kadizzle made a big mistake. Kadizzle told Dave “ If you need anything done let me know”. Those are the wrong words for Dave. Later Dave showed up with two grabbers, a bucket and some garbage bags. Dave said he had picked up the rodent litter south on the Salt, but someone needed to patrol North. Since Kadizzle needed some exercise he set off along the Salt River in search of garbage prizes. Since Dave had been on steady patrol for over a month there was very little litter near the campground. However the littler does manage to come down the river. Kadizzle first found a football. Everything was looking pretty good until Kadizzle made it farther north. Then the damage done by the industrial rodents began to appear, first a whiskey bottle, several bottles with the water, beer or gatorade still in them and a few other goodies.

As Kadizzle walked along the river bank he thought about how to combat the rodents that litter. Kadizzle decided to start the rumor among the fishermen and others that there were hidden cameras aimed at catching the rats that ruin the landscape.

While Kadizzle rummaged among the bushes looking for the rat droppings of inconsiderate scum he noticed a fisherman. Kadizzle asked the fisherman to report to the camp host anyone littering. Before long Kadizzle realized the fisherman did not speak a word of English. The fisherman had the appearance of an illegal immigrant. When Kadizzle approached him he noticed a bag full of what appeared to be dirt. Beside the fisherman were two usable bed pillows. Perplexed Kadizzle wondered if the man was sleeping on the river bank. If the pillows were not the fisherman's then they were litter and should be removed. By using sign language and what little Spanish Kadizzle could speak Kadizzle managed to determine the pillows were trash. To very they were trash Kadizzle opened the garbage bag an put them in. As Kadizzle left the fisherman came over to him with something out of the dirt bag. It was dried horse manure. In Spanish the fisherman was asking something about the horse manure. Kadizzle thought he wanted to burn it for a fire. That was wrong. The fisherman broke up the manure and sprinkled it at the base of a tree. Kadizzle began to get the idea. The fisherman wanted to know if he could take the horse droppings home and use them in his garden. Kadizzle finally got the message across that it was fine. He could have all the horse shit he wanted. If only Kadizzle could speak Spanish he could have told the fisherman to tune in to Rush Limbaugh for more.

Will the car explode today?

As a young teenager Kadizzled became friends with the son the local owner and operator of the illegal gambling in his home town. Wheeling, West Virginia had a reputation for prostitution, and gambling. This morning Kadizzle was reading about famous people from Wheeling, and ran across the biography of Wheeling's most famous crime figure “Big Bill” Lias. Big Bill was a huge fat man and has a long list of murders and crimes attributed to him. Reading his accomplishments Kadizzle saw that the car bombing of Paul Hankish was attributed to him.

One day Kadizzle was walking across the famous Wheeling Suspension Bridge with his friend Ben the son of the local slot machine king. A car pulled up beside the two and it was Paul Hankish. Hankish according to the book was the leader of another Wheeling gang that apparently was having a feud with Big Bill's gang. Ben apparently knew Hankish through his father, but Kadizzle was clueless about who the man was. Hankish asked Ben if we wanted to go for a boat ride. We accepted and went on to the yacht club on the Ohio River. The boat ride was pleasant and one of the few Kadizzle ever took on the river.

Exactly how long after that the explosion occurred Kadizzle does not recall, but Hankish had his legs blown off several weeks later by dynamite placed under his car seat. The intent was obviously to kill him, but failed. When Hankish came to in the hospital he kept saying the name of Ben's father. The newspaper made it appear that Ben's father had something to do with planting the bomb. As it turned out Ben's father was actually a friend of Hankish and feared he might be next on the list.

Ben attended a military school where all the rich kids had to dress in uniforms and his dad drove him to school every morning in his Cadillac. After the bombing of Hankish Ben told me he was instructed to wait in the house until his father started the car. On hearing this Kadizzled decided life as a crime figure was too stressful and Kadizzle decided to pursue a civilian career. Ben's father obviously had bad nerves from his work.

The criminal enterprise operated under the cover of a jukebox business, and vending machine company. Needless to say the business did very well. The operation was conducted out of an old five story building that used to be a car parking facility in the 1920's. There was a huge elevator that could take cars to every floor. Ben and Kadizzle spent many Friday nights playing the legal pinball machines and having a good time at his fathers business place. His father had an elaborate bar alongside a very nice office. If one could only know what conversations took place in those rooms.

Since they were in the jukebox business there was one room with every 45 rpm record imaginable. One Friday night contrary to orders Ben showed Kadizzle one floor of the building he was not supposed to see. Slot machines were illegal in West Virginia, but this floor was completely covered with slot machines shoulder to shoulder. Ben told Kadizzle to keep quite about what he had seen.

Of course the city fathers were duplicit in the whole operation and the gambling cartel paid an underground tax for their operation. Once elected the local prosecuted met with the local gang leaders and worked out a deal about how much they would pay for every machine. To please the public there were occasional raids on gambling establishments. The owners of the gambling devices would be notified before the crackdown and would go around prior to the raids and pick up all the machines. A few would be captured to show the public how the law was being enforced. To make this scheme work the gambling machine owners had a fleet of moving trucks equipped to quickly pick up the machines.

Every time Kadizzle sees gangsters portrayed he is reminded of his teenage years in Wheeling where so many of these types thrived. So much of the gang culture was true. Ben's dad was a charitable man who helped any of the poor minorities that came in his office. He also happened to own their houses. No doubt he was repaid in some fashion. The whole experience gave Kadizzle a good view of how the wheels of commerce where greased and Kadizzle learned that what appears to be going on is usually not. As Kadizzle has grown older he has realized that all the so called prominent people who had what appeared to be clean hands in public were really the enablers of a whole separate culture. Human nature never changes you see it every day on the news. Corruption thrives on the old idea “Evil prevails when good men fail to act”.

Your body will grow old, but your mind doesn't have to.

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As The Commander and Kadizzle drove into the campground the first thing they noticed was an older gentleman with a straw hat an a rake. Beside him was an old beat up run down camper. The man was a little hunched over and looked like he could be living on the edge of economic survival. He was busy raking and cleaning the area. From past experience both Kadizzle and The Commander assumed he was the camp host. Often the Forest Service let someone like this stay free if they did some minor work. After introducing himself, Dave said he was one of the camp host. The Commander struck up a conversation with Dave and soon, asked him for some information. Dave said “ let me go over to my motor home and see if I can get you an answer”. Expecting to head for the old beat up camper we instead took off in a different direction. Dave led us to a very nice practically new deluxe 28 foot motorhome. Sitting inside with Dave in the lap of luxury both Kadizzle and The Commander both realized they had made a big mistake judging a book by it's cover'

Dave said he graduated from high school in 1950, so that probably means Dave is 81. Dave drove his nice motorhome into the campground on The Salt River one day and decided to camp. The first thing he noticed was the place needed cleaned up, and the shrubbery needed trimmed. When Dave pointed this out to the Forest Service they asked him if he wanted a job doing it. Dave said yes and agreed to do it for free. So with his trusty wheelbarrow he set about the task.

The Commander and Kadizzle told Dave we would help him. After cutting some brush Kadizzled asked Dave where to dump the wheelbarrow. Dave pointed to the spot. When Kadizzle reached the dump there was a huge pile of brush. Did Dave cut and haul all of this? The answer was yes. An 81 year old man outworking most people half his age. Everyday Dave is up early raking, sweeping, and cutting brush. When the volunteers showed up to clean there was nothing to do. For weeks Dave has been waiting for the paint to redo the out houses he already has taped and ready to go.

Most of the time when you talk with an older person you find they are very conservative and set in their ways. Dave has been on the road and exploring North America for 18 years and a conversation with him can go just about anywhere. Visiting with Dave Kadizzle has talked with him on many subjects from education, to flying, to science, to religion, and on it goes. Talking to Dave you realize he has evolved his ideas all his life. Dave was not a man set in his ways. From what Kadizzle can tell he was a very successful businessman, a pilot, and an avid hiker.

Dave has been an observer of a lot of life. Kadizzle is a flaming liberal, and Dave seems to share most of Kadizzles beliefs. Often Kadizzle like most people wonders “ Am I confused or on the right track?”. Conversations with Dave are reassuring. After 81 years Dave is a liberal, a man who believes as Kadizzle does. Many times you hear someone say people are Democrats when they are young and they grow out of it to become conservative Republicans as they age. People also get Alzheimers as they age. Sometimes after you say something to Dave he will say “cool” or some other expression fitting someone a quarter his age. Dave has grown old, but his thinking hasn't. Dave could be sitting still running out of gas like so many, but he is using his gas everyday to push that wheelbarrow and push some minds to a better cleaner world.

Cottonwood

Baby sitting rat dogs is the mission.  Kadizzle has been assigned to watch the three rat dogs of his sister while she attends a wedding in Chicago.  Last night Kadizzle learned on PBS there are 2,000 Coyotes living in Chicago.  Apparently dogs are taking over the world. No doubt there are about as many dogs as people in this country.  Kadizzle likes dogs and hates cats,  rat dogs fall somewhere in between.  The damn things bark and are suitable for hunting nothing by insects.

Yesterday Kadizzle went with brother in law Ned to watch a girls basketball game.  Sister Patty has taken Sidney under her wing to help her through her athletic career and school.  Sidney is the new Arizona State Tia Quon Do champion.  However,  Sidney and her team have a long way to go in basketball.  Until yesterday it never occurred to Kadizzle that he rarely sees young girls of the 7th, and 8th grade age.  One in awhile you might spot some wandering in a mall, but Kadizzle has not been in a junior high basketball court for a thousand years.  On one end of the court were the little cheerleaders jumping around proudly cheering on their team.  In the stands was a mixture of everyone.  The opponent school had a large population of Apache, and some other tribe.

The game itself was like watching atoms move with no apparent organization.  Passes were made to invisible people,  and most of the shooting resembled what you might get using a shot gun.  Two girls on Sidney's team were little super charged bumble bees that were fun to watch, but they were so small they could not make much happen.  All things considered it was fun to watch.  Totally unpredictable and the girls played pretty rough at times.   The most common play seemed to be a mugging.   Someone would catch a pass and stand there clueless.  Meanwhile they would be swarmed by the other team that would try to rip the ball from their hands.  Prior to the game Ned said Sidney would score all the points for her team.  Ned was not far wrong.  Sidney's team lost by a score of 20 to 4 and Sidney scored three of the four points.   Had Sidney's team just continuously shot the ball at random they would have done better.   It seems that basketball at this level is mostly a game of random events and that the more you put the ball in the air the more likely it is to go through that steel hoop.

God called we answered.

Kadizzle does not know how God calls, but when he does often it appears he gets the wrong number. This time he got it right. Last night the Kadizzles were invited to a bar with some Canadian friends. As we went to the bar our friends told us about the bar we were about to patronize. It had a fantastic selection of beer which of course would suit The Commander well. The Commander has become a beer connoisseur.

Now the strange part. The bar was owned by a female Episcopal minister. She said she had a calling from God to open a bar. For once God made a good call. The food was excellent, and tasting all the beers was fun for everyone. God also had good live music. One might wonder what a bar run for God would be like. God has potato salad with blue cheese dressing, which is very good. God's taste in live music was just right, and God kept the place very clean with no smoking. God's waiters were excellent.

At some point the minister who owned the bar came to our table and introduced herself and explained her mission. She explained that if you wanted to get God's word out you had to go to where people were. Not only were there a lot of people there, but it would certainly be a good place to harvest sinners. Kadizzle is not a church goer, but if other ministers would follow this woman's example and offer a good selection of wine, which Jesus would surely approve of, and a good menu no telling what might happen with church attendance. Kadizzle has been in many bars and has often got the spirit there. Now the possibility exist he might get the right one. There is something special about leaving a tip in God's bar.

God's bar goes by the name of The Handlebar Pub and Grill in Apache Junction.   You know the handle that is used to server tap beer?  Apparently God collects those handles, and the ceiling of the bar is covered with them.

Report the Rodents.

As Dave pushes his wheelbarrow and rakes up the litter he picks up every cigarette butt and pop can he finds.  Meanwhile a simple minded motor cycle dinger come into the camp ground pulls out a weed and throws a butt down.  As volunteers scour the edge of the river for junk some industrial rodent drops a freezer full of food at the entrance to the campground and just leaves it.  

The war between the good and the ugly goes on every day.  Good hikers pick up the detritus the sorrowful ones drop.  Dave paints over the graffiti the senseless vandals write in the bathroom.  Volunteers battle to make the country livable, and the simple minded throw old tires in the river.

Kadizzle confronts and reports those out to make a mess, but too many go unchecked.  The bother in law had a good experience.   An industrial rodent set off into the national forest near his house with a truckload of garbage.  The urban rat came back with the truck empty.  Ned lives near the gate and went out to investigate.   Sure enough there was a pickup load of trash.  The unschooled rodent made a critical mistake.  The litter dog lost his phone when he dumped. Ned called him and told him he could have his phone back when he picked up his mess.  After the rat cleaned up his droppings, Ned told him to go to the Forest Service office and get his phone.  The Forest Service returned his phone and gave him a $100 fine for his littering.   Report the rodents.

As life moves along so does the Earth Module

Today the Earth Module temporarily moves to storage. Kadizzled and the revered Commander will head to Cottonwood to babysit three schreeching Chiwawas.  Kadizzled loves dogs, but hates the little rat dogs, which are just barking cats.

The campground has emptied out a bit and the weather has been excellent.  Yesterday Kadizzle had his annual tune up by getting his Korean massage.  While waiting for the truck to be serviced Kadizzled went to the best massage place in the world.  There is very little English spoken there but they dig deep into the sin that accumulates in Kadizzle's back and for awhile Kadizzle is years younger.  Also it resulted in a good nights sleep. 

The solar panel has been working well, but we do not have enough battery power to store all the sunshine. Imagine plenty of money, but no room in you wallet.

Now for a character review.   Who have we met so far in the adventure?  About the first person we met was Bill.  Bill was living in a small pickup truck at the campground near Lake Roosevelt.  Bill sat all day in the front of the truck reading.  Bill told Kadizzle he thought he found some Indian pottery near his truck in the campground. Bill was afraid to reach in the bush and get it because he was sure there might be a rattlesnake in the bush,  so Kadizzle examined the pottery.  It turned out to be a piece of early Coors Beer can.  Kadizzle had to explain to Bill the Indians did not write on pottery.  Another character at Lake Roosevelt was "Generator Willy".  Generator Willy ran his generator all day long and annoyed everyone.  One camper tried to hint to Generator Willy that he was a painful presence, but Willy did not get the message.  Kadizzle wrote Willy an anonymous letter about his lack of generator politeness.  Kadizzle had the camp host deliver the letter.  Next day Willy was gone.

At Usery we met an ex airline pilot, and a bush pilot who went on our exploratory hike in the Goldfield Mountains.  We renewed acquaintances with most of our good Canadian friends who have escaped their proximity to the arctic.  In our current campground we have the ambitious Dave who is in his eighties and outworks people half his age. Dave is up every morning pushing a wheelbarrow around cleaning up.  When the volunteers showed up to clean there was nothing for them to do.   Of course there is a Generator Willy here.   Fortunately he is pretty far away.  The worst think that happens is some simple minded dinger tries to save money and buys a construction generator that makes more noise than a jackhammer.  As usual the real camp host are strange people living on the edge.  Their generator went to hell on them so they are living with the electricity from their pickup truck.  Everyday new people show up and soon everyone knows everyone.

Sneaker attack

In the old days the gate used to be locked every night at our resort. Our resort is actually two very large parking lots. During the summer everyone and their grandmother does raft trips on the Salt River. The parking lots are used for the 40,000 people that use the raft service on some weekends. It is actually tubing not rafting. The masses are hauled up the river by bus and then float by tube back to the huge parking lots. On the way down the river they throw as many beer cans and pop cans in the river as they can. This means thousands have to be spent at the end of the season to clean up the mess, but they actually do. Also it means rings, watches, and other metal things get lost. So the winter is the time the metal detector guys come to find the diamonds and gold.

With dwindling resources and complaining fishermen the gates at our resort are no longer locked at night. The net result is the sneakers can come in at night. The sneakers like to steal Honda generators. Two have been stolen so far. To thwart the sneakers I have put a special alarm on my geneator that squeals if the sneaker moves it. Last hight at two in the morning someone roared out of our camp ground at high speed. It woke Kadizzle up and sounded like it may have been a failed sneaker attack. Since we are in Arizona and anyone can shoot at anyone for any reason it would be fun to shoot at a fleeing sneaker, but the Kadizzles don't have a gun. This morning we await the campground gossip to see if indeed the sneaker was foiled. 

No reports on sneaker problems, but someone did provide the day's entertainment.  A car was parked on the road to our camping area and set on fire.  No one knows why.   More than likely someone stole the car and needed to get rid of it. 

The day begins in the desert.

 

When you hear the first jet leave from Phoenix you know the sun will soon come up. Sleeping in the cool nights is a pleasure, but once out of the blankets it is chilly. That means someone will have to start the generator so the furnace can run. It is shameful to be a generator sinner in a quite campground so hopefully someone else has already sinned before we do. Coffee is the next major job. The Commander has a new hand operated coffee grinder she likes to use, so the The Commander grinds the coffee. With the generator running we can watch TV. The internet connection is terrible, but with patience you can get up to date.

On TV the local news will feature the latest gun insanity. The other day some crazy fat guy was shooting at a man and wife robbery team. The male robber tried to hold up the store using an electric drill for a gun and his wife had a plastic toy gun. The man got scared and left on his motorcycle. His wife tried to catch up and get on. As this all took place the fat guy shot at them claiming his wife was in danger. How she was in danger from people running away is a mystery, but I am sure the guy wanted to try out his gun. The shooter hit several cars in the parking lot, and the electric drill bandit got away. This is how it works when you let every idiot have a gun.

Once the sun is up the solar panel has to be deployed, the eggs cooked, and life begins. The sun quickly warms things up. By now people are wandering around. A would be fisherman just came to us needing a Tonto Pass. We often have to provide them to those without so they can stay her. It cost $3 dollars per day and we usually have extra passes. The fish were just stocked yesterday.

The Commander as usual is brimming over with energy and insist we go on a forced march somewhere today. So it looks like poor old Kadizzle will be run up a nearby mountain. Hopefully there will be tablets on top with instructions from God.

Let me volunteer so you can enjoy your job

For years the Kadizzles have traveled and met many camp host and other volunteers in the  South West.  The government has come to rely on the volunteers just to make the system work.  The way it works is some retired couple wants to live inexpensively so they volunteer to be a campground host. In return the volunteers work about twenty hours a week and get a free place to stay.  Sometimes solar power is provided, and in some cases propane. 

Generally the system works well, but more and more we notice how much work the volunteers do and how little the paid employees do.  Yesterday The Commander and Kadizzle spent about half a day helping Dave the 81 year old volunteer trim trees.   The forest service provided some pathetic tools and encouragement.  Dave is a hard worker and wants to paint the restrooms and keep himself busy.  Dave is always picking up cigarette butts, and keeping the campground spotless.

Dave noticed one of the toilet seats was broken and told the paid service workers he needed a new one to fix it.  The Forest Service employees said they did not have any.  Which is like a store not having any spare light bulbs.  Dave found a new seat in the storage area and they told him it could not be used because there were no bolts for it.  It would not take a rocket scientist to do what Dave did.  Dave took the bolts off the broken one and used them to install the new one.  Of course the government employees could not figure this out.

The main function of government employees seems to be to drive from point to point.   In the ten years we have been using the parks I do not recall ever seeing a paid employee do anything.  Frequently we do see the rangers exercising the horses.  This means they have to saddle the horses and ride some nice trails along the salt river.  Of course you could not get volunteers to exercise horses by riding nice trails.  Now the nastiest job is cleaning the rest rooms.  Even the volunteers don't want to do that.  Simple solution contract it out.  If you want a government job you need experience contracting out nasty work, or getting volunteers to work.  That seems to be the two main requirements.  There are a lot of good government employees, but there is a lot they can do to improve their image.

Junk Yard Update

The Commander was not too happy about spending her birthday in a junkyard, but it was the way it was.  The Commander did get to go out to dinner at our traditional Thai Restaurant.  Back at the Junk yard we got to watch all kinds of strange characters come and go.  The young ones looked like gang members and the old ones were just wobbling around.  The welding job which should have taken about an hour and a half ended up taking all of six hours.  John the welder was a nice guy and competent, but he had colon cancer.  John explained to Kadizzle he was going to treat his colon cancer himself with his special diet.  John's special diet turned out to be ice cream.  Johns condition meant he could work just so long and then had to take a break.  As if John did not have enough problems his wife had cervical cancer and her news was not good.

As the day progressed the strange people came and went.  John's go for man did some of the work.  Mr. go for had emphysema, COP, and a bad back.  The whole process was like having the people in the cancer ward do repair work.   Kadizzle watched the assistant doing some welding on our hitch and thought he was getting it wrong, but under the assumption the assistant knew what he was doing Kadizzle said nothing.  It turned out the job had to be done over and that is where some more of the time went.   At the end of the day the work was well done and Kadizzle was happy with the job.  Asking John what the price was Kadizzle was expecting a bill of $250.    John said it was $100.   Kadizzle gave John $150 and explained to him he could make no money at the rates he was charging.  John was an excellent welder and seemed to be providing more of a charitable service to the community than making a decent living.   We  got there at 9:30 and did not drive away until 3:30 but it was an interesting chapter in how another segment of society live on the edge.

The secret junk yard.

Kadizzle needed a hitch welded on the back of his fifth wheel camper.  A friend recommended a welder and gave the Kadizzles instructions on how to find him.  As this is written we are sitting front of his house waiting for the job to begin.  Apparently this is a clandestine business the second we have encountered in two days.  Behind what looks like two ordinary houses is what appears to be a combination welding shop, auto repair shop, and junkyard.  Stuff is strewn everywhere.  Hopefully they people are competent.

Yesterday The Commander got her birthday present, just what every woman wants, solar panels.  As it turned out the solar panel sales person was operating out of his house without the proper permits.  When we pulled into his driveway, he took us in his house and then to his garage.  He explained his neighbor " Mrs Craveats", named after some old busybody on TV kept a close eye on him and was suspicious. Mrs Craveats was indeed watching us closely when we pulled up.

The scene back here at the suburban junkyard would make a good movie setting.  What appears to be a house on the front is actually a weird conglomeration of crap and passageways full of junk on the inside.  The business advertises it can beat the price of most competitors.  They probably can they don't have any of the expenses a normal business would.

The warm climate of AZ makes it possible for all sorts of people to live on the edge.

Then why did you answer?

Sound asleep and in a most enjoyable state the phone rang last night and disturbed my peaceful nirvana.  Before I could answer the phone the person hung up. The phone showed it was a number from our home town.  Thinking it might be some sort of emergency Lord Kadizzle called the number and got some old German lady in Hazen, our home town.  Kadizzle asked if there was some reason she called.  In a thick German accent the lady explained that she was having trouble with her furnace.  Kadizzle then explained she had the wrong number.  It was sort of like the old gag "Then why did you answer".  Even after telling her she had the wrong number she still proceeded to describe the problem with the furnace.  She said she was actually trying to call Joe Metteler the furnace guy.  Next I asked her what number she called.  She said she called 748-6811.  Our number is 748-6111. It was apparent what had happened.  As the call ended she seemed irritate that I was answering someone else's phone, and was very little help in getting the furnace going.

The Humful migration or What is a heffalump?

 

The Kadizzles have escaped the arctic cold of North Dakota and are back in the land of the old and retired. Where to go with the Earth Module is the question. Do we stay another day in the lap of luxury with a water connection and electricity or do we move down on the Salt River to the land of the frugal and poor? The camp host at Usery Park are saying the plan is to raise the daily rate next year to $35. That will turn Usery Park in to a resort for the rich and drive the plain folk out.

Asked what she wanted for Christmas The Commander said she wanted a solar panel, so soon the Kadizzles will be reaping a crop of electrons directly from the sun. Hopefully that will get us through our new life with thousands of electronic gadgets.

The humful migration took place while we were home for Christmas. What in the hell is a humful? A humful is a breed of large motorhome that is shinny and self propelled, usually by a large diesel. Humful owners usually have the best of everything and stay close to electricity and water. When we left for North Dakota there was scarcely a humful in site, but now the park is full to the brim with the giant shinny bread boxes. Apparently all the humful owners stayed home until Christmas was over. The cold weather may have driven the humfuls south.

Humfuls were given that name because they resembled heffalumps. As near as anyone can tell a heffalump looks something like an elephant and they were first sited in the Winnie-the- Pooh adventures.

In the fifth chapter of Winnie-the-Pooh, Pooh and Piglet attempt bravely to capture a heffalump in a trap. However, no heffalumps are ever caught in their trap, and indeed they never meet a heffalump in the course of the books. The sole actual appearance of heffalumps in the books come as Pooh tries to put himself to sleep: "[H]e tried counting Heffalumps [but] every Heffalump that he counted was making straight for a pot of Pooh's honey ... [and] when the five hundred and eighty-seventh Heffalump was licking its jaws, and saying to itself, 'Very good honey this, I don't know when I've tasted better', Pooh could bear it no longer." We learn nothing more about the nature of the beasts in the writings, unless by "nature" we refer to the "nature" of absences.

The plane trip to Mesa from North Dakota was delayed in part because of a heffalump.   At the gate in Bismarck people were lined up to board the plane, but the line was not moving.  The attendants had gone down the ramp to plane with a wheelchair to get a passenger off the plane.  Soon they came back with an empty wheel chair and declared they needed a bigger wheelchair.  Kadizzle told The Commander " I bet they got a heffalump on there".   After searching the airport for a wider wheel chair they finnally came down the ramp with a hefflalump.  The plane then had a mechanical problem and had to be deiced.