The Cat Diet

Kadizzle will confess, he is plump, or as The Commander might say obese.  What can you do.  Unfortunately there is only one cure, stop eating.  One of the hardest times to control appitite is when massive amounts of good looking food are spread in front of you.  What can you do? Use the cat diet.  Here is how it works.  Some of that food laid out before you was cooked in the homes of people with cats.  You have walked into their kitchen and seen the cat licking the butter, and you have seen that same cat licking it’s exhaust pipe.

Well that pie that looks so good was cooked by Millie, the cat lady.  Rest assured it has butter in it.  Now some of that food probably came from good homes with dogs that stay on the floor.  You need to know.  So when you see those wonderful dishes look for people with cat hair on their cloths.  Ah, wow, look at the pudding.  Oh no she post cat pictures on facebook.  Damn that one is out.  

Perhaps this is all nonsense, you never know where food comes from.  Now for the clincher, Kadizzle once read an interesting article that cats carry a special virus that infects the brains of cat laddies.  This is not bullshit.  Have you ever gone into a home and just about been knocked over by the smell of cat urine?  You ask yourself “ Can’t the people in this house smell this?”.   Research shows the answer is no.  The cat has infected the brain of the cat lady with a virus that keeps her from passing out due to the cat urine odor.  Once Kadizzle went into a home where cats were present.  The cook was excellent, and it seemed like the cats were trained to stay where they should.  As chance would have it no one was home.  Being the evil fat guy he is Kadizzle decided to help himself to some of the wonderful roasted walnuts set out in a bowl on the kitchen counter.  Unfortunately the cat had mistaken the bowl for kitty litter.  The recipe for the walnuts was a very good one, but it did not include cat urine.  As a child Kadizzle remembers going into a distant relatives house that was not exactly the cleanest place around.  The relative insisted on feeding Kadizzle hamburgers, and such.  When they turned around Kadizzle had to put the hamburger in his pocket.  He wondered why a pack of dogs followed him home until he remembered the hamburger.