Special Thanksgiving Alert

Just about everyone has their bowels in a knot worrying about a terrorist attack, but today is Thanksgiving.  A real threat today is the possibility you may be hit by a gravity wave.  Gravity waves are like Tsunamis.  Suppose you are sitting at the table having some nice turkey, and then your little sister says " How about some pumpkin pie with whipped cream?".   You should hear sirens at this point.  If you don't and you eat the pumpkin pie you can expect a gravity wave.  As the wave travels from the refrigerator towards your chair it will knock the energy out of you.  What can you do?  Get to the couch as quick as you can and lay down.  Now you cannot be knocked down.  You might pass out as the gravity wave hits, but this is for your own protection.  Once the wave passes you will gradually awaken. When you do it may be possible to have some more pie.  If you do not believe in gravity waves go to the bathroom scale tomorrow. You will notice you weigh more than you did yesterday.  Like the water from a tsunami gravity is all over your body.  You can only rinse gravity off with sweat.  As the sweat comes out of your glands it pushes the gravity back into the universe.