A major offensive is planned today against the cacklers (pheasants). Just as Al Quida, has taken refuge in Pakistan, the pheasants have a massive sanctuary south of town. If the farmer will let our troops onto the property we may be able to launch a major winter offensive. We know they are there in great numbers. As the plan now stands we will be using our best intelligence technology. (two dogs, with super noses). Osama Ben Pheasant can hide his troops as if they have vanished in thin air. Our plan will be committed to paper, and we will use the pincer movement perfected by the Germans. The slightest failure to execute this procedure could result in leakage of enemy troops into the adjoining fields covered with grass. Like Bush we are not committing enough troops and resources to get the job done correctly. If insurgents come in from adjoining fields, we will welcome the chance to make martyrs out of them. As has been mentioned before, these devious fundamentalist have defeated our advanced technology before by making us waste countless resources. If we can drive the Chinese Ringneck Pheasant from our country, the native population of grouse can life their traditional live of peace. Although we have walked every field in the county and found nothing our intelligence indicates the ringnecks have weapons of mass destruction.
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