Professional Fat Guy

According to Mrs. Kadizzle, Lord Kadizzle is a fat guy. Reluctantly his lordship must admit there could be a surplus of chicken meat around his equator. However, there are amature fat guys, and there are professionals. The amature got fat eating cheeseburgers, and ice cream. On the other hand a professional fat guy gets his bulk from the best possible sources. The key to going pro is a good cadre of cooks who also happen to be friends. This is where his lordship pulls away from your run of the mill fat slob. Last night the Kadizzles had a nice meal with the strange Strawberry Hill cult, which has several outstanding cooks. They are in the Kill a Liberal with Kindness program. It is a secretive organization that supplies liberals with too much drink, and food, which ultimately causes them to explode. It is a devious patient group.

The second key to being a professional fat guy is sponsoring a cooking contest. Locally the good cooks all strive to win the Kadizzle. The Kadizzle is a traveling trophy given each year to the best cooks in the county. It is a clogged arty cast in bronze. Of course there are several categories. The prime rib award is essential. Next you have the deserts, and of course the pasta. Then there is the overall award. One key rule in the contest is that the cook has to cook the same meal or something similar twice. For example: Lord Kadizzle might go to someone's house and have an excellent meal, but it could have been a fluke. Would it be right to accept this entry? No. So the cook within six months must make the same meal again. If it is as good as the first it can be submitted. This is only fair. Having plenty of categories is essential, this assures the contest judge that every woman should be able to win in some category. You can see the wisdom of this system, so there is even a presentation category. Mrs. Kadizzle won the presentation grouping one year by serving His Lordship in a dog bowl.

No meal can be seriously considered without wine. His Lordship does not judge the quality, so much as the quantity. A mediocre wine in a box has been know to beat a small bottle of the best France can produce. One key the winners have discovered is that too much wine can result in his lordship failing to remember the flavorful nuances of the meal, so pulling the wine off the table a the crucial moment is critical.