For the past two weeks I have been fighting the little yellow insurgents in our yard. I will admit to chemical warfare. I sprayed the fellows up to four times. Yesterday I used weapons of mass destruction. I hit them at the roots with a weed wacker. I think they are moving in from neighboring yards. I am thinking about a troop surge, but the only support I might muster is The Commander. The Commander says my negligence has caused the insurgency.
I woke up one morning early, and just like Bush I went out on the back deck and declared victory. I could not see a dandelion in site. Then The Commander came out and told me the blossoms fold up at night. Sure enough as soon as the sun came out the enemy was in every nook and cranny of the yard.
Distraught I hired a weed fighter named Dumbsfield. Dumbsfield kept telling me we were winning against the weeds, it would just take a little more time and a little more money. The neighbors could see we were getting no where and insisted I should fire Dumsfield. I started with regular dandelions, but now I seem to have developed a super hybrid. If the insurgency spreads to other yards in the neighborhood, I am going to look like a fool.
It turns out there are two types of weeds in the yard, the sheeights, and the sunny’s. It seems the weeds may be killing each other. Maybe if I just sat on the porch I could let the sheeights and sunny’s just kill themselves and save all the money I am spending on weed control.
I got into this whole mess because I was advised there were WMD’s in my yard. Weeds of Mass Destruction. I can’t figure out if this is true or not. The only mass destruction has been to my wallet.
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