The Temperature in Hell

Times are tough and competition for souls is strong  in Hazen. The Baptist came in years ago and stole a lot of people who wanted to be just a bit more crazy. Hazen used to have about four main churches.  The Lutherans had the market cornered, but there was a Methodist church, and a Catholic Church. We needed more flavors, so with the boom came the Southern Baptist, and now you can even go to churches offering the ability to speak in tongues.  We have no snake handlers yet, but who knows.  So we got the Lutherans that tolerate the gays, and ones that don't.

What are you going to do? Well the Methodist have one answer.  Advertise just like the banks. In fact the Methodist out did the banks.  The Methodist have a full color digital sign just like every bank.  The menu is right there.  Like the banks they tell the time and temperature.  Shiny and Kadizzle were sitting on the porch of the crazy club looking up the street at the sign of many colors flashing in front of the Methodist Church. Like all good electronic signs it had the time and temperature.  We thought of the perfect add, put the temperature of heaven and hell on that sign, and tell people if they didn't come to the meeting they would know the temperature in hell where they will surely go.  Hell is getting warmer, old Satan is suffering from global warming just like everyone else, but he likes it. That is one explanation, but the real reason Hell is warming, is that Old Satan is getting ready for the rush of Republican Trump voters.  So it looks like heaven might be comfortable for those who have the guts to go up against Satan's candidate Trump.  Heaven will be 72 degrees today with sunshine and light wind for people with courage who die today.  Hell may hit 120 if any of the wind blows in from the Earthly side in Las Vegas.  The Trumpers don't have to worry about their brains getting fried, it already happened.