Hoopleheads going to have another Tea Party

After the first great tea party was stirred up by Fox News the Hoopleheads are going to give it another try. If at first you don't succeed, try the stupid idea again. If there is one thing the Hoopleheads like, it is being scared. Hoopleheads are just like little children. They love to be frightened. Terrorist scare Hoopleheads, any change in our hopeless health care scares hoopleheads, and nothing scares them like a black president. It just isn't right. So the king of the hooples, good old Rush Limbaugh, you know the guy who got hooked on oxycontin supplied by his cleaning lady, likes to feed their racist fears. Of course he could not just outright say what he wants to stir up, but he knows the code words.

You can sell the Hoople anything. Who buys the crap Billy Mays used to sell? Yup, the Hoopleheads. The Hoopleheads bought the story lock, stock and barrell about Obama not being an American citizen. The Hooples still believe in the 100mpg carborator GM suppressed to help the oil companies. Urban legends are like fairy tales to the Hooples. When a moma Hoople puts her kids to sleep at night she tells the little Hooples about someone in Canada who had to wait for medical treatment.

Week Long Sail, in searh of Marsh Mellow Trees

For twenty years or more the Week Long Sail has been a tradition on the big lake. Tomorrow the Kadizzles will head west for a week. The Commander just reported north west winds for tomorrow. This will not be favorable. The dangers are many, storms, drunkenness, Indian attacks, rattlesnakes, and games of dare to be stupid. However, someone has to continue the search for a Northwest Passage. With the lake at its highest levels in years we may be able to find a trade route to Seattle.

A total of perhaps five ships will be in the fleet. If we can find a country with health care for everyone we will try to capture some of the natives and bring them back to explain how it works. Prior to the trip everyone must be immunized against socialism. There have already been outbreaks in the blue states. Should socialism spread everyone might have a chance to live like the rich and equality could spread everywhere, so it is important we stop it before rich people loose their second homes and private jets. With global warming the marshmellow trees are blooming early and we hope to pick some when we get far enough west.

Lake Sakakawea Paridise

The Amazing Hoopleheads

Lord Kadizzle was just spinning the channels and stopped to watch CNN. CNN showed the newspaper from the day Obama was born in Hawaii. There was a birth announcement for Obama printed in the paper. Of course we all know the hoopleheads have started an urban legend that Obama is not an American. How do the hoopleheads refute this evidence. People are finding papers with the annoucement. If this is fakery it is the most amazing ever. Fooling the hoopleheads is the simplest thing in the world. A hooplehead believes if a lot of people say something at the coffee shop it is true. The hoopleheads never go to a web site to check out the origin of an urban legend. Hoopleheads are like children they cling on to their fantasy. God bless the hoopleheads after all they are what make Republicans possible.

Death from Kindness or Pig on the Prarie recipe

Lord Kadizzle lives the charmed life when it comes to knowing good cooks. First and foremost is The Commander. The Commander could season puppy chow and make a gourmet meal out of it. Lord Kadizzle knows more good cooks than you can shake a stick at. Rarely do three days go by that some good cook doesn't invite the Kadizzles by. Yesterday was typical. Kadizzle went to the boat to perform some simple task, as simple people do, and the next thing he knew he was sitting in front of some wonder german potato salad, brauts freshly cooked on the grill and a fresh garden salad. The kindly boat neigbors turned the gab session into a grab session. Since we were eating aboard we even untied the kitchen from the dock and took a minor spin around the bay. When Lord Kadizzle dies from overeating he may not fit in a casket. The alternative will be to creamate him. It will be a blazing fire with all the fat. The smoke will smell like prime rib, turkey stuffing, and a host of other wonderful seasonings that have marinated him for over sixty years. Put the fire out a little early and let the coyotes have pig on the prarie.

Arial Pictures of Moose Bay

Donna King took this nice picture of Moose Bay with the sail boats from their plane

Juneberry Heaven

A couple years ago Lord Kadizzle ran for the North Dakota legislature. One of his main goals was to have legislation passed that some pies could not be served without vanilla ice cream. Unfortunately Kadizzle lost. Now pies are subjected to improper treatment. The most precious pie know to man is the Juneberry pie. God put a special blessing on North Dakota this year and Juneberries are plentiful. The Commander, A.K.A. Jasper Littlebottom loves to pick Juneberries. So there are some nice Juneberry pies in the future. The Juneberry pie is sacred, but an entry was recieved in the strawberry, rubarb catagory at Ray's that may win. One minor problem, for reasons of fairness, all entries must be duplicated. The theory is that anyone could accidently make a wonderful pie. To protect all entries in Lord Kadizzles baking contest entrants are required to submit two pies withing six months. However if no other entries are recieved in the same catagory you may still win. Being the judge of pie contest is a sacrifice. Few judges escape the occupational hazard of being overweight. Many are killed by obesiety just to provide society with this vital service. I hope Kadizzle's life will not be in vain, and pies will go untested. Pies cannot be entered with photos, as one mean brother in law frequently tries to do. Also hersey is not permitted. Lord Kadizzle must be present at the slicing and actually test the pie.

Old sidewinder misses young sidewinder

This morning Lord Kadizzle went for a hike during the sailing adventure. Be the brave soul he is he led the small group into the vast prairie wilderness. As a precaution his lordship always takes his hiking stick and checks for the rattlers in the path. However, this morning he somehow stepped right over one without noticing. The next hiker said "You almost stepped on a rattlesnake, there it goes". The rattler holed up under a rock and prepared to defend himself. It make you wonder how many you have stepped over and never even noticed.

Kate sends a letter from the Hills of Home

A West Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-77 about 2 miles from the West Virginia/Ohio state line.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Zanesville, Ohio to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and asked if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket.

He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good ole 'bubba' from Kentucky got out, watched the performance, then went over to the
patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well take my butt to jail cause there ain't no friggin' way I can pass that test."

Ozan and Mike at Berthold Bay

Lost Treasure in North Dakota

North Dakota has one of the most amazing unused resources imaginable. Lake Sakakawea spans over an enormous area right in the center of the state, but very few of the states 600,000 registered hoopleheads have ever been on it or realize how vast the lake is. If the state made even a moderate attempt to develope the tourism potential of the lake the economic impact could be vast. Between the states lack of imagination and to determination of the Corp of Engineers to suppress recreation, nothing ever happens to improve the lake facilities. The corp does everything it can to make any improvement difficult if not impossible. The state acts like the lake does not exist.

In a classic Corp State fiasco a new marina was built or should I say is still being built at Garrison. Garrison already had a five million dollar marina. Who would put two multimillion dollar marinias in one small town while there is not a single marina on the western three quarters of the lake? Brain dead is the only explanation. Ten million dollars in one place when three million in three places could have done wonders. For larger boats there are no facilites for over one hundred fifty miles of the lake. The amazing ineptitude of the state combined with the obstinance of the corp has assurred this lake will never reach it's potential. However, this may be just fine for a lot of people that enjoy the solitude, and I may just count myself one of them.

Jasper Littlebottom up early and at em

Our gardener Jasper Littlebottom shot out of the house like a rocket today and started raking under the pine trees and trimming. Not even eight O clock and the pickup has a load of pine needles. Now Littlebottom wants Kadizzle to get his bottom in gear and dump the mess. Littlebottom has been diagnosed with hyperactivity. Hyperactivity has it's pros and cons. Thank god Littlebottom is going to the dentist so Kadizzle can rest a little.

Contributing Editor sends wonderful gravity music

Lord Kadizzle the direct decendant of a wet lump.

On Facebook my sister Kathleen wrote the following about my father. "Corey's photo of backyard camping reminded me of when Daddy was sleeping with us in the pup tent in our back yard as kids and we all got up and went inside because of his snoring and then it rained and the tent fell down on him and that didn't wake him. The next morning I remember looking out the window at this lump in the yard...a wet lump.

For years I have wondered where the lump above my belt, and below my chin came from. It never occurred to me many of my kin have the same lump. Now, I realize we are all direct decedents of a wet lump. Not long ago Lord Kadizzle went to the doctor. The Commander always complained that Lord Kadizzle was too fat. So at the doctors office Kadizzle asked the doctor if he was too fat. No, the doctor replied, you have lumpadiglyitis. Lumpadiglyitis causes a severe swelling around the waste. It turns out lumpadiglyitis is a genentic trait aquired by decendents of wet lumps.

Fire at rumor mill, hoopleheads speechless

A couple days ago the local coffee shop had a fire. The place had to close for a few days. Hoopleheads get most of their news and stories second hand. For local myths, legends, and just plain lies the coffee shop is very important. The people who firmly believe Barrack Obama does not have a birth certificate get assurance at the coffee shop that he is a terrorist.

So when the hoopleheads could not get confused at the coffee shop they all had to sit home and rely on Fox News to scare them and keep their heads spinning with falshoods. Joy has returned to Hazen and the coffee shop is open.

Now for an example of how hooplehead knowledge works. About a week ago a tornado was spotted near Beulah. Some local dinger set off the warning system in Beulah. However, the dinger did not do it correctly and he managed to set off the alarms in Hazen, and Stanton in addition to the alarm in Beulah. Well immediately the hoopleheads used reverse hooplehead thinking to conclude that if there was an alarm, there was a tornado. Even though the sky are clear, and all evidence points to no tornado, coffee shop wisdom says there was one. The basic principle of coffee shop truth is that if a lot of people believe something it is true. Sometimes the definition of a lot of people is everyone sitting at your table at the rumor mill.

Usually the morning starts out at the coffee shop with a big hooplehad swaggering in and pulling up a chair. The hoople regurgitates something scary Fox News made up the night before, so the hoople says, " Did you hear about Obama grinding up all the shell casings so we cannot get ammunition?". Without any thought the game is on and the hooples are going wild. No hooplead ever goes to an urban legend site to check out anything.

Did you ever wonder who buys all the Amish heaters you see advertised or the other stuff Billy May sell's. Yup it is the hooples. When you go in a hooplehead home and see the Edin Pure magical heater right beside the lounge chair you know you are dealing with a hooplehead. Hazen has so many hoopleheads the Edin Pure Heater man came every week. The salesman convinced the hooples that he could get two gallons out of a one gallon container. No problem. The hooples really love the heat you get from blowing air over two light bulbs hidden in a box. For a couple hundred bucks you could get one.

Gravity Waves everywhere

Few things are worse than unexpectedly getting hit by a gravity wave. Lord Kadizzle has a lot of experience and tips for those who may be struck. If the wave appears to be mild don't panic. For example: If you are doing a few dishes and a gravity wave starts to hit you, slowly move toward the den and sit down in front of the TV until the wave passes. This may take a news show, sometimes two. Once the wave has passed move back to the kitchen. As you get near the sink if you don't feel anything abnormal, go ahead and finish the dishes.

Now for the medium gravity wave, what do you do? Suppose you have been putzing about the yard and begin to feel heavier than normal. This is going to require a snore nap. Again this can be handled in the sitting position with the TV on or off. The important thing is to recline so the wave can be evenly distributed over your body, otherwise you might get crushed. A snore nap usually takes about fifteen minutes of hard snoring to break up the gravity. Remember to get up slowly.

Next we are going to discuss the massive gravity wave. To survive this you must completely lie down in a soft bed. Gravity is effected by sunlight, so normally one is safe until the sun starts to set, but don't be surprized if you are hit by a wave as early as 7:30. Once you feel a wave starting don't panic. Move slowly toward the bed. Sometimes the wave will pass in an hour or two and you can get up and safely watch TV or read. However, many waves will last all night and the best thing to do is remain prone until you feel completely safe.

What if you are at work and get hit by a wave? Quickly put your feet up on the desk. Be very careful that your chair does not go out from under you. I know several people who were almost killed in this fashion.

Don't take gravity lightly, it can strike anytime and anywhere. The key is to be proactive. At the first signs you are getting heavier get to the nearest couch and lay down. Kadizzle has survived some serious gravity wave which now seem to be more frequent with advanced age. Remember, don't let gravity get you down.

War has broken out in Hazen

As the morning coffee brewed Kadizzle thought someone was landing a jet at the Hazen international airport. It is a wonderful airport for a city our size. It cost about five million, and gets used so little we have drag races on the runway. Soon Kadizzle kept hearing the same jet landing over and over. No its not a jet landing, but a crop sprayer bombing weeds about a half mile away. The sound is like an old World War Two movie, when they make the straiffing runs. Perhaps I should run out with my pheasant gun and take a shot. I would say we are being bombed by the Germans, but we are the Germans. Hazen is about 90 percent German heritage.

Hazen does have it's own airforce. Colonel Klink as I call him is the commander. Klink patrols the skys over Hazen with a motorized parachute. One day I asked Klink if he ever practiced making emergency landings with our only weapon of defense. Klink replied " Why would you practice something you had to get right the first time?". Our town is fortunate to have several idiot sevants. We also have a good supply of just plane idiots. We are running low on bums.

The other day I encountered three of our best bums having a little conference. We discusssed the bum shortage, and Kadizzle learned one of the three was seeking work. If we get down to two bums Hazen has decided to advertize. If you don't have a good core of bums to hang around with each other their population is hard to sustain. They seemed to get so bored they go to work. I am afraid that is why we lost so many this summer. Most of our bums are leftover highshool kids that went to college for three months and could not take the rigor of getting up in the morning. They return to Hazen and live in their parents basements. They can take a lot of boredom and work scares them, but as I said you need a breeding population.