Commander decides to neuter Lord Kadizzle

Randy Christmann Saves Lord Kadizzle from The Commander

Many of you may recall Lord Kadizzle ran for the North Dakota legislature and lost to a team of Republicans. The leader of the Republican team was Randy Christman. Inadvertently, Lord Kadizzle found legislation that Senator Christman successfully introduced and had passed in the North Dakota legislature:

North Dakota made it illegal to force people to insert microchips into their bodies.

Sen. Randy Christmann, R-Hazen, said he introduced the bill for a constituent knowledgeable about the subject.

Initially skeptical, Christmann found that at least one other state had taken similar action.

“Knowing how easy implantation of chips can be with livestock, it occurred to me that it is not out of the realm of possibility that someone in a position of power over someone else could coerce them into accepting a tracking device,” he explained.

Christmann cited domineering employers or abusive spouses as examples.

Well, it turns out The Commander was planning on putting a microchip in Lord Kadizzle. The Commander has suspected for many years that when she calls on her cell phone to check on Lord Kadizzle's progress she is not getting reliable information. Frequently his Lordship would be awakened from a gravity attack on the couch by the ring of The Commander's cell phone. Of course Lord Kadizzle reports that he is in the back yard working. In other instances, his Lordship has been caught in a frivolous conversation when he was supposed to be on The Commander's mission.

The Commander had planned to put a chip in his Lordship's posterior that would register when he was sitting and send out a signal. The chip would also report Lord Kadizzle's location. Just in the nick of time, Randy has stepped in with his legislation that will make it possible for his Lordship to live with dignity. The commander is now contemplating a shock collar.

Noble Youth off to very good start

Megan and Ned have been working for over a year with their new business Noble Youth. Collaborating they have produced a line of clothing. Yesterday a well known web site The Daily Candy featured an article on Noble Youth. With the word out things began to roll. Sales were good right from the start, and better yet they made some good contacts. Among others they were asked by Women's Wear Daily to get in touch. Megan and Ned are very pleased, and so is Lord Kadizzle. Lord Kadizzle is a major stockholder in Noble Youth. Check out the web site at http://www.nobleyouthdesign.com/ Order as much as you can afford, the Kingdom needs the cash flow.

Megan's fashions go online today

A Noble Example
noble youth!

Friends, colleagues, administrators. We are gathered here today to celebrate young people engaged in the development of wardrobe essentials.

A new brand, Noble Youth, offers all of us hope for a new society that is inclusive and tolerant of short, sleeveless cloaks and for new, visionary leadership from someone dressed in cuffed houndstooth shorts.

There are more than four million women in this city who could benefit from the bright red, short-sleeve, flared Samba frock. And just as many men who stand to gain from the plunging neckline of the ruffled blue Plum dress.

The integration of poetry and romance in the line is exemplified by the puckered, high-neck Poe blouse and the regal, fitted, Cleopatra minidress — both in crisp white.

We applaud the creative energy of the first collection and encourage our Noble Youth to forge ahead and help build wardrobes of other nations.

Thank you for the soapbox.


Available at Flirt, 93 Fifth Avenue, between Baltic and Warren Streets, Park Slope (718-783-0364); online at nobleyouthdesign.com.

Jake to appear on Oprah Show

According to local news my little neighbor Jake will be on the Oprah show next week. If you have been to my house you may have met Jake. Jake is the seven year old bi-lateral amputee that lives next door. Jake can be a handful. Sometimes he taunts me by yelling "Hey Old Man". This often means I have to chase him into the trampoline, catch him and wrestle him into submission.

Last summer while I was washing the car, Jake was being a real nuisance. Several times I warned Jake that if he did not stop bothering me he was going to get soaked with the hose. Sure enough I had to give him a squirt of water. It did no good, so I continued to dowse him. It was not long before he was completely soaked, and finally went home. I began to think I might be in trouble. The next day I asked his sister if their mom was mad because I soaked Jake. She told me when he took his legs off water poured out of the sockets, but his mother said he probably deserved what he got.

Sailing Article

Steve Regenold did another article about sailing on the Sovereign last year. If you would like to see it you can either go to the Minneapolis St. Paul Magazine on line, or click on this link http://www.mspmag.com/travel/travel/68741.asp

I have been in contact with a photographer who has done articles for Cruising Magazine.
This is a major sailing magazine and will be a good hit if he sails this summer. If North Dakota would make any kind of effort to promote our lake, it could have big paybacks.

The Commander returns to Hazen, and disarray

Lord Kadizzle tried hard to have the castle in reasonable shape for the return of The Commander, however circumstances conspired against him. Most of the debris from the underwear, and sock storm had been cleared away, the bathroom was given a cursory cleaning, and the kitchen was even restored to original condition. The problem began when Ed suggested spaghetti for dinner. Lord Kadizzle and Ed made the kitchen back into the battle ground it was yesterday. Even though his Lordship made some progress, it did not pass the Commander's muster when she returned. Things are expected to return to normal today. With the return of The Commander, the peasants feel reassured there is some order in the Kingdom.

Ed Submits picture for photo contest

Ed just returned to Hazen

Three idiots

Three idiots are missing in Australia. According to the news report they found their sailboat with food on the table and in good condition, but nobody was on board. The Coast Guard in Australia suspects they got in the dingy and forgot to anchor the boat. The boat got away.

Now this brings me to some of the dumb sailboat things that I have done which may have qualified me to be idiot number four. Years ago a friend approached my boat with a jet ski. I was alone on the boat. With the boat under sail I asked him to give me a ride on his jet ski. The wind was light and my boat was sailing on auto pilot. Roxy agreed to give me a ride. I climbed off the boat and got on his jet ski. The plan was to let the boat sail by itself down the middle of the lake until I re boarded. As soon as I got on the jet ski, Roxy accidentally dropped the keys to the jet ski in the lake. My boat was headed down the lake, and we were stuck. Fortunately Roxy figured out how to hot wire the jet ski, and things worked out.

Once The Commander and Lord Kadizzle were sailing with the spinaker up. It was a warm evening and we were in the middle of nowhere, so we decided to jump in the water nude and drag on the ladder behind the boat. After dragging awhile naked, it occurred to me that if the boat got away, it would be a strange accident report. The newspaper would report our naked bodies found on the shore miles from our boat. No one would ever figure out what happened. We got back on the boat. Someday I hope to make headlines under the idiot category.

If the Wheel is Fixed

The Story of two loggers, Ray and Mike

bush sunday bloody sunday

This poor fellow is Kadizzled

horse logging

A nice little video you will enjoy. Take the time to watch it. I just got it from Youtube. Be patient. It keeps getting better

Logging Camp Ranch

Lord Kadizzle and Ray Bunyan cutting up.

If Hazen had old people like this our problem would be solved

If we could get these goats in Hazen instead of ours

We Reap what the NRA has sown

Off to do some Logging

Lord Kadizzle is off today to do some logging at the Logging Camp Ranch. The ranch is located in South West North Dakota. The location is very strange. The little forest where this ranch is located is surrounded by hundreds of miles of treeless prairie in every direction. Why this little forest cropped up is a strange phenomenon. There had to be a micro climate that made it possible.

Ray Kerns and I are going to go down for a couple of days and help clean up some of the mess they had from a forest fire. Ray is taking some logs down with us to have cut up in the saw mill there. Kadizzle needs the exercise, so here we go.

Did you read Clay Jenkinson article in Sunday Paper?

Fire Belly strikes Lord Kadizzle

Last night I was hit with a severe case of fire belly. It all started when I had the brilliant idea to bake some chocolate chip cookies. I thought it best to sample some of the dough before I started baking. I think the dough rising in the boiler was part of the problem. At 12:45 I tried to douse the fire with some baking soda and water, it seemed to help, but there were rumblings of a volcano.

To research this article I went to the web site of: Association of Independent Competitive Eaters
Home of Picnic Style Rules

Here I found that people eat jalapeño peppers competitively. I felt like I had been crowned champ at their annual picnic.

Poor Old Snoocher Bear

Deep in the woods with her elk, her fox, Fran, and her mom the poor old Snoocher Bear is recovering from her knee surgery. She needs to get back in shape so she can sail with Lord Kadizzle this summer.

In Spite of Ourselves

Nothing but big old hearts dancing in our eyes

Home Alone

The poor old Snoocher Bear (Erin) had surgery on her knee yesterday. So momy bear is down in Evergreen, Colorado taking care of Erin. This means that in Hazen we have no Commander. In turn this means Lord Kadizzle is home alone with no supervision. The adjustment is tough.

The fairy that makes the bed, picks up dirty cloths, and does numerous other tasks must have jumped into The Commander’s suitcase. There is no more magic. Things just stay right where I left them. This is not all bad, but it is not all good either. Inside it looks like we had a light snow of underwear and socks in the bedroom. In the kitchen it has snowed plates, silverware, and other things like newspaper and mail. I try to keep up with this stuff, and the Commander warned me there would be a court-martial when she returns. Her last words out the door were “I shall return”. I think McArthur got that line from her.

When the old commander is gone Lord Kadizzle is truly Lord of his Castle. In a kingdom of one, it is not much fun to be King, but you get to go to bed when you want. You do everything at your leisure. You even get to operate the remote control.

The Bismarck Tribune -- Late with the news-Late with delivery

The other day I got so mad at the Bismarck Tribune I wrote them a letter about their sorrowful articles. Of course they did not publish my letter. On the front page they put a weather story that happened ten years ago. I really don't care if it snowed ten years ago. A week later they come up with some other story on the front page about something that happened many years ago. They just don't get the concept of "News".

I thought you cannot possibly do worse than give a person old news, but the Bismarck Tribune has topped themselves in Hazen. For two days we got no paper. Maybe they are doing this just to me to teach me a lesson. On the third day at NOON they delivered two papers from the last two days. Now we get ten year old news delivered two days late. If you can top that let me know. Right now I am sitting here wondering what happened ten years ago because I don't have a morning paper. By noon they should have it on my doorstep if I am lucky. It is a sunny day so the chances are good.

Lord Kadizzle is Confused

A little confusion is good

Viking Motorycycle Gang Attacks Hazen

Apparently the dog is in cahoots with the motorcycle bunch from Stanton. This was the scene on the Knife River near Hazen this morning as the gang approached our peaceful town. Townsfolk stood on the bridge near the golf course and dropped beer on these thugs, but it did not deter them. It looks like rape and pillage are in order. Most are running from town, girls who haven't been asked out for awhile are running down to greet them. This is not going to be pretty.

Angry Dog Threatens to Sue

On a couple of occasions I have stolen photos without giving credit. I don't know if I should apologize or let them sue. If you look at the Stanton story comments you will see a dog is threatening me with a law suit for failing to give photo credits. Ok, I am sorry, how many dog biscuits do you want to settle this? You took the pictures, and you did a good job. Would you consider being the Stanton correspondent? I also would like to know if you would go along and take pictures on a pheasant hunt. I don't think the other dogs would mind?

Motorcycle Gang near Stanton has rehabilitation program

Two members of Ray's Angels from the Stanton area can be seen in the pictures finishing up the first canoe they are building for disadvantaged kids over thirty with motorcycles. This gang which has been known to roar through the streets of Hazen terrozing local residents was sentenced by Hazen Municipal Judge Mike Quinn to do some community service. Ray, who frequently rides with a vicious toy poodle tucked under his shirt, plans to use the canoes to make a trip down the Little Missouri with his gang member son, Brian. Hopefully this program will show these thugs that you can enjoy serenity on the river and there is no need scare old ladies in Hazen by walking down the street with a poodle wearing a spiked collar.

This Day Will Come

Sitting here with snow falling poor old Lord Kadizzle needs something to keep him going. Those days are out there somewhere when we can sit in a bay on the boat. Aah the thought of warm water, and cold beer.

Lord Kadizzle wants help naming Invention

Al Gore invented the Internet, so I thought maybe I could come up with something. I thought maybe if you put a round object under things, you could move them easier. After a week down in the basement this is what I came up with. Anybody have any ideals for what to call it?

Did you know?

If your not Kadizzled after you see this you may be

Tyler wants to know about chameleons, Lord Kadizzle has advice

chamelions

A cold day back in the Dakotas

A day back in the Dakota’s. The commander and Lord Kadizzle woke up to a sunny, but cold day. We both felt like we had to get out of the house. After the usual wake up ceremony His Lordship told the Commander today was the day to inspect the royal yacht. On the way to the Sovereign the carriage stopped at Hazen Bay to check out trees the commander lovingly planted there. The Commander was not happy with what the porcupines did. I would not want to be a porcupine around The Commander if she had a shotgun. The blasted critters stripped the bark from a quite a few trees.

At the State Park we had a nice visit with Captain Kit. In unison we moaned about how the State of North Dakota will not do anything to improve the lake. Kit assured us there is snow in the mountains and the lake will rise to where we can get the Sovereign in the water.

I dreaded checking the boat for fear it may have some winter damage. Generally it looked good, but the thought of the expensive things it needed made me wonder why boats torture owners checkbooks every spring. Maybe that is why a lot of boats have female names. You love them, but they are expensive. I have to replace lifelines this year, and it ain’t going to be pretty.

After our visit to the boat we headed down to see Ray. We found Ray working on cabinets for the new visitor’s center in Stanton. Ray is a very good craftsman, and Stanton is going to have a nice stop for people going to the Knife Rive Indian Village.

Ray invited to his house to see the progress on his wooden canoe. The canoe is a work of art. Many people would be tempted to hang it on the wall and just look at it, but Ray is going to make it entertain him. We discussed a trip from Logging Camp Ranch in Southwest North Dakota toward the Missouri. It would be through some very pretty, but rugged country on the Little Missouri.

Sleeping Jesus found in Zap

Living in a small town does have some benefits. One benefit is a weekly newspaper. Our paper is the Hazen Star. When we returned to Hazen, the story that made the front page concerned how the county road superintendent was mistreating his employees.

One of his sins was calling them names. Apparently, he tagged one worker with the name “Slow Jesus”. I've heard people called a lot of names in my day, but I could not help but wonder what a “Slow Jesus” was. I thought, perhaps, it evolved from, “Jesus! You are slow”.

Earlier this week I volunteered to help neighbor Bob haul some junk to the dump with my truck. I thought this might be a chance to solve the Slow Jesus mystery since the dump is run by county employees. As we paid the dumping fee, I asked the attendant who is "Slow Jesus”? He explained to me that the story was inaccurate. The nick name was “Sleepy Jesus”. The dump master told me that “Sleepy Jesus” lived in Zap. Apparently, “Sleepy Jesus” is a fundamentalist who works on the road crew.

I can see where all this could lead. All the television preachers refer to Jesus of Nazareth. I can see why they have to do this to avoid confusion with Sleepy Jesus from Zap. I still don’t know what a Sleepy Jesus is, or a Slow Jesus for that matter. Perhaps the road commissioner is getting a little impatient with the return of the Messiah. A little over 2,000 years is a long wait.

Still stunned by this mystery, I decided to resort to Google. My search led me to the story of Jesus on a ship in the Sea of Galilea.

A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him, and said to him, "Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?" He got up, rebuked the wind, and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down, and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" They were terrified, and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!" Mark 4:37-41

As the storm raged, Jesus slept. Now, this leads me to wonder about the work habits of Sleeping Jesus of Zap. Perhaps it is a compliment, because he remains calm in a crises, but on the other hand, it could be construed as an insult. The mystery remains, and only Kenny Nelson, the county road crew superintendent, knows the answer to the mystery.

Cube News 1: I've Been Banned!

Watch this little Firecracker

Gravity and Gates don't Mix

Yesterday was the second cross country ski for the season. His lordship has never mastered high speed downhill turns with those blasted slats. With Pat, Lauren, Reverend Bill , and his wife we headed for the Golf Course. The transition from Donovan's new house to the golf course involved a drop of about one hundred feet in elevation. The Commander headed down the narrow snow covered road in the woods. Her little sports car body had no problem turning and stopping. His Lordship went next with his tractor trailer body. As gravity began to take effect the laws of gravity were in force. As I accelerated around the corner suddenly a gate appeared across the road. Turning and stopping were the only options. My lack of skill and the rutted road made sure neither had the desired effect. His Lordship ended up in a muddy pile in the road. By now Pat was on his way. Pat suddenly realized the gate was there and had his wreck after he zipped by me. For a few moments it did not look like Pat was going to make it around the pile of flesh I had become. No real damage was done, and we had a good ski.

Lord Kadizzle becomes Kataxeled

Lord Kadizzle spent the last two days paying his taxes. To say the least, he feels kataxeled. The most astonishing part of project occurred when the button to print the return was hit. Out of the computer came 38 pages of tax returns. Now keep in mind, his lordship used Turbo Tax to do his taxes, so the two-day process was considerably sped up.

If Americans understood the tax system, they would rebel, that is why it has been made so complicated. The system, when examined closely, very much favors the haves over the have nots. With close examination of the system, one would find that people who work for a living are punished, while those who collect interest checks and dividends are rewarded.

A splendid example of needless complication is Turbo Tax. This company has done what the federal government should do. Turbo Tax has made a computer program that leads you through the nonsense step by step. I am sure the average taxpayer puts out $100 for tax preparation. That would mean the federal government could spend billions of dollars to develop an automated system, and still everyone would come out ahead.

As I said earlier, most of the time when the populace is going to get fleeced, the most popular technique is needless complication. With today’s computer systems, the information could all be tied together without your intervention. As the system is now set up, I call the Charles Schwab computer and tell it to tell Turbo Tax what it knows. I can tell my computer to go to the employers and get from their computer what Turbo Tax needs to know. In the final stage, Turbo Tax tells the government computer what it knows. All the information is on a computer somewhere, and the computers only need to communicate, but too much information sheds too much light.

Let me give you a fine example: Good old Warren Buffet, the second richest man in the United States, who happens to have a social conscience, published his findings on the tax system. What Mr. Buffet pointed out was that his receptionist was being taxed at a considerably higher tax rate than he was being taxed. Obviously, Mr. Buffet is not an idiot. When the facts are boiled down to their essence, it turns out the people on the bottom are paying taxes at a much higher rate than they realize.

The most bizarre tax is the Social Security Tax. Few people understand that once you go over the $95, 000 threshold, you no longer pay Social Security. This translates into an automatic seven percent discount on taxes for those making over that amount.

In the end, most people give up and just pay their taxes even though they don’t have a clue what is happening. That is the way we want it to be. That is why we spend billions to feed more lawyers and accountants than any other country. Make everything complicated so ordinary people cannot understand it or deal with it. Look at our health care system, just one more example of a needlessly complicated system designed to provide the least with the least.

The Swiss Deliver

One of the great joys of travel are the new friends you meet. While we were camped on the Paria River, we met two Swiss travelers at the lottery. Everyday, there is a lottery held to determine who gets to see the Wave rock formations. People from all over the world come to see and photo these formations. Only twenty people per day are allowed to go into the area in order to protect it. Each morning before 9AM, you place your name in a lottery. If your name is drawn, you get to go the next day. If you are not drawn, you can come the second day and have your name put in twice, and on the third day three times. Our Swiss friends had been driving sixty miles each day to enter the lottery, and were having no luck. Lord Kadizzle invoked diplomatic immunity on their behalf, and enabled them to photo the Wave in the later part of the day. In return, the gracious Swiss, who happened to be excellent amateur photographers, sent some of their high quality photos they took that day. This was in addition to the imported beer they brought to our mobile palace parked on the Paria.

Deep in the Colorado Mountains

Deep in the woods near Evergreen Colorado "Old Man Fran" and "Jones E. Bear" (aka. Snoocherbear )live with the wild animals. The fox and the elk pass by and look at the old Snoocherbear in her little office, and she looks back with her camera. Who else gets a view from their office like this?

Bush wants to draft Civil War Reenactors

In The Know: Our Troops In Iraq

Welcome to North Dakota, Where you can shoot the UPS man

You can't get elected in North Dakota unless you have the support of the National Rifle Association. Of course the NRA wants some paybacks, so the Republican Legislature has been working on some new legislation that will make it easier to shoot someone at your doorstep. If you decide to blow away the UPS guy, it is up to him to prove he meant no harm. I had to make Megan put the gun down after she got the wrong stuff in a package UPS delivered.

I am not sure what the current law is in North Dakota about carrying guns to church, but I know Utah now makes it legal. A gun in church is just what you need if you are going to fight Satan. Our legislature is always trying to catch up with the most backward states, so it will not be long before we can follow Utah's lead. It used to be illegal to carry guns into schools in Utah, but no longer. I know it would have helped my grades if I sat in class with my shotgun.

When we were in Sedona this year hiking, we reached a location that the Pink Jeep Tours also visit. Two Canadian friends were hiking with us. The Canadians found it hard to believe that both the man and woman Jeep Tour guides that happened to be there had revolvers strapped to them. I am not sure if this guise was to show foreign visitors how dangerous the West is, or to prove to them we are indeed a country of gun nuts. The dangerous area we were hiking in was about three hundred yards from a Sedona neighborhood.

The Human Cost of Illegal Immagration

Immigration: The Human Cost