One more day in the world of man versus bird. The commander insisted that she cook up the game plan to attack the wily pheasant today. As I tried to tell her from my years of engaging the enemy that we needed to attack from the south. Our troops could come from below the hill and force the pheasants into confusion. Commander Winky would have no part of it. We sent troops in from the Northwest and I tried to block the blasted cacklers from the East. Sure enough they must have had some sharp lookouts. In a variety of flights they moved South into good cover. Just as I predicted they went down the valley and escaped.
This is what I have come to call an Audubon hunt. You have the pleasure of seeing birds in the distance, but shooting is out of the question. The commander did manage to get one fool who tried to hide in the reeds. Normally this is not a place we can hunt, because it is posted; however the commander saw the owner in town and managed to get permission. It should have been a great entrapment, and it saddens me to see the battle lost for lack of tactics. Birds one, idiots nothing.
Next we moved to our next mistake. We have been trapping the birds on a fence line for the last week or so. Megan’s beau Ned managed to do some damage when he took part in this ambush. Commander Winky deployed her troops from the North with the instructions to help Lord Kadizzle put the famous pincer movement on a weed encrusted rock pile we suspected the enemy to be using for cover. Winky jumped a couple, but could not inject the lead. Now, for a reason beyond my comprehension, the commander did not put the final squeeze on the rock pile. I came in from the East, and she was supposed to cover from the West. Winky did not get close enough and the old cackler escaped from me on her side of the rock pile.
As we went over the hill a flock of grouse got up en masse. The commander was originally not going to make the hike across the field with me, but when she saw the grouse, she could not resist. However, when she got out of the car the birds left for China. The commander went by car to the food plot on the East side of the field while I continued to pursue the grouse on foot. Somehow I walked past the grouse and they got up behind me and came my way. Grouse are very much like the commander, once they make up their mind about what they are going to do nothing will change their mind, including common sense. Grouse will fly toward you if the head grouse says to. At any rate they came at me very high and to the North. It was a marvelous bus stop shot and I got one. The bus stop shot is executed by yelling “ meet you at the bus stop”, and then you shoot way ahead of the bird. If the bird and the number four shot get to the bus stop at the same time, you will have meat on the table. With great pleasure Mr. Benelli, alias Table meat, met the bird at the bus stop and the crowd cheered.
Soon after the bus stop shot the commander opened up with some long shots at grouse in the food plot. These were what we call “gun cleaners”. The range is so great you do not stand a chance, but it does insure the barrel of the gun is unobstructed. Just after that episode a flock of partridge got up. The commander made a flock shot. This is equivilant to shooting into a theater; you are bound to hit something. One partridge was wounded in the gang style slaying. I could see where it was from over a hundred yards away, but over the radio the commander yelled “Get over here you nit whit, and help me find this bird”. With simple instructions I explained to her where it was, basically right at her feet. Now we had the trifecta, a pheasant, a grouse, and a partridge.
As we drove to the next spot the commander began to berate me and say I was clueless about where I was going. I told her I knew exactly where I was going and would show her a nice flock of grouse. The ruler of the universe said I was insane to think that just because I had once seen grouse in a spot that they would still be there. I asked if she was prepared to eat crow. I suggested she might find crow good with horse radish. Just as we peaked the hill where I said the grouse would be, fifty of them took off. The commander served crow for dinner with humble pie.
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