The supreme court is going to make it possible for religious schools to get tax dollars. A new religion has just come into being. We are called Kadizzlites. In our religion the children come to our school to get indoctrinated in left wing socialism. That is what Jeeeesus wanted. Once we get the money from your tax dollars for our school it will be built in the shape of a peace symbol. Of course the principles office will be ornate and comfortable. Teachers will be paid little or nothing to conserve money so the principle can go to conferences in the Caribbean. As much money as possible will be diverted to Lord Kadizzle. He will be the equivalent of the Pope. Think about this, tax dollars going to Catholic schools. The head of the Catholic gang lives in an elaborate castle. Now, if the old pope can do it, why can't Lord Kadizzle.
You have to love religion. What other business has no product but fantasy, and it's profits are tax free? In the old days churches had a specific price for sins, going to heaven, and so on. The Church of Kadizzlites will have many great features.
1. You can have as many wives as you want. For the women you can have all the husbands you want. Now beat that Mormons.
2. Mormons offer each Mormon to be the God of their own planet when they die. Kadizzlites can get a Universe, plus a black hole. The black hole is where the donations will go. Nobody will every find out what you did with the money. Trump has one.
3. You get to write ten of your own commandments.
4. Forgiveness is $19.95 with a money back garantee
5. You can get an extended warrenty that last all the time after you are dead for an extra $12.00 a month.
6. The church will cremate you if you donate five gallons of gas, or diesel. ( full disclosure, some of the left over fuel will go in Lord Kadizzle's vehicles)
7. Most churches make you tithe 10%, not this one. Instead you have a Kadizzle credit card that charges 10% on unpaid balances. (Please not that if you do not contribute 10% on church day, that is an unpaid balance)
8. You can make church day any day you want.
9. You get to decide who you will hate in the name of religion, what sexual practices you approve of, and decide what other religions are wrong.
10. The Church building will house Lord Kadizzle. It will have a baptismal pool with a hot tub section, diving board, and will have heated water. The pool will be big enough to baptize the entire congregation at once. Swim suits are optional at the baptismal pool. The pool will be filled with holy water.
11. The grounds will have a nice orchard with the fruits of god. Of course the will be a vineyard.
12. Communion will feature hard liquor and mixed drinks. Gin will be served as the blood of Kadizzle. The tonic will be called the rain of heaven, with a lime slice of forgiveness.
Why would you go to an ordinary church when you can have it all with Lord Kadizzle. Keep in mind sexual abuse of alter boys will not be permitted, nor will any abuse of the nuns. Incidentally the nun outfits will be much more sexy to temp sinners so we can throw them out of the church. Also as a policy matter we will no lie to children. If children as if Lord Kadizzle is omnipotent, they will be told he is actually impotent.
Lying will not be tolerated. As you may recall the incident when a prisoner accused Lord Kadizzle of being a member of the Ku Klux Klan. In open church Lord Kadizzle said " Someone is accusing Lord Kadizzle of being a member of the Klan, if that person does not stand up and confess they will go to hell". That was when sister Marybell stood up and said " I didn't say you was a member of the Klan, I said you was a wizard between the sheets"
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