The Soft Dirt Factory in Woodsdale

Sister Kate has been bugging me about writing of Lord Kadizzle's first foray into capitalism. As a young entrepreneur of four or five Lord Kadizzle recognized the need for quality dirt. Since his Lordships mother had plants every where on the front porch of the house, the need for quality dirt was evident. The research department of Kadizzle enterprises quickly discovered that the problem with most dirt was that it was too hard. In this spirit soft dirt was invented. Now, what you may ask is soft dirt? Soft dirt is made by carefully screening normal dirt through an old piece of window screen. The result if you use good high quality dry dirt, is soft dirt. Once packaged in quart jars, soft dirt was ready for the consumer.

Ideally soft dirt could be used for your plants, however it could be used where ever dirt was needed. It was like instant dirt. Since it was packaged very dry, you could just add water and have high quality soft mud.

As the demand for soft dirt expanded, it became necessary to surface mine it in the back yard. The net result was a very large hole. Lord Kadizzle’s father, the Arch Duke of Kadizzle was for some strange reason tolerant of the excavation which was about ten by ten by three feet deep. The Arch Duke insinuated that it could become swimming pool. In retrospect it seems like a make work project to keep a bunch of little kids busy. Every kid in the neighbor hood wanted to help dig the hole, so it became the practice to charge the employees to work. This was long before Bush invented the idea, and may have been the roots of Bush’s regressive tax plan.

As luck would have it the soft dirt factory had no insurance, and sure enough a disaster hit. The fine crew of young boys managed to dig up the gas line leading to the house. My recollection is not complete, but I think we managed to break it. The net result was we needed a new gas line laid into our house. Luckily by some imaginative bickering Arch Duke Kadizzle found out the gas line had been improperly installed in the first place, and it was up to the gas company to replace it. Fortunately this kept the soft dirt factory from being forced out of business.

The sales department of the factory went door to door in Woodsdale with quart jars of dirt, and it sold well to old ladies, who could always use a quart for their plants. Now anyone can find countless imitators of the original soft dirt marketing strategy on late night televion. All sorts of products with the value of dirt are being package and sold for $19.95. The next time you see Pat Robertson, or some other preacher bilking and old lady, remember it was Lord Kadizzle who first thought of the idea of packaging hope in quart jars and selling it.