RGO – If there was any doubt about Big Oil's undue influence on the government of North Dakota, which there should not have been, this week's news of the State Historical Society crumpling like a $6 lawn chair in the face of pressure from the energy industry should put it to rest.
The North Dakota Heritage Center in Bismarck had a traveling exhibit from the Smithsonian Institution titled "Green Revolution," which highlighted some of the harmful effects of fossil fuels. The oil and coal boys didn't like it, because they wrote big checks to help build the Heritage Center and any talk of air pollution or climate change conflicted with their exhibits of the all-around unquestionable wonderfulness of fossil fuels.
Perhaps they thought any acknowledgement of the side effects of fossil fuel would warp young minds, sort of like science pornography.
"Daddy, is the smoke in those pictures air pollution?"
"Air pollution? What air pollution? All I see belching from those smokestacks is jobs and money, Billy. Now look away and never speak of this moment again. It's time for the next exhibit, sponsored by Mr. Hamm, that tells us how putting 50 oil pads on sacred Native American land actually enhances its cultural significance."
"Ooh, awesome! Daddy, I love oil."
"Me, too, son. Me, too. C'mon, sport, let's race! First one to the life-sized sculpture of Lynn Helms licking Mr. Hamm's boots gets a bottle of Bakken light sweet crude!"
So the energy boys sent emails voicing their concerns and, poof, the next thing you know the "Green Revolution" was shuttered, hidden from public view behind a locked door. Kind of the way we used to treat lepers.
The folks at the Heritage Center, of course, said there was no pressure to close the exhibit. They thought the "Green Revolution" was boring from day one (as opposed to the oil-sponsored exhibit about land reclamation, which makes the hair on the back of one's neck stand up). They are also looking for ways to "balance" the information presented—by asking energy industry groups for input.
There has been progress. Thanks to a leaked memo, we've found out about some of the changes to "Green Revolution" once it reopens using the ideas of the energy industry:
— It will no longer be called "Green Revolution." The exhibit will now be named "EPA Overreach—The Federal Government's Increasing Infringement of Your Personal Freedoms."
— Any reference to climate change in the exhibit has to include the word "hoax." Also, there will be a video board playing a loop of Sean Hannity explaining that because it gets cold in the winter in North Dakota, that's irrefutable proof there is no such thing as climate change.
— Information about "green jobs" will be allowed to stay. However, in an effort to drive visitors away from it, a lifelike hologram of North Dakota House Majority Leader Al Carlson, will be displayed nearby.
— Recycling information will be enhanced with an exhibit titled "100 Re-Uses for Radioactive Filter Socks." Among them: safety vests for highway workers, glow sticks for Bison football games and street lights for budget-strapped small towns.
— A new display: "The Upside of Oil Spills: Augmenting Natural Selection." This is where we find out animals killed by spills would've died anyway because they weren't smart enough to live in an area that didn't have oil.
— There will be a sign posted near the exhibit entrance that says, "Oil and coal paid for the tyrannosaurus rex you see in this museum. If you insist on entering this exhibit, there's a chance we may take it away. It's up to you. Just saying."
— To balance a display about pollution that includes the line, "The effects of industry remain in the environment for many years and are very costly in terms of human health, ecological damage, and cleanup," there will be a competing display called "Living In Harmony With Pollution." It will include the following information: "Don't be so quick to sell poisonous air and water short! There are many benefits to pollution including decreased life expectancy for pesky poor people, increased profits from bottled-water sales and less boat traffic on bodies of water rendered lifeless from chemicals. If we just give pollution a chance, we can all learn to love it!"
With these changes, the controversial "Green Revolution" exhibit should become more exciting and balanced for Heritage Center visitors. More important, it should satisfy those calling the shots in North Dakota. And we aren't talking about politicians.
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