Lord Kadizzle is not a religious man in the traditional sense, so by some quirk of fate it seems odd that he is parked at an RV spot in a monastery. However, it quickly became apparent how God works. As we pulled into the monastery it became clear their calling was pecans. The monastery folks were busy trimming the pecan trees. Kadizzle quickly figured out how the lord works. Each pecan is a soul. When the pecan falls from the tree, that is the fall from grace. At the reception area the kind lady with an angelic face and an attitude to match was a dead give away. Once the pecans fall from grace they must be gathered and cleansed of sin. After Kadizzle got the camper parked it was not long before he noticed the machinery for cleaning the sin from the souls not far behind the camper. After awhile some fellow turned up and appeared to be sorting through the pecans in the machinery. It turned out to be the lord. God explained to Kadizzle how the machine worked to cleanse the souls of sin. The first machine shook up and gently squeezed the souls to remove the lighter outer coating of sin. The next machine blew away all the easy sins. Then God gave the souls a going over and removed the rest of the sins the machine could not easily take off. God put all the souls with the final layer of sin in a five gallon bucket. In the room where the hard shell of sin was removed God showed Kadizzle how it was done by taking the machine apart. God had a clever machine that straitened the souls out, and laid them on a little conveyor. The lord explained it did not matter which way they faced, but they had to be straight. I think he was telling Kadizzle all that nonsense about Baptist, Jew, Muslim and so on did not really make a bit of difference, you just had to be straitened out when you got the hard sins removed. On the sin conveyor each soul was lined up and given a sharp tap on either the head or the ass depending on how you got straitened out. Apparently for some it was a head problem, and for others they just needed a hard kick in the ass. Once the final layer of sins were loosened another series of machines blew away as much of the evil as possible. This morning God explained to me that for the final treatment the souls were taken to a group of angels that picked away any imperfections in the souls. At this point Kadizzle's curiosity got the best of him. Kadizzle pointed out that none of the souls went to hell. God laughed, and told Kadizzle that was all just a bunch of nonsense. "What kind of God would let anyone go to hell he said?". So here we sit in paradise watching the sins get washed away, and God seems much nicer than he was ever portrayed in all those silly books people wrote about him. With all the religious paraphernalia all around the lord never suggested to old Kadizzle to pray or go to church, he just said enjoy our bird walk. The good news is God has a sense of humor. After explaining to Kadizzle how he sorted the souls, God said I got to take a bucket up to the nut house. That is where the angels give the pecans their final cleaning. Kadizzle said to the lord "I never heard the term nut house used like that". The lord said "Well we call this the crack house". I told him "Oh, I get it now, first you go to the crack house, and then the nut house". Yup saith the lord.
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