Lord Kadizzle's wife, The Commander

In nothing but a T-shirt, and a pair of undies, The Commander just marched by on the way to the washing machine, with her hands full of dirty cloths. She announced in her authoritarian voice, "We are going hunting today". To most men this would be a dream come true to have a wife that says "I am taking you fishing today, or I am going to insist you watch football". So The Commander and I will be off soon to fight the communist pheasants into submission. The way we go after these poor fellows you would think they were the Hatfields, or the McCoys. The most amazing thing is that with a brain the size of a golf ball at best, they can defeat us, frustrate us, and cause more havoc, than George Bush with a full sized brain. Once we get to the field the pheasants will sit in the brush and laugh as we decide to use one of our two failing techniques. First is what we call the Audubon Hunt, we make so much noise that the birds hear us a mile away. It is called the Audubon hunt because all we get to do is bird watch. The major failure of the Audubon technique is that we walk side by side. The birds have countless ways to escape. Our next move is the German Panzer attack. This involves each of us starting at opposite ends of a tree row. This two usually fails because it is very difficult for two Germans to surround twenty pheasants. The pheasants have an air force, and we don't. Our only hope is the dumb pheasant that sits still thinking "Those idiots will never find me". The pheasant is correct, but he has missed one rule of the hill billy universe, "Even a blind hog will root". I am not sure what this means, but I think it means even an idiot will stumble on something. So that poor bird will panic when the idiot brigade almost steps on him. Finiease P. Pheasant still has a few things going for him as he flies away. Usually only one idiot is close enough to shoot. That idiot frequently forgets to take the safety off the gun, or fails to have a shell in the chamber. Assuming every thing goes well, the bird gets shot. It is gods plan. Any bird that falls prey to idiots is an idiot. This is how survival of the fittest works. The net result is we are creating smarter pheasants. Now this truly shows what idiots we are.