BREAKING NEWS: Trump just fired the head of Labor Statistics for "being too mathematical."
According to the former president, "Numbers are very unfair to me. I like statistics that love me back. Bigly numbers only."
When asked who will replace the statistician, Trump announced he's considering his "gut feelings," a Magic 8-Ball, or possibly a guy he met at Mar-a-Lago who "knows numbers better than anyone, believe me."
America's new official unemployment figure: "The best you've ever seen, maybe ever, no one’s ever seen numbers like this before."
