Hot Air and MAGA Myths: Cheap Entertainment for a Bored Mind
It’s sweltering outside, and inside, the A/C hums like a lullaby for the lazy. Kadizzle should probably pick up a book—expand the mind, feed the soul, yada yada—but instead, he finds himself pulled back into a guilty pleasure: observing the intellectual gymnastics of Car Guy, the MAGA community’s answer to Kafka if Kafka had a mullet and a Facebook addiction.
Car Guy is a legend in his own mind and a recurring act in the local MAGA circus. He recently left some comments on this blog that offer a generous sampler platter of his mental buffet—heavy on conspiracy, light on protein. His favorite move? The time-honored MAGA art of turning footnotes into felonies.
Take, for instance, the ancient and sacred tale of the “assault” on Kevin Cramer. Here’s how it went down: Kadizzle dropped $23 down Cramer’s shirt collar. Scandalous? Only if you think loose change is a weapon of mass destruction. No charges were filed. Kevin Cramer himself said it wasn’t assault. But don’t tell that to the MAGA smear squad—truth just gets in the way of the story.
This myth got its big break thanks to Gary Morris, the local rumor sprinkler. He discovered that someone with the same name as Kadizzle, who once lived near him, had a couple of assault charges. That’s all it took. MAGA logic kicked in: Same name? Must be the same guy. That’s investigative journalism in Trumpworld—less “60 Minutes,” more “Drunk Uncle with a Facebook.”
Once launched, the tale spread like QAnon memes in a truck stop. Gary Morris passed it on. Michael Heather joined in. Even Mayor Steve Otto got in on the action. Kadizzle, being a radical believer in facts, approached each of them. Not one had the backbone to defend the fiction they were peddling. Otto even claimed Kadizzle assaulted him by daring to speak to him in public. If words could bruise egos, Otto must’ve been black and blue for weeks.
Eventually, the nonsense made its way into court, where—surprise—the judge ruled in Kadizzle’s favor. Because unlike MAGA meetings, courts still require evidence.
Now we’ve got Car Guy. A self-declared secret agent of righteousness, he warns that he must keep his identity hidden—possibly from Antifa, the FBI, or a shadowy cabal of fact-checkers. Kadizzle offered to meet him anywhere: police station, library, even the MAGA gift shop. Car Guy agreed—then ghosted. Apparently bravery runs on Facebook fumes and collapses in real life.
Car Guy’s whole act is like watching a ferret try to do calculus. He spins in circles, ties himself in knots, and then declares victory because he didn’t swallow his own tail. It’s dumbfounding, yet irresistibly watchable—like a soap opera, if everyone wore red hats and thought Dr. Fauci lived in a cave under the Capitol.
Yes, Kadizzle should read a book. Something enlightening, like 1984, or How to Argue with Idiots Without Losing Your Mind. But for now, Car Guy is putting on a live show of American absurdity—and it’s just too hot to look away.
1 comment:
The fact that you think your justified in placing money down another person's shirt just because its "Only" 23 bucks! Says it all! You have been kicked off other people's property, kicked off radio stations, numerous restraining orders. No one other than your 6 member pot smoking liberal chair circle agrees with anything you say. You can't even garner support on your own blog! Your nothing more than a useless perverted peeping tom.
Post a Comment