The Great Hunt

Well, we completed the mission. His Lordship is happy to report Table Meat Jr. did just great. Lord Kadizzle often wondered if his old gun Table Meat could ever be replaced, but Jr. seems to be filling the role. Lord Kadizzle is a gentle man by nature and does not like to see any living creature forfit its life, however one must remember Pheasants are not from here. They were imported from China. Lord Kadizzle could not be elected to the legislature in North Dakota because the Republicans said "He is not from here". So Lord Kadizzle has come to understand that everything that "is not from here" must be subdued, that is why we kill pheasants. It is the right thing to do in North Dakota. Six ended up in the basket. There were two poor fellows that were shot, but escaped. Back to Table Meat, he made some long shots, some quick shots, and missed very few. The Commander did not have as many shots and wanted to hunt until she got her share. His Lordship told her to walk a couple of choice places, but she did not listen. His Lordship did the walking and got the birds.

Lord Kadizzle's wife, The Commander

In nothing but a T-shirt, and a pair of undies, The Commander just marched by on the way to the washing machine, with her hands full of dirty cloths. She announced in her authoritarian voice, "We are going hunting today". To most men this would be a dream come true to have a wife that says "I am taking you fishing today, or I am going to insist you watch football". So The Commander and I will be off soon to fight the communist pheasants into submission. The way we go after these poor fellows you would think they were the Hatfields, or the McCoys. The most amazing thing is that with a brain the size of a golf ball at best, they can defeat us, frustrate us, and cause more havoc, than George Bush with a full sized brain. Once we get to the field the pheasants will sit in the brush and laugh as we decide to use one of our two failing techniques. First is what we call the Audubon Hunt, we make so much noise that the birds hear us a mile away. It is called the Audubon hunt because all we get to do is bird watch. The major failure of the Audubon technique is that we walk side by side. The birds have countless ways to escape. Our next move is the German Panzer attack. This involves each of us starting at opposite ends of a tree row. This two usually fails because it is very difficult for two Germans to surround twenty pheasants. The pheasants have an air force, and we don't. Our only hope is the dumb pheasant that sits still thinking "Those idiots will never find me". The pheasant is correct, but he has missed one rule of the hill billy universe, "Even a blind hog will root". I am not sure what this means, but I think it means even an idiot will stumble on something. So that poor bird will panic when the idiot brigade almost steps on him. Finiease P. Pheasant still has a few things going for him as he flies away. Usually only one idiot is close enough to shoot. That idiot frequently forgets to take the safety off the gun, or fails to have a shell in the chamber. Assuming every thing goes well, the bird gets shot. It is gods plan. Any bird that falls prey to idiots is an idiot. This is how survival of the fittest works. The net result is we are creating smarter pheasants. Now this truly shows what idiots we are.

Door To Door Atheists Bother Mormons

This guy actually dresses as the Mormons do and goes to Salt Lake City to knock on doors. It is wonderful to see someone give them a bit of their own medicine.

The Great Wall of Hazen

As yesterday drew to a close I ended the day with a great deal of respect for the builders of the Great Wall of China. With the help of the mayor I built the great wall at the pocket park for the third time. The first time I built the wall, The Commander didn't like it. So I tore it down and rebuilt. The second time I built the wall the Mayor didn't like it, so the mayor and I rebuilt it yesterday.The latest version still needs some tweaking, but we had to stop due to frustration late in the day. Piling up stones would seem like a simple matter, but there are many lessons. The temptation to work with the easiest stones first is a big mistake. When you get to the end all you will have left is irregular stones that don't fit, you realize the easy way out doesn't work. Both the mayor, and The Commander wanted to start on both ends and work toward the middle. Neither would listen to me when I said that was a mistake. Try piling up stones, and then go look at what the Indians of the southwest did, look at what the Egyptians did, look at the castle builders, and the Incas, and you will have a new respect. The mayor and Lord Kadizzle had the advantage of modern equipment. We could move the stones hydraulically. From one day of work the skin on my hands is cracked and sore. Moving stones has been one of mans oldest accomplishments, but I don't think I could make it in the stone age.

Read Frank Rich in Today's New York Times

If you have an once of concern about the course our country is taking be sure to read Frank Rich's column in the New York Times today. Remember, you can read it free on the net. If I have any sense of history or knowledge of our past, it is my opinion that we have never had a worse president than George Bush. We have had other presidents that did nothing, but Bush has managed to do nothing positive, while being the best fertilizer ever for the viruses that are eating away our economy, our freedom, and everything we stand for as a nation. Personally I do not think Bush has enough intelligence to even be harmful. In my opinion he is just a useful dolt for people like Karl Rove, and Dick Cheney. Bush is a dupe of the highest order. That Americans go about their business while soldiers die because of his incompetence should be disturbing to everyone, but we all have nice TVs, and our children are not subjected to the draft, and so far we have been able to make it by mortgaging the house and living on credit cards, so why should we care?

New Golf Game in Stanton, or Drive by Shooting

Once Ray makes up his mind, very little deters him. Frisbee golf is not his cup of tea, so he has come up with Bambi ball. Ray has a nice course West of his house. Each green has a different crop for Bambi. A "Hole in one" has a completely new meaning when you golf with Ray. Lord Kadizzle is anxiously awaiting the picture of Ray with a Buck strapped to the top of his golf cart. Since his surgery Ray painted a blue stripe around his whole farm, so he has handicap parking everywhere, which under his rules means you can shoot from the cart. Back at the club house when they ask, " Howd ya do". Ray will reply " I got a hole in one". What were you using? "Oh, my 306 Winchester".

There has been a lot of controversy in North Dakota about canned hunting. South of Hazen we have canned Elk Hunts where you shoot an Elk penned up behind a fence for five thousand dollars. I don't know how Bambi Ball will go over with PETA, but I am sure it will draw a whole new group of sportsman to our area. Go get em Tiger Kerns.

Quinn the Eskimo

Boulder Wrestling

Yesterday was spent with the Commander wrestling large pieces of granite into positon at the Pocket Park. By noon I had a pretty good wall built on the back of the park, then the Commander showed up and said she did not like the way the rocks were laid out. So in a brief fit of insanity I complied with her wishes and made some changes. Getting a 1500lb rock to move exactly where you want it can be very frustrating. The rocks had to be set on edge, so the task was even worse. By the end of the day we more or less had the job done. If I can get some pictures I will post them later.

My Republican Neighbor

Last night Gerty came over for the regular evening sip of wine. Gerty brought her hard core Republican husband, Pat. Pat is a nice neighbor and has an artistic bent. As far as art goes I told him he is an "Idiot savant". It is unavoidable when Pat and I are together that politics gets discussed. Pat was a former state legislator. Last night the topic of health care came up. According to Pat there is no problem, even though he has to send money to both his children to help pay the cost of health care. Keep in mind the people in our area elected Pat over and over. Now for the sad state of affairs we are in, Pat says Bush is one of the greatest presidents we ever had.

This morning as I reviewed the New York Times I came across Paul Krugman's editorial. Amazingly it was about the typical excuses for the poor quality of American health insurance. Krugman's writing sounded like he had just talked to Pat. One of the scariest prospects I face every day is knowing how many Pats there are wandering around on the end of the leash held by Rush Limbaugh, Karl Rove, and the rest of the bunch. At noon Pat takes as nap while he falls asleep listening to Rush Limbaugh. Sweet dreams Pat.

Pat Robertson Endorses Rudy

Make me puke. I never had an once of respect for Pat Robertson, now I have none for Rudy. Is he nuts letting this cheap religious fraud endorse him?

The Big Event

Today the little village of Hazen will have the grand opening of a new Store. This is not an ordinary store, but the small town version of a big box store. So, the first order of the day will be to go to the Grand opening. Now we can have soap, and socks, and all the other things the big city people enjoy. Once the mayor is freed up from the grand opening we can head up to what was once the largest earth filled dam in the world. The dam fellows must have had some concern, because they stockpiled a whole bunch of rocks. Our mission will be to bring a dump truck load of those rocks back to the pocket part to make a wall. That is how it is from our version of Lake Wobegon, where all the people are Republican, and life never goes forward. Where the biggest excitement is at the funeral home, and all the kids leave.

Long Day on the Hunt

Live Report from Kadizzle

Heritage In Focus: Farm Subsidies: Too Much of a Bad Thing

george bush is funny

Sunday Morning

"I woke up Sunday morning, and I couldn't find a way to turn my head that didn't hurt. The beer I had for breakfast was so good that I had one more for desert". That is how Johny Cash said it. I got up at five, read the sorrowful Bismarck Tribune, which takes a whole five minutes, and then went on to the New York Times. Actually I woke up feeling pretty good. Now that the hunters have left, I get up to an empty kitchen, while the Commander steals a few more winks. We now live in a age of an information flood. Tom Friedman is concerned about what will happen when every person in India has a $2,500 car. Maureen Dowd is bitching about Hillary, and there is a good article about the farm bill. What a joke the farm bill is. Now, like the article says the biggest welfare queens are farmers. North Dakota is right in the heart of these hypocrites. Where we just came from hunting there is mean farming son-of-a-bitch who gets over two hundred fifty thousand dollars a year in subsidies. He post all his land and flies over it with his private plane to make sure you don't hunt without paying him. My tax dollars pay this jerk to live like a king, and what does he give back in return? The poor guy who is just getting by has a paved runway on his farm and a plane for himself, and his son. He farms the government.

The Human Hand

These are amazing things someone has done with their hands. If you want to see more let me know

Big Jim, and Little Jim

The two buzzards, Big Jim, and Little Jim, went down to the combination, gas station, hardware store, and cafe to have breakfast.

A Good Time was had by all

Last night at three in the morning Jim, and Sam jumped in his truck and headed back to North Carolina. Roger, and Tom are still here, but will leave around noon. Our house has been thick with a southern accent. Luckily Lord Kadizzle and The Commander have a southern background, so we do not need interpreters. Roger is over at the stove cooking ho cake. God only knows what it is, but it sounds like a giant pancake. Every morning Roger does the cooking. It is nice having a morning cook. Of course each of our guest has a good chaw of tobacco going most of the time. In the morning we level Jim by getting the tabac to run out of each side of his mouth evenly. We have got to taste a lot of good southern wiskey. Tom is a Gentleman Jack man. Jim is a George Dickle fan, and Roger likes B&G 2004 Merlot. I almost forgot to mention that Roger spent ten days in Paris last summer, and now is a changed man. His service station in Ashboro now also features advice on wine, and a little French Cooking. Dennis brings his own homemade hooch. It comes in two flavors, cheery, and plum. Every night after the hunt we had a good meal prepared by The Commander. Last night she made her famous "Under the bridge stew". Served with fresh biscuits it will make you slap your granny.

Marmath the Video