Lumpadiglitus

Lumpa-digli- itus:  A condition that results from failure to walk by ice cream, pie, cake, or food in general. Kadizzle has lumpadiglitus.  Symtoms:  pants may feel tight, going up and down steps seems harder,  seats sink lower, bed caves in, food taste so good.

Lumpadiglitus is also known as dunlaps disease.  That is when your belly dun laps over your belt.

There is no known treatment for lumpadiglitus.  People recommend easing they symptoms by staying away from the refrigerator, the cupboards, the wine storage, and the grill.  All of them can cause the infection that make the mid section swell. 

People suffering are often afraid of scales, being seen naked,  and asked to walk up steps.

The lumpadiglitus society recommends a twelve step program.  First take twelve steps away from food, then take twelve steps in any direction, and continue taking twelve steps until you actually get some exercise.

The society has weekly meetings where rotten food is served, and all dishes are meant to be disgusting.  Often we invite a terrible cook to make a meal.  The room is surrounded by mirrors and 25 pound sacks of potatoes so we can figure how many sacks we weigh.

There is a handout for your spouse which has remarks they can make like " That shirt used to fit you" or " Do you want me to buy you a new belt?".

Lumpadiglitus is fatal.  No person with lumpadiglitus has ever lived beyond 110 years old.

Lumpers are what we call each other.  Now if you like to watch birds that is fine, but you can go to Walmart and watch lumpers.  How do you spot a lumper.  First look for the shadow.  A lumper will cast a large shadow.  In fact many lumpers have part time jobs providing shade at weddings.  Next look at the lumpers shopping cart. A good lumper will make a ring of sugar drinks around the top of the cart.  This makes it possible to stack the Cheetos higher.  Most lumpers wear comfortable clothes like pajamas and sweat pants.  A good lumper will drive an electric cart around the store. 

So Kadizzle will sign off with a cup of coffee in front of him.  This is the second or third cup and each cup has some Agave in it.  The agave is like glue for the fat cells that stick to Kadizzle.