Isolate yourself from reality.

Kadizzle can name so many people that make it a point not to watch or read anything that does not support the dream world they live in. Recently Kadizzle got in a prolonged written conversation with a fundamentalist. Repeatedly Kadizzle offered articles, books, and a variety of information to the poor girl lost in the fog. She wanted no part of it. Nothing was going to penetrate the world of stupidity she had concocted for herself. Kadizzle loves NPR. NPR is one source of news that goes out of its way to be truly fair and balanced. My young friend said she would not watch PBS or listen to NPR because Gwen Ifill played softball once with Obama. Bill Maher is about the best there is for going after the simple minded. I asked my friend if she watched him. Of course she did not. One consistant thing Kadizzle has found about those who chose to be ignorant is you can never pin them down. Kadizzle on many occasions has given one of the foggy minded an article and said "Read this and underline exactly what you disagree with". They never do. Frequently they will say "Well, that comes from the New York Times, so it has to be a lie". How easy it is to be stupid. Then you ask them "What is a good source for news?". They stare back at you with a blank look. Very quickly you realize when you talk to them all the information they do have is coming from the likes of Rush, Glenn Beck, and Fox. These people are being very careful to stay in their own world where Glenn makes up history, and Fox never apologizes for lying. Uninformed people are the biggest threat our country faces. We live in a country where knowledge is considered an evil indulgence by the East coast liberal elite. As my old Republican friend up the street always said "Education just confuses people". That is why communist countries are so care to make sure people do not have knowledge. In our country Rush, Glenn, and Fox take care of that for us.

As the escalator went up the pants went down

Kadizzle had been siting in the Chicago airport for two hours suffering from shear boredom. His seat happened to be close to where the escalator emerged from the floor below. As he glanced over at the escalator an older gentleman was proclaiming loudly to his wife with a lot of frustration, "This is he most embarrassed I have ever been in my life". As the man emerged from the escalator he walked duck style with his pants around his ankles. Apparently his britches had let loose on the escalator. Struggling to get his pants back up the man explained that he had not worn a belt. He thought this would make going through the metal detector easier. It was fine for that but did make the escalators a bit more of a problem. According to him he must have lost some weight while traveling and this would account for the pants coming down. He looked at me and said now what am I going to do. I told him there was a McDonalds near by, perhaps a couple cheeseburgers would remedy the situation. With his pants finally back at full mast he tried to make a scarf into a belt. Kadizzle hopes the rest of his day went better.

Kadizzle wanders into a strange store

A little bored waiting for Megan and The Commander to finish their beer in a bar where Megan used to bar tend, Lord Kadizzle stepped outside to wait on the sidewalk. Gazing into the store window next to the bar his lordship was a bit befuddled with the outfits on display. The outfits were a bit scanty and strange to say the least. Kadizzle decided to investigate further. As Kadizzle went into the store one of the first things he noticed were the fur lined hand cuffs. It soon became apparent what line of clothing this store was selling. Next his eye was caught by the pre-packaged outfits so your loved one could be a scantily clad nurse, police woman or what ever. Kadizzle turned to the clerk and said "It looks like this place is infested with Satan". The clerk responded that the music was strange for a satanic den, then Kadizzle notice the music was church music. The clerk explained that the computer was on the fritz and her selection on the radio just happened to feature church music. In the background the lyrics Hallelujah, Hallelujah, kept repeating. It seemed like such a nice touch for the dildo display. After inquiring about how well things were selling and getting a positive answer Kadizzle rejoined The Commander on the street. Kadizzle was going to ask The Commander if she needed anything from the store, but then he realized her inventory of whips and chains was in good shape and thought better of the notion. Perhaps The Commander would have enjoyed a skimpy general outfit, or a nice dictator suit with ruffles.

Bee Bumble Bee AKA Megan the fashion queen

Who ever thought our little Bee Bumble Bee would be a fashion designer in the heart of the Big Apple. Yesterday Bee Bumble also known as Cheech took us into the marble palace where she works. Lord Kadizzle and The Commander wandered around Macys, Cheech's new employer while waiting to see Meg in her new office. Turned out her office is in Penn Plazza. Even accompanied by the famous Cheech it took some finagling to get in. Once we got up near the sky we found where the Cheech nested. We got a preview of the fashions that will be appearing in the thrift store in Hazen around 2020. After some brief shopping for a camera, we were back in Brooklyn for Thai take out. One week in NYC and Kadizzle would be denser than spent uranium.

Life in the Big Apple

Luckily these people do not know there is an alternative universe. Instead of riding like packed sardines on the subway they could be casually driving home on a lonely road from a power plant in North Dakota, but here in NYC, the sardines are swimming against the current just to get home. Light speed is the pace of life in the metropolis. These people could not conceive of grabbing your shotgun and going for a stroll to blast a few pheasants in tranquility. I cannot work the spell checker on an apple computer, so forgive me. Total insanity is the only way to describe NYC. The poor Hasidic Jews have been forced by the white mans law to allow women to work in the store. These people are the strangest bunch of thieves that have ever breathed oxygen. Like so many that pretend to be orthodox they go nuts when they think no one is watching.

Kadizzle Lands in New York City

The Commander is brushing her teeth so she can start giving up dates. We call them UD's. A UD is usually something you all ready know like "Shut the door" or "It 's raining". The Commander sort of assumes Kadizzle is deaf, dumb, blind, and stupid. Since security is tight everywhere here Kadizzle almost managed to get himself locked out of the building on the fire escape. Kadizzle was trying to get to the roof top garden, which is not an easy task. Megan has a good view of the city from there. For a moment it looked like it was going to be a long walk down an exterior fire escape. Two country bumpkins will soon depart into the deepest depths of NYC. We may enter the subway here and appear at the end of the street in Hazen. From Megan's you have to go under the river to the main part of town. We have to put on snorkels Meg said when we go under the river. Meg said the subway conductor will announce when you put your snorkel on. This will be exciting. Kadizzle heard the Mafia throws bodies in the river, so we hope to see some out the subway window when we go under the river.

Kadizzle headed to NYC

Today the country bumpkins are headed to the big apple. Kadizzle has not yet decided if he will speak at the U.N. If he does it will be in the parking lot. Kadizzle will address the world about the problems facing the planet. The United States has fallen behind in just about everything. Our educational system is on the rocks. The dumber the better seems to be our new motto. We now have screaming idiots like Rush, Glenn, an Fox News producing morons at an unheard of rate. Stupidity is our biggest export. As the election nears we cannot wait to show the world that we can kick stupidity up a notch. We have an ex witch running in Delaware, we have Palin, Bachmann, and a host of women appealing to the simple minded. If the conservatives get their way in November the country will have reached a new low for a population totally dumbed down by Fox an Company. As the Chinese reach supremacy our population craves the simple answers offered by crying lying right wing idiots like Glenn Beck. Beck's current effort to rewrite history take the cake. In many cases he is off by a thousand years, but like one idiot said "I did not pay attention in High School, so I am learning history from Glenn Beck". Wow, what has happened. You may as well learn chemistry in a meth lab.

Glenn Beck the Modern McCarthy

Fall is upon us. Don't get where I will Fall

Fall is here. It is time to clean out the gutters, and the garden. Moving my old lumpy ass around on the roof with one shoe untied seemed like a sure recipe for a disaster. It is easy to see why this is one of the top dangers at a home. Looking from the roof at the yard everything looked pretty nice. The Commander was in the garden pulling up the last of the carrots. Earlier The Commander told Kadizzle to check a pepper to see if it was hot. The pepper had a delayed fuse. Kadizzle had to run in the house for water. Today we go to the lake top put the good ship to be. The amount of junk that will come of the Sovereign is amazing. Nest week we go visit our little fashion girl in New York City. This hick has not been to the Big Apple for over forty years. Megan is working at Macy's an it will be fun to visit her fashion empire. The next big phase of fall will be the great hunt. The usual group will gather at the railroad bunkhouse in Marmouth. Life has a definite rhythm for the Kadizzles. Each season is marked by its rituals.

The American Madrasah

Frequently in the news we see pictures of children in a Madrasah in Pakistan or Iran sitting there learning the Koran. In reality these kids learn nothing, and are often filled with hate for Americans. Sadly we have about the same thing in our country. Many of the so called Christian schools are nothing but the American version of the Madrasah. Resources that could be used to fund real schools and provide real improvement to public education are diverted to schools that indoctrinate, not educate. If the people so obsessed with protecting their children from reality would put the same effort into the public schools would the world not be a better place. Those behind the religious schools always demonize the public schools and insist on taking the easy way out and starting their own school instead of doing the hard thing and improving the public school. So many time you end up with the situation you have in Virginia. All the rich kids go to the private schools and all the poor blacks go to the public schools. Since the rich don't use the public schools they don't want to support them with taxes. Then these people have the audacity to cal themselves loving Christians. Go figure.

Transition Day

The good ship will come out of the water today, and the shotgun will come out of the closet. This marks the end of one season and the beginning of the next. This is how Kadizzle marks time in the endless cycle leading to the grave.

The Captain gets Horny

Recipe for Potato Crispers

Kadizzle remembered the good old day when he used to harvest potatoes with Charlie Johnson. Today Kadizzle checked out the potato field. Low an behold there was an acre of unharvested potatoes. Kadizzle harvested a big bucket full and washed them. The Commander had told Kadizzle in no uncertain terms he was to cook dinner. These potatoes were designed to become french fries. Kadizzle took a large pan and sliced the potatoes thin length wise. Carefully Kadizzle laid the orphan spuds out in the pan so they were all flat. Prior to that chef Kadizzle greased the large pan with some virgin olive oil. On top of the poor homeless potatoes Kadizzle put a few nice kernels of butter. A dash of garlic salt, some crazy salt and let the little munchkins cook at 350 until crisp. The commander was delighted as we ate potatoe crispers and watched the news. Perhaps tomorrow Kadizzle will rescue more Irish orphans. The taters that were not used today will be donated to Gerty. Gerty will make the poor fellows into Lefsa. Rescuing potatoes is not for everyone, but it brings joy to the Irish.

The Muslin Threat

Sleeping has become difficult thinking about the possibility the Muslins will build a Moss in Hazen. Once the Muslins do that we could end up with a community center where Muslins might exercise and read the Coran. However their is some comfort in the new Republican pledge to save America. The Republicans are proposing funding a new missile system. Yup, just what we need when the deficit is out of control. Since those silly Russians don't want to play war anymore who can we fire the missiles at? It must be the Muslins. Apparently there are some defense contractors out of work and the Republicans are going to build a defense system against ideas. If the system works on Muslins there is hope we can develop a missile defense against Hindus. Apparently the new missiles can detect Muslin head wear. If the missile senses a lot of people with too much cloth on their heads the missile will target them. You think Kadizzle is just fabricating this read the Republican Pledge to American. Those silly bastards actually say they want to destroy health care and restore tax cuts to the rich, and by the way the missile funding is in there.

Burn the Coran in the privacy of your own home

Hugging Old Ladies

Lord Kadizzle goes into the Hazen Thrift store on occasion. You can buy a good used towel there for ten cents. Take it home and clean the bath room, then throw it away. Yesterday Kadizzle wandered back to the back of the thrift store into a gaggle of old ladies sorting through junk. One of the ladies said "Are you Mike Quinn?". Kadizzle had recently written a letter to the local paper criticizing our hopeless District 33 Republicans. Kadizzle was expecting to get a good talking too from the senior citizen. With trepidation Kadizzle admitted he was in fact Mike Quinn. The cute little lady proceeded to laud praise on him for calling out the Republican bums. Kadizzle had to hug the lady. As Kadizzle left the store another senior lady also complimented him on his letter about the right wing dolts. Another hug was in order.

When Kadizzle wrote the letter he thought he would incur the wrath of every right wing loony in town. Much to his surprise nothing but compliments have ensued. Our local District 33 Republicans do nothing but protect us from gays, abortion, and make sure we have our guns and God. The Republicans that represent us never come to any meetings or advance our society. They are the classic just say NO bunch. Kadizzle thought the political climate in Hazen was hopeless, but if these senior women can see through the Republican scam there is surely hope.

The campaingn is off and running.

You want goofy, Kadizzle can show you goofy. Today will be the kick off for the Kadizzle Tea Party run. The Hazen Star is running my announcement for a write in candidacy today. My motto is "Why settle for a mediocre idiot, when you have the real thing?". If Kadizzle can get the support of Sara Palin perhaps we can put up a strong fight against the Muslin influence in North Dakota. If Kadizzle gets elected the socialist will no longer feel welcome in our town. There will be no more socialist fire department, and police department. If you want a fire truck hire one, don't expect everyone to kick in when you house catches fire. If someone robs your house call a friend. Why should I pay the police to protect you? This socialism has gone to far. Look at the roads we all have to pay for them. I never drive to New York, why should I have to pay for those roads. Because our so called conservatives have been asleep at the wheel North Dakota is the ONLY state with a state owned bank. Jesus we even have a socialist North Dakota Mill and Elevator. Where are our right wingers? Of course the worst sin of all is Social Security. Kadizzle will put an end to that nonsense after he collects a little to pay some bills. Kadizzle is against masturbation, unauthorized fun of any sort, and encouraging people to be poor with welfare. Now send me some money, so I can get this campaign against people getting you money underway.

Hitler Moves to Hazen

When this video begins click on it so it plays full screen and you can read the subtitles. The subtitles are everything.

Hauling Goats to Bismarck

When an old goat need to get to Bismarck to see the doctor, who do they call? Kadizzle. Today will be a goat hauling day. My old buddy Daryl will pull up in his white Cadillac shortly and we will be off to Bismarck. Daryl just had surgery on his hip. Because he is such an old goat they had a problem finding parts for him. Daryl is the envy of every old goat. Daryl has an older huge white Cadillac that every old person has always craved. In Florida the goats that have made it all drive these cars. When his chauffeur Kadizzle parks the beast goats come up and compliment him on the car. Kadizzle plays up the role of chauffeur for Daryl. When Daryl takes me out for breakfast Kadizzle announces loudly " I will bring up the car sir". There is the usual opening of the door and providing all the services a good driver should. Kadizzle needs a hat and the correct attire. Daryl likes to drive like an old goat, so he rarely goes more than 55 on the interstate. It drives him nuts when I go the speed limit.

Plea for Help gets some results.

A friend from Fargo suggested that if Kadizzle wants to run as a Tea Bagger he needs to sound dumber. He suggested Kadizzle call Muslims, Muslins. That is a great idea. We don't want them Muslins building a Moss near our homes. Next I think the Linens may be next, because I remember my mother saying she did not like Muslins or Linens. I think the Linens are more radical than the Muslins.

Kadizzle to run as write inn for State Senate

Kadizzle needs your help. Kadizzle want to run as a right wing lunatic in his local District 33. Hopefully this will draw a few votes away from the regular right wing lunatics. Below is a letter I would like to submit to the local paper. If you have nay ideas of how to make it more satirical or better, please feel free to let me know. This is just a draft and there is plenty of room for improvement




Dear Editor

I am submitting my name to the public as a write in candidate for the Ice Tea Party in Mercer County. I am seeking the Senate seat now held by Randy Christmann. What Mercer County needs is a candidate who will publicly speak out against Death Panels, The socialist threat of our county commission, and the right of Muslims to build Mosques in North Dakota. Randy Christmann has never taken a public stand against the Koran, masturbation, or gay Lutheran ministers. The people of District 33 need someone who will protect the tax breaks for the rich and be vocal about it. Has Randy Christmann ever denounced the lazy poor people in our county on welfare? Because the Republicans have been so lackadaisical about politics we now have a Kenyan president with a secret agenda to invoke Sharia Law. If elected I will take a strong stand in support of Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and against health care for the poor. I will fight to make sure the richest Americans get the tax breaks they deserve. If elected you will get a representative who is not bashful about exposing the socialist agenda of everyone who is not a right wing Republican. If you want a milk toast right winger who will not speak up don’t vote for me. I will post my birth certificate at the post office and support laws that all candidates have to post their birth certificates. My fellow Tea Party candidate, Christine O’Donnell is standing up against science. She has denounced the attempts by scientist to breed humans with mice. Has Randy ever take a stand against science? Has Randy ever denounced evolution? District 33 needs activist right wingers willing to burn Korans on main street, willing to tell the truth about the infiltration of Basin by Al Qeada, and willing to suspend the constitution when it is in the best interest of the Republican Party

Nation Once Again Comes Under Sway Of Pink-Faced Half-Wit

Read this Onion article on Glenn Beck, it is hilarious, and really tells the story. Click on the link. Nothing scares Lord Kadizzle like the dumbing down of our country. Glenn Beck, Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, and Hanity represent an America where people fall for every trick Nazi Germany used in it's propaganda. The right wing media stirs hate, paranoia, and the worst aspects of human nature. The Republicans are actually making money convincing the ill informed that tax breaks for the rich is the best answer to all problems. People who could read real information have chosen to follow the Fox cult and become mindless shadows of Rush. In a country where so many fought so hard for the right to read anything you want, it is so sad so many have chosen to deliberately be idiots addicted to the story telling to the right wing propaganda machine.

The Commander takes the Helm

With the wind roaring in our face we beat our way to Bear Den Bay. The rail of the good ship Sovereign was under water for an hour at a time. Pat and Nancy made the run with us. Ruth and Rodger were a little way back. Everyone did a great job with some strong winds.

The Adventure Begins

Today the good ship takes off heading West. After our first good adventure on the Western end of the lake The Commander insist we make another trip. The weather looks a little intimidating today, but there is a good wind out of the East. Hopefully we will not get rain today.

Labor Day on the Lake with the fleet

Sailing Along

After we came out of Fossil Bay we came along Richard and Peggy. Pretty good wind our of the East. Of course you can hear The Commander in the background giving advice.

A Reality Check for the Glenn Beck Crowd

The current recession is the result of an economic policy that favors the rich. Until the country faces the reality that income distribution is a major problem in this country we are in deep trouble. The New York Times has a must read article, Share the Prosperity. The article lays it out so even a Glenn Beck Hooplehead can understand the problem.

Pre - Owned

You have to love the inventiveness of the people who remake words. Cars used to be used cars, now they are previously owned. It used to be an estate tax, now it is the death tax. My favorite take on the term was Red Skelton. As Freddy the freeloader he had an old beat up sport coat. Opening the coat he could display rows of cigar butts and ask the question "Could I interest you in a previously owned cigar?". Recently this happened to Kadizzle. A sailing friend Dean said he had a cigar for Kadizzle. Kadizzle's heart was filled with joy until Dean explained it was previously owned. Dean pulled out a half smoked cigar of good quality and Kadizzle got to wonder what the first half was like.

Anger Management

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day,
And you just need to take it out on someone,
Don't take it out on someone you know,
Take it out on someone you don't know,
But you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
A phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying
'Hello..'

I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number
To call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed
The last two digits.

After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an asshole!'
And hung up.

I wrote his number down
With the word 'asshole' next to it,
And put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks,
When I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
Calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our
Caller ID Program?'

He yelled
'NO!'
And slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!'
And hung up.

One day I was at the store,
Getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW
Cut me off and pulled into the spot
I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled
That I'd been waiting for that spot,
But the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window,
So I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later,
Right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said,
'Yes, it is.'

I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax
It's a yellow ranch style house
And the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked,
'What's your name?'

He said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said,
'Yes?'

I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up,
And added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called asshole #1.

He said,
'Hello'

I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked,
'Are you still there?'

I said,
'Yeah!'

He screamed,
'Stop calling me'

I said,
'Make me.'

He asked,
'Who are you?'

I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said,
'Asshole, I live at 34 oak tree Blvd., in Fairfax ,
A yellow ranch style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
And hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said,
'Hello?'

I said,
'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said,
'You'll what?'

He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass'

I answered,
'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I was on my way over to 34 oak tree Blvd, in Fairfax , to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in oak tree Blvd in Fairfax .


I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .

I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

Usually Ignorance is a choice

Being ill informed is not a requirement for anyone, it is a choice. A second choice is where you get your information. The dumbing down of our country is scary. People want to believe some silly nonsense, then they can find someone like Rush Limbaugh to reinforce their fantasy. Today the New York Times has an excellent article "Building a Nation of Know Nothings".

Read the article and pass it along to some hard core right winger. See if they choose to remain ignorant.

The Long Slug back to North Dakota

Today we head back from Evergreen. About ten hours from now we will pull back into our driveway in the middle of nowhere ND. After so many years in North Dakota everywhere else is crowded. Today we will travel through some of the most unpopulated areas in the country, from the extreme urban pollution of Denver to the blank places in the Dakotas, Wyoming, and Northern Colorado.

Upon this Rock

About three hours of work went into moving a two ton rock yesterday. Kadizzle and Fran moved the rock about ten feet. This was done with the most ancient technology possible. A lever, and a fulcrum were the main tools. Because of a drainage problem at the mountain retreat in Evergreen the rock had to move.

Busy Day at the Recycling Center

North Dakota Hoopleheads

Here is a challenge for anyone. Kadizzle is gong to give you a state with a lot of coal and oil under the Western end. Now Kadizzle is going to give you two dollars for every dollar you send to the federal government. Next your state gets billions in farm subsidies, and of course that is your major income. Now your challenge is to avoid looking good. North Dakota Hoopleheads are being told their Republican leaders are genesis. North Dakota Republicans are beating their chest about how they have a surplus of money they have stolen from the blue states. A key to stealing the money was electing Democrats to Washington to whine about the poor farmers. So what do the Republicans want to do? Every redneck in North Dakota wants to send Republicans to Washington to just say No. The real Hooplehead logic is the failure to realize North Dakota has an aging population. North Dakota will be more and more dependent on federal handouts. Drop kick me Jesus through the goal post of life, don't let me waver to the left or the right.

Grandma caught a wild Monkey

There is speculation humans can catch things from monkeys, and it could also go the other way. You will note both grandma and the monkey she caught are infected with what is known as Einstein hair. This young monkey caught high in the Rockies has an incredible vocabulary for a 15 month old monkey. This monkey has mastered all the sounds needed to pronounce just about anything. However, the monkey cannot yet grasp the Grandma, Grandpa routine, consequently Sylvie the monkey has two Grandma's. One has a beard and a big belly.

Baby Sitting at 8500 feet

Sylvie was up at 5:30. Her engine was running and in no time the day is started. As a grand parent it is hard to understand how we ever made it through the task of being a parent. It is a big job and requires constant attention. Erin, and Fran both work from home, so someone has to distract Sylvie while they work. Erin is in New York, so that leaves the grandparents. Yesterday was a day of walks, splashing in the pool, and constant energy. Kadizzle cannot figure how ancient people or pioneers dealt with children. It seems to have been impossible to move a wagon train across the country with a bunch of little kids. How did Indians live in cliff dwellings with little children. How could anyone survive with two or three little kids tagging along. The people of old did not have strollers, diapers, baby bottles, cups that do not spill, and baby intercoms. One could easily understand how infant mortality could have been terrible. Add to everything else coping with childhood disease, and medical problems. How did they do it?

The Stagecoach Stop

Traveling from Hazen to Evergreen, Colorado chances are you are going to travel on two important old stage coach routes. One stage ran from Bismarck to Deadwood, and the other ran from Cheyenne to Deadwood. By chance Kadizzle stopped at a historic marker to empty his radiator. The marker gave a brief history of the Bismarck stage. That stagecoach could make the run from Bismark to Deadwood in 36 hours. It must have been a grueling trip. Later in the day as the Kadizzle adventure searched for a place to pitch a tent they had to go looking for Tom. The Kadizzles wanted to camp in the yard of an old school they found down a gravel road. Some fellows at the intersection said Tom was down at the old stage coach stop cutting the grass for the election on Tuesday. When we found Tom he said we could camp at the school house and gave us a brief history of the Cheyenne to Deadwood stage. His grandfather had been a driver on that road. This is the stage stop.

Bad Luck with Tires.

Nothing lets the air out of you life, like the air quickly coming out of the new tire you just bought. Kadizzle has become a specialist in sidewall catastrophes. The latest was today. After a terrible day yesterday where all our plans went afoul driving to Denver we ended up in a State Park in Wyoming. It was one of those days where is something could go wrong it did. Finally at nine we crawled in the tent and thought one terrible day was over, but no, some idiot ran a generator until 1 A.M. Kadizzle was going to confront the Dinger, but The Commander suggested he might get his ass whooped.

When the sun rose Kadizzle hoped for a better day. Prior to leaving the Kadizzles had prepared a special coffee kit so we could have fresh ground coffee brewed by the tent in the morning. One small problem, no matches. Steam came from Kadizzle long before it ever would come from the coffee. Simple solution, go get some matches. Kadizzle jumped in the car and headed out. Carefully looking, backing and going slowly to avoid rocks Kadizzle tried to drive out of the camping spot. It was not to be. A strange crashing sound with a boom signaled a flat tire. It was not a simple flat tire that could be patched, but a ruined sidewall. The rock Kadizzle hit had to be hit with such precision to cause this problem that it is unlikely the feat could be duplicated. So it looked like a new tire, but you don't just buy the tire to match the other in nowhere Wyoming. After driving thirty miles to Wheatland, we had to buy a temporary new tire in order to get to Erin's. Next we find the damaged tire is covered by a warranty, but the warranty is only honored in Bismarck, North Dakota. Never, never buy those silly road protection warranties unless you never intend to travel. Last winter we had to replace a tire on our truck when a nail went through the sidewall. The year before a shell casing went though a tire sidewall. The tire lasted two days until we got to Erin's when a drywall screw went though it. Kadizzle would guess we have spent over one thousand dollars in the last three years from damage to the sidewalls of our tires.

A Licenced Genius

Kadizzle once had a friend who was a licensed genius. Often we would get in an argument and he would explain to Kadizzle that he had a card in his wallet that proved he was a genius. Although Kadizzle graduated from college, and attended graduate school for two years Kadizzle has never become licensed as a genius, although Kadizzle probably is one. How do you become a licensed genius? It used to be you could get licensed through Readers Digest. If you suspected you might be a genius you could sign up for a test from Mensa. Mensa is an organization for geniuses. My good friend did not pass the genius test the first time he took it. You can study and take the test more than once if you are not a real fast genius. The nice thing is that it takes no educational qualifications to become a genius. My friend did not graduate from high school. The time and money he saved by getting certified saved him a fortune. No college expenses, no text books to buy, no countless hours wasted studying and reading. If Kadizzle had known he would have taken the test early. If you get in an argument with someone who is a certified genius and they pull out their card you are lost. No point in going any further. The first time it happened to Kadizzle he just shut up bowed his head and walked away. Being wrong is never pleasant, but having a certified genius tell you that you are wrong really puts you in your place. Kadizzle has learned not to argue with cerified geniuses. The best thing to do is tell them what you think and ask them if you could be right. Once you are certified you don't have to renew your certification. Imagine if two guys applied for a job. One had a doctorate degree from Harvard, and the other one was a certified genius from Readers Digest. Who would pass up the genius? Kadizzle recommends that if you think you might be a genius you take the test. You never know. The Commander says Kadizzle is a certified idiot. I think she can administer that test. The certification to be an idiot is not that hard. All the commander did was ask Kadizzle to do the dishes, and cut the grass. Kadizzle said he could not find the dish soap, and the mower was out of gas. The Commander said to Kadizzle "you are a certified idiot". Hopefully the card will come in the mail in a few days and Kadizzle can register as a Republican.

Hopeless politics

Last night Kadizzle attended a dinner honoring Dorgan. Dorgan seems like he just gave up. You could just see somehow that he felt the mess in the Capital is hopeless. Basically he is a good man fighting for the common people. As Kadizzle sat there bored to death with the typical political nonsense he recalled once when he called Dorgan. Cannot even remember what the call was about. Kadizzle expected to get some secretary in an office that would give him the brush off. Instead Dorgan took Kadizzles call in the hallway of the Senate. Dorgan spoke as long as he could and said he had to leave for a vote. Kadizzle has always been amazed in North Dakota that when you want to get hold of a person in government you can. Years ago Kadizzle had a problem with a car dealer in Bismarck. Kadizzle called the attorney general. The AG took the call said he would take care of the problem, and he did. Kadizzle was new to North Dakota and never thought such a thing was possible.

Sadly our government has been brought to a standstill by Republicans that can only say no. Like little stubborn children they just say no. To get elected all they have to do is play one of their magic cards, guns, gays, abortion, or god. If a brick took the Republican stand on guns, gays, god, and abortion the brick could win office forever in North Dakota. Currently we have enough bricks in North Dakota to build a wall that will stop progress forever. Dorgan is right to feel hopeless.

Chaos in the Universe

Disorder drives some people nuts, Lord Kadizzle has a high tolerance for disorder. On the other hand The Commander demands things pretty orderly. Thinking about this Kadizzle remembered an old song he once heard. The exact words to the song will not come back, but the jest of the story was something like this. A neighbor lady came over to another woman who was in her yard and complained about the fact that the woman's husband was out in the yard every day acting like a chicken. The neighbor asked the old hill billy woman if it bothered her that every day her husband walked around in the yard flapped his arms like a chicken and cackled. The old hill billy lady said "No it don't bother me, and besides we can use the eggs". Life is what you make it. Look on the bright side.

God loved the Chiggers

Mark Twain was probably one of the best writers that ever lived. He hated flies. One book he wrote that never was published in his life time was "Letters from the Earth". Mark Twain was not religious in fact he was very anti religious. In order to sell his works his family tried to cloak this as best they could. In "Letters from the Earth" Twain had a lot of fun at the Bible's expense. One very entertaining story he wrote was about how Noah had to get everything on the arch. After Noah had been at sea for six weeks Noah realized he had no flies. Noah had to turn the ship around and get two flies. Twain was always infuriated with flies and could not understand why Noah brought them. Lately Kadizzle and other sailors have been the victims of chiggers. These little bugs are common to the south, but with global warming now seem to be making good homes in North Dakota. If you ever had them you know they are worse than flies. Like Mark Twain Kadizzle wonders what Noah was thinking when he herded two chiggers up the gang plank. Did Noah have any clue what he was doing. This is a picture of one of his crew members after they were bitten by the chiggers.

Kadizzle Threatened with death

As usual The Commander woke up like a nuclear power plant coming online. She said things were going to happen fast. It was going to be a hot day and The Commander wante the grass cut while it was cool. Kadizzle was disqualified for cutting the grass this year. Apparently his methods were lacking. However, Kadizzle is the clipping boy, and is allowed to refill the mower with gas. Things were looking good. Kadizzle went to the gas station got gas as instructed, did the dishes as instructed, placed the wheelbarrow in the proper position as instructed, put the pickup truck in the loading position as instructed. Things were going good until Kadizzle went to get the mail. Kadizzle got caught in a little BS session at City Hall. Sure enough his cell phone rang and the jig was up. In a furious voice The Commander informed Kadizzle the death penalty would be applied if he did not get home forthwith and empty the grass clippings from the wheelbarrow into the pickup. To cover his posterior when he got home Kadizzle made The Commander a nice glass of ice water. Apparently there will be a court marshall hearing later today. Hopefully Kadizzle can throw himself on the mercy of the court. According to The Commander death by stabbing is the normal punishment for failure to empty the wheelbarrow as scheduled. Hopefully it will be a long knife, if she uses the pearing knife it may take multiple blows to go through all this fat. To appease The Commander Kadizzle has purchased a new mower shown above.

The Fox is in the Hen House

Captain Kit runs the marina where poor old Kadizzle has to get the sewage pumped out of his boat. Lately Captain Kit has not been taking his medication as required. He fired the nice kid that worked at the dock and has been in a foul mood. Kadizzle and Kit have been in a kerfuffle over one of Kadizzles rants to the Bismarck Tribune. The mean old Captain has made it clear that Kadizzle's droppings are no longer welcome at his sewage pump. Last week Kadizzle let it be known among the fleet that the code phrase to indicate Kit is working the docks is "The Fox is in the Hen house". If a reasonable person is working the docks one should announce on the radio " The Chickens are laying eggs". Last week as luck would have it Kadizzle was first to the pump out station and announced "The Chickens are laying eggs". The Fox was in the Hen House yesterday, and things did not look good. As Kadizzle pulled in to get his sewage pumped a storm was brewing in the southeast. On the dock a storm was brewing between Kit's ears. The mere site of Kadizzle's ship was driving him wild. Kadizzle circled the good ship Sovereign in front of the docks while a power boat struggled to take on fuel. When it looked as if Kadizzle could leave Kit the best of all possible shipments, Kit emerged from the Hen house with a face bright red with anger and yelled to the Sovereign " The pump is broken, I can't pump you out". What a terrible stroke of luck for Kadizzle. The good ship "Gone with the Wind " had just pumped out, but mechanical devils struck. This luck has hit Kadizzle before. Kit has a pump unlike any most people have encountered. The pump heals itself. After Kadizzle leaves it is not unusual for the pump to heal and then next ship gets pumped out. Kadizzle has a hand pump that would allow him to pump the sewage into buckets. Captain Kadizzle thought about pumping the sewage into buckets and leaving it on Kit's dock. It would be fun to say to Kit "I'll just leave my sewage here, when you get the pump fixed pump it out, and I'll come back for the buckets". Of course on leaving it would be nice to flip him a fifty cent piece.

Sovereign successfully attacked several ships.

Sailing is certainly easier than cleaning the boat. After several harsh hours obeying The Commander as the boat was cleaned it was time to have some fun. As we cleaned the boat Jayden watched, questioned, and commented. Jayden is the grandson visiting his grandparents on the neighboring houseboat. Jayden has sailed with us before, and he began to hint it would be nice to go out for a sail. The wind was just right and it did not take a lot to push Kadizzle over the edge. Over the protest of The Commander Lord Kadizzle unleashed the good ship and we took off in search of treasure. Out in the big water we spotted two ships. One looked heavily laden with goods. Our maneuvers were ill considered and poorly timed and the the ship managed to make the Evil Capetian Kits port before we could unleash our cannons. However, the swashbuckling Jayden soon spotted a smaller prize. Jayden had been in the crows nest looking for booty when he spotted the other ship. The cannons were readied on the starboard side. Kadizzle had instructed Jayden to act friendly so as not to give away our evil intent. As the other ship neared Jayden waved and smiled. It worked the cannons were fired and the ship slowly sunk as we unloaded the booty. In retrospect now Kadizzle recalls how this adventure started. Jayden was playing with the winches on the boat. Kadizzle tried to explain to him how they worked, but realized it would be easier to show him under sail. Jayden picked it up pretty quickly once underway. More young people need to study the profession of piracy first hand, and spend less time in front of the computer. With piracy becoming more popular these days off the northwest coast of Africa it could be a good career.

The Lord Works in Strange Ways

Surely the Lord does work in strange ways. It took Lord Kadizzle three years with the help of many to build the Pocket Park on Main Street in Hazen. Tonight a local family gave an excellent musical performance there which was mainly Christian music. The crowd was overflowing into the ally and it brought great joy to Lord Kadizzle's heart to see the park so well used. Listening to the wonderful performance Kadizzle could not but wonder about the mischievousness of the Lord. At best Kadizzle is an agnostic, and at worst an orthodox atheist. Never would Kadizzle have dreamed he would build the biggest Christian music venue in Hazen. It is a dream come true to see so many people enjoy a summer evening in what was once an abandoned lot with weeds knee high. When I die I am sure someone will have my fat rendered into bio diesel for a church bus. Kadizzle will get to heaven even if it is through an exhaust pipe.

The Same Story

It would be nice if Kadizzle was not as guilty as everyone else, but the same stories get told over and over. As we get older the nice thing is we all lose our memories. So if we are lucky we forgot the last time Willy told us about the time he caught a fish that had swallowed a cigarette lighter and when he cut it open the lighter was still burning. Usually the lapse between when you tell the same person the same story is a couple of months or a year, but when you reach a certain age you may only be able to go an hour or two. Wives are the ones who really suffer in this story game. The poor commander has heard Kadizzles stories so many times she often puts a halt to them right out of the gate. This saves someone the tragedy of hearing the whole mess over. People tell stories because our society does not like issues of substance to be debated in public. If you take religion and politics off the table there is not much left but to tell the same stories over and over. People can talk about books, movies, or sports, but this can be hard on the illiterate like Kadizzle. One technique Kadizzle has adopted as a listener to a repeat tale is to see how well the current version matches last years. If you listen closely the location often changes and so do many of the key details. So you are not always listening to the same story, but often a new and improved version. The most fun is to listen to a story when you were one of the characters. Since you were there you have your own version of what happened. The fun part is comparing your reality with the story tellers reality. So if you are bored hearing the same story over test your memory while you listen to how Uncle Willy had an old dog that could sing.

Fight the Rats and save hundreds of dollars

For over an hour Kadizzle fought on the phone today against the health care rats at Blue Cross and finally won. Blue Cross refused to pay for a prescription because it was not prior approved. The prescription was for an emergency. Finally one of the dunderheads higher up the food chain at Blue Cross realized you cannot prior approve an emergency. One thing Kadizzle has realized in life is that when you deal with corporate American you have to just keep going up the food chain until you reach someone who can make an intelligent decision. Kadizzle has done this hundreds of times. The medical system in the United States is terrible and the most overpriced in the world. You will not understand this until you have to pay for it. I can get Benicar in Canada for $98. In Hazen it is $235. I hate Blue Cross, The crooked American drug companies and the right wing Hoopleheads that made sure we did not have the same health care most advanced countries do. For lack of health insurance my daughter just paid thousands for medications that would have been covered in any advanced country but this one. My daughter is not a welfare cheat. She works hard and has been trying to start her own business. In the United States we bankrupt young people so the rich don't have to pay taxes. It is wonderful. Drill baby drill.

Bear Den Bay on the Week Long Sail

Lake Sakakawea has to be the best sailing in the country.

The Good Ship Returns

After a ten day search we never found the Northwest passage, but we had fun trying.

"I said Hello God Damn it".

My old neighbor who recently passed away used to have little patience for the sour old goats that roam the streets of Hazen. Once Pat told me about how he said "Good morning" to one of the old goats, and the goat just ignored him. Pat said loudly to the old sour goat "I said Hellow god damn it". This morning Kadizzle got up early to go to the grocery store. One cashier there is always as sour and unfriendly as can be. When the old hag came over to unlock the door she was devoid of any kind of humanity. She had a scoul on her face like she regretted the sun coming up. Kadizzle thought of his old buddy Pat and could barely hold back the " I said Hello God Damn it" quote.

Sailing West to Seek Riches

Later today tall ships will depart one at a time to head west. Seeking adventure and riches the sailboats will search out new lands. For a week members of the fleet have been stocking the ships with wine, cheese, and all the other essentials for a long journey. For ten days six to ten boats will make their way west into a barely inhabited land of the Mandan, Hidatsa, and other tribes. Tonight the fleet will gather in Birthold Bay. The lake is so high the sacred fire pit is almost underwater. Around the fire offerings will be made to the gods of wind and rain for a safe journey. Rumor is the west holds vast quantities of riches. Since oil has been discovered in the Baken Shale formation on the far western end of the lake people have been seeking a sea route to Williston. There could be a Northwest Passage. The Indians along the route have devised a clever new way to defeat the white man coming by water. At Newtown the tribes have a trap. When the white man stops for supplies he will be lured into a casino. At the casino he will be plied with drink. This is a trick the Indians have reversed on the unsuspecting whites. Once the sailors are lubricated it is a simple matter to empty their pockets with the electronic thieves. These are the same Indians that confused Columbus they know what they are doing.

The Missouri River splits into the Little Missouri. No doubt the fleet will get confused and take the wrong branch. With the high water ships can sail for two days down the Little Missouri. Not a soul can be seen down that vast canyon. The fleet will have to rely on rudimentary instruments of navigation such as GPS, Laptop computers, and Cell phones. Always knowing were they are withing three feet and with complete maps of the bottom of the lake navigation will be difficult and treacherous. Like Columbus the fleet will be threatened with weather. Radar weather broadcast onto cell phones will only give them a marginal seven day advance notice of what the wind gods will do. The fleet will only be able to see storms sixty miles away. It will be easy to see what early explorers were up against.

Facing the loneliness of the long voyage sailors will be forced to watch a flat screen TV on rainy nights deep in the heart of Indian country. It will be a long difficult journey. If the ice gives out and the beer gets warm no doubt many will parish. If we make it back we can spread the news of the riches of the far west where wealth is pumped from the ground, where black gold has replaced yellow gold, and the land is overrun with those seeking riches.

Act Like Nothings Wrong

If you have not tried the internet music service Pandora, you should. It is free. Pandora allows you to pick the kind of music you like. Once you tell it a song you like it figures out what else you will like. Kadizzle found a song called "Act like nothing's wrong". The lyrics to the song are wonderful. There is some truth in the saying. Growing up as a kid Kadizzle became a good pool player because his grandfather had a nice old fashioned pool table in his attic. The pool balls started to get some wear and needed to be replaced. One day Kadizzle was in downtown Wheeling, West Virginia with one of the local hooligans. In a furniture store that happened to sell pool balls, and pool tables the kid decided to acquire a new set of pool balls for my grandfathers pool table. This was not going to be a cash transaction. The junior psychopath stuffed the box containing the pool balls under his jacket and proceeded to walk out the front door of the store. Kadizzle was unaware that nut case had undertaken this venture and was amazed when pool balls started dropping out of his jacket as he left the store. The pool balls rolled in every direction. Kadizzle stood in shocked amazement as this drama unfolded. Smitty casually started to walk around and pick up the pool balls. A store clerk saw what had happened and came over and helped Smitty pick up the pool balls and put them back in the box. It never occurred to the clerk that psycho had stolen the pool balls. After the balls were repackaged Smitty thanked the clerk and walked out the door with the package of pool balls in plain site. The moral of the story is "Act like nothing's wrong".

The Staff at the Mental Instituition

As most of you know poor old Lord Kadizzle has been confined to a mental health facility at the end of 7th Street in Hazen. The chances for recovery from terminal laziness are slim. It may be part of the treatment program, but all of the staff at Lazy Acres home for the Terminally Lazy is hyperactive. Perhaps the theory is that it will wear off. Do they come by it naturally or are they getting into the stimulants? All of the staff are bossy. The Commander is constantly barking out orders. Rumor among the inmates is that The Commander was once a Marine Drill Instructor. Jasper Little Bottom is not much better. Of course Shavanda is also curt and to the point. Winky is probably the nicest. Winky will sometimes ask nicely. Let me give you an example of this gang. If poor old Kadizzle gets up to go out the door Jasper Littlebottom in her calf high gardening boots will yell "Close the door!". Jasper will yell this before you have even half way opened the door. Shavanda will always ask you "What are you doing?". If Shavanda sees you taking a glass out of the cabinet she will quickly yell "What are you doing?". Most people would assume you were going to get a glass of water. Time at the nursing home runs at the speed of light. If all of a sudden the music comes up at a loud volume on the computer, Shavanda will yell "Turn that down", as if you did not notice the music was shaking the house. When they programed the staff at the nursing home they set the clock speed way to high. The Commander thinks you can walk form the bedroom and by the time you get to the kitchen the water for coffee will be boiling. Everything happens quickly in the world of Jasper Littlebottom. Ice melts at twice the speed it does anywhere else. Things in the world of the staff warm up and cool down much quicker than anywhere else on Earth. Disease is also rampant in the facility. If you ever touch a chicken Shavanda will make you wash your hands withing seconds. One nice thing about Jasper Littlebottom when she is on duty is that Jasper thinks she is the grounds keeper. This means that Jasper will spend hours fighting the weeds and talking to the green beans. However, when Jasper needs help out in the crops, you better be there quick. The way Jasper will order a glass of water, you would think it was the snappy Old Commander. Shavanda loves to burn your eyes out. You know how nice it is to just about be asleep and headed toward dream land. Shavanda somehow knows when you are close to this state. Shavanda first turns on the hall light, then she pops open the bedroom door and quickly turns on every light in the room. Your eyes pop out of your head, and what was a nice rest turns into a nuclear light show. This is the health facilities version of shock treatment. Got to go now. Jasper is out spraying weeds if Jasper comes in and finds Kadizzle has not done the dishes all hell will break loose, and Kadizzle will be reported to The Commander. This could result in an attack from Shavanda when nap time comes this afternoon.

End Turning, and Colored Underwear

The Kadizzles had a wonderful meal with our camping buddies last night. Ruth mentioned that they learned a few tips from the Kadizzles. One was using colored underwear for the men. Colored underwear stays cleaner longer, or at least it seems like it. Now the real secret with good underwear management is end turning. Kadizzle used to be an old surface coal miner. On the draglines that uncovered the coal you had to get the maximum use out of the cables that manipulated the bucket. To do so you periodically took the cables off and turned them around. It was like rotating tires on a car. With underwear the rotation is like this for maximum wear. You have four good days if you play your cards right. First rotation is inside out, and the second is front to back. Best only to use these procedures during a severe underwear shortage. Do not attempt this while dating. Stay tuned for more camping tips.

Jasper Littlebottom and the Rabbit wars

Yesterday Lord Kadizzle made the trek to the nursery in Beulah. There our coffers were emptied to pay for more plants. Jasper Littlebottom has the yard looking in a glorious state. However, Lord Kadizzle has had to move the date of his death up considerably because paying for the plants has depleted our retirement fund. The other day Jasper, A.K.A. Elmer Fudd borrowed the neighbors BB gun and went after the rabbit gang in our garden. Kadizzle found it cruel that Jasper would shoot a poor little rabbit in the head with a BB gun. The gun merely stunned the rabbit, and Jasper bonked him to death. It made Kadizzle realize what could happen if Kadizzle did not do the dishes.

This morning Jasper came in holding a flower from one of the expensive plants we bought yesterday. Bugs Bunny had chewed the stem and just let the luxurious flower drop to the ground. Kadizzle has changed his view on rabbits. Now they will be subjected to drone strikes, and surges, until these garden terrorist are wiped out. The Kadizzle clan will be searching the internet for rabbit recipes. If we find their stonghold we may have to invade a foreign yard to wipe out this threat to our well being. Hopefully the neighbors will not mind if we set their yard on fire to kill the rabbits. They should be able to understand our situation.

May Day, May Day

The other day Lord Kadizzle thought he would have to call the May Day alert on the good ship Sovereign. As the ship charged into the bay under a strong wind the Kadizzle's phone rang. Ruth said the boat Kadizzle had just passed had the captain fall overboard. Roger must have been at their cabin watching with his binoculars. The Sovereign spun about and headed back to Rocky's boat. As we approached Kadizzle thought it might be best to call some other boats if someone was in peril. After a minute or so it looked as though Rocky was at the helm of the boat. Kadizzle decided to get closer before he made a distress call on the VHF radio. When the good ship got along side Rocky it turned out the exercise was all about a dog that had fallen overboard. Apparently Rocky was leaning way over the side when Rodger saw him from the shore. His wife was holding his legs as he went for the dog. From Rodgers perspective it appeared worse than it was. All is well that ends well.

Summer is flying by

The good ship is in tip top shape with a new stove, and fancy new drawers, but getting out for an overnight sail has seemed impossible. With Erin and her family home the Kadizzles have been busy playing the grandparent game. Today they go back to the mountains and life will settle down.

Scottish Purple Bumble Bee

Sailing the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Most of the best people Lord Kadizzle ever met were sailors. A lot of people perceive sailors as people with money getting blown around at their leisure on massive yachts. The reality with most of the sailors Kadizzle has known is different, people with a passion struggling to make payments for what they enjoy. When you sail with people you get to know every aspect of them. You learn what they do in a crises, you learn how they relax, you learn every story they know. You cannot sail with another couple and not soon know how they relate. Every couple has their own style. Although the men may play the role, you soon find the real captain usually is the one with less testosterone. The women decide when the spinnaker goes up, the boat goes out, and if there will be any dinner.

In all the years Kadizzle has sailed he can honestly say he only met one sailor that never became a good friend. Kadizzle started his career as an underground coal miner. One of the first things you learned in coal mining was to get along. You never knew who the person would be that would save your ass when the chips were down. Sailing is the same way. When the day comes you are sinking, do you want to call your worst enemy to come back and save you? So sailing is about friendships, and friendships are about forgiveness. If you can excuse me for puking on your boat and telling the same story ten times, maybe I can forget how you rammed my new paint job and put a six foot scratch on the side of the boat. Usually it all works out, and there is nothing a campfire and a glass of wine cannot solve. Everyone does things they wish they had not. Everyone says things they wish they had not.

There is no perfect couple. No matter how hard you try, someday every sailor is going to blow up and say to his loved one " you blanking idiot, what in the hell are you doing", or some other quaint phrase of love. We are all human, and fools to think we can overcome it. Sailors that curse and vent are still sailing. The ones that bottled it all up exploded long ago.

One song Kadizzle always liked has the verse "Life is like a merry go round, sometimes your up and sometimes your down". Sailing mimics life. Sometimes the wind is perfect, sometimes there is no wind, and sometimes the wind will knock your socks off. A merry go round that did not go up and down would not be much fun.

Kadizzle's Hill Billy heritage

CLICK ON TO ENLARGE

Gardner Extrodinair Jasper Littelbottom

Who You Can Meet Sailing

Ruth sent us this picture of a rattle snake killed on Lake Sakakawea. Click on this picture to enlarge it. It looks like the biggest rattle snake ever seen. I would be more worried about it eating you than the venom.

God doesn't like nicknames

Lord Kadizzle is terrible for giving people nicknames. Today a cute little Jehovah's Witness girl showed up in my driveway. Being the terrible sinner I am she got the Kadizzle religion lecture. One thing that has struck Kadizzle as strange are some of the silly rules God has. The little lady told me you must call God by his correct name. She was amazed when I told her I knew it was Yahweh. God is just his nickname according to the Jehovah's gang. If you don't get it right, you don't get in. This was part of my lecture. Kadizzle cannot tolerate a petty God, Yahweh or whatever. It seems very contrite to send someone to hell because they call you by your nick name. People often call me Quinn, as if it were my first name. I don't mind a bit, but I would surely not say "You will go to hell for that". So if you do get to heaven be sure to say "Hello Yahweh". Now, it just occurred to me why the guy I saw in the parking lot in Page Arizona was so mad at me. He was dressed like Jesus, and for all intents and purposes that is who he looked like since he even had a beard. I said to him "How is every thing going today Jesus". He was pissed and just scowled at me. Now, if I had called him Yahweh he probably would have said "Fine my son, and welcome to Page Arizona, this is a close to heave as you will ever get".

Farting Through Silk

Lord Kadizzle had the good fortune to go to High School with some nice black kids. One expression Author Little taught Kadizzle was "Farting through silk". Apparently the black kids put a premium on a good pair of silk underwear. Today the underwear drawer gave out. The last pair was as near to silk as Kadizzle will ever get. My hunting buddy Spindly Riddle accidentally left a pair of premium undies on a hunting trip. Spindly ran a very high class clothing store, and of course catered to those who could afford to fart through silk. So tonight if the winds are favorable his Lordship will be enjoying a pleasure confined to a few.

No wind to power the boat but plenty for this

''
The old saying is "God works in strange ways". On the way back from Heaven Bay we had very little wind to power the boat, but up above us the wind was being used.

Summer Sailstice

Sailboats all over the United States will be gathering tonight to celebrate Summer Sailstice. As the Earth leans as far to the south as it can, the boats will gather for a good time at Berthold Bay. Around the campfire songs will be sung, glasses will be emptied, and sailors will tell the same lies over and over. In the morning people will slowly crawl out of the ships moored side by side and greet the day. Pancakes will be flipped, coffee will be brewed, and another day of sailing will begin. Perhaps the fleet will go on to Heaven bay. Maybe someone will greet the first rattlesnake of the season. The lake is as high as it has been in many years. The boats can get back into secret places they have not been in a long time. The sailing will be good, and so will the company.

Garage Sale, or Garbage Sale?

Tax Bullshit

Remember the old days when a mother could stay home and raise kids if she wanted to? What happened? A man named Ronald Reagan thought the rich should not be taxed. The gipper got underway the current mess where the rich no longer pay their share of taxes. Reagan called it trickle down. He should have called it "Piss on the poor". From 1954 until 1978 the middle class got the biggest share of the pie they ever did in our country. Since the Republican pigs quit taxing the rich this has all changed. Now the rich get more of the national wealth than they ever have. The top one percent of our earners get 17% of the take. Real wages for working people have gone backwards. Most people don't take the time to find out what happened. Instead they prefer to listen to some propaganda machine like Fox News. For all the bitching you would think taxes have gone up. People are now paying the lowest tax rate since 1950. The biggest beneficiaries are the rich. George Bush had the first war in history where the rich got tax breaks. Click on this sentence and read the article that appears to see what really happened, or just continue to live in right wing fantasy land. Real wages for working people have gone backwards, meanwhile the pay for CEO's has gone from 147 times what a line worker makes to 500 times what a line worker gets. The taxes on the CEO have gone down, and the tax on the working person up, but that is not the picture the right wing paints.

Praise the Lord, Thank You Jeeeeesus

Lord Kadizzle's aspiring fashion designer called yesterday with good news. Megan has been struggling with her business for a long time. Starting a business in a downturn is tough. However, her work did not go unnoticed. Urban Outfitters was courting her, but did not act quick enough. Yesterday Macy's offered Megan a job assisting a designer that will create a new line of clothing for them. Megan and her boss will be the team that gets it done. For Kadizzle the economic security, and health care will be a blessing for Megan, and a burden off the Kadizzle treasury. With the job situation in this country in the worst mess since the depression finding any job is a miracle. Everyone go to Macy's and buy baby buy. Lord Kadizzle posses above in an outfit Megan designed just for him.

More Medical Adventures.

Kadizzle is turning old and falling apart quickly. After the recent episode with the gleet, Kadizzle thought life would be good for awhile. Wrong. Yesterday Kadizzle was convinced a tooth demon had infested one of his molars. The pain was unbearable so a trip to the dentist was in order. It looked like a root canal was staring the carcass in the face. The dentist could find nothing wrong, and suggested it might be a sinus problem. Awakening to unbearable pain his lordship had to get a CAT Scan. It turned out to be acute sinus infection. Kadizzle never thought the sinus could rival the old gleet for pain, but the sinus won. A needle jabbed in Kadizzles ass with some antibiotic did miracles. Now things are looking up and perhaps this body can survive a pain free weekend of sailing.

The Nature of the Universe

The Commander demanded that the alcohol stove be replaced on the boat. So Kadizzle set out to do it, thinking it was a simple inexpensive matter. Installing propane safely on a sailboat is neither simple, nor inexpensive. Now, hundreds of dollars later, with completion no where in sight, Kadizzle realizes installing the stove correctly may be impossible without major modification to the boat. To correctly install propane on a boat the propane cylinder must be in a container. The container must be air tight, and drain by gravity to outside atmosphere. This is where the dilemma starts. It turns out there is no where on the boat to store the propane tank high enough. In order to create such a propane locker a major fiberglass boat rebuilding would be necessary. As somewhat of an alternative Kadizzle has ordered a Propane detector. Hopefully shortly before the explosion there will be an alarm sound. The alarm will give all on board a chance to repent and exchange final words. This all proves Kadizzles theory involving the law of entanglement. Things will naturally turn out in a manner you did not expect. If you want to see how the law of entanglement works, take three pieces of anything like twine, rope, or extension cord and drop them in a bucket or drawer. Without human intervention they will come out hopelessly entangled. The law of entanglement dictates that anything that can turn out wrong generally will. Nature has taken advantage of this law. Seed pods are the classic case. Many seeds are spread by seed pods that get caught on everything. Everyone has come home from a hike in the fall full of burrs, or had it happen to the dog. It works flawlessly.

Simple mindedness permeats our little town.

As Kadizzle wrote about earlier fighting over what time it is in our little neck of the world is a major issue. Half the people here work on central time and half the people work on Mountain time. Total nonsense. Today an old goat told me about the woman who reported that her neighbor got up and it was dark. The woman was complaining that this could happen to anyone. Apparently the complaining woman lives on mountain time. According to the old lady her neighbor lives on Central Time. The neighbor got up to feed his cattle and it was dark outside. This tragedy could have been prevented if the neighbor had been living on Mountain Time. Another close call occurred further west. The Town of Dickinson was considering switching to Central Time. A local radio station was discussing the issue when they received a call from an old lady practically crying. The old lady said " We are in a drought, the crops are burning up, and you want to add another hour of daylight?". Sometimes Kadizzle wonders how Glenn Beck and Rush can fool anyone, but all you have to do is turn on the radio here and find out.

That's Just what you do.

Yesterday old Kadizzle went to a meeting with the local Democrats to see if we could elect someone with a pulse in our area. Unfortunately Kadizzle lives in the land of Guns, Gays, and God. The people here don't care if anything ever goes forward. You just vote for the same people over and over. Not because they do anything, not because they have a brain, but because that is just what you do. Currently our district is represented by the same brain dead, do nothing people that just say they are members of the NRA, they love Jesus, and hate gays. What a wonderfully simple way to live. So nothing ever happens here we just get the same old, same old.

A sinking feeling on the good ship

Yesterday the good ship Sovereign went in the water. After working hard all day Kadizzle finally sat down to rest in the boat. The sound of trickling water was coming from somewhere. At first it seemed like the normal sound of waves hitting the boat at dock, but something was not right. Kadizzle got up and quickly noticed water was up to one part of the floor. A quick look in the engine compartment revealed the boat was sinking. The fresh water strainer for the wash down hose had frozen and broken over the winter. After shutting of the through hull everything was under control. The bilge pump did the rest and back to nap time. However, had Kadizzle been caught away from the boat for a little bullshit session, it may have turned out different. The saving grace where our boat is docked is the water level. Under the keel is usually only six inches to a foot of water, so the boat can only sink about a foot or so. Good design for an idiot proof slip.