How to Fart in Public

This is the way it works.  When you get up in the morning there are two things you need to do, have some coffee and get up to date.  Ideally you get the coffee water going as soon as you can, but you might want to stay in bed and get up to date.  Getting up to date means you have to reach over the side of the bed and get the laptop.  On the laptop you first check the Bismarck Tribune to see if the right wing dingers that run North Dakota are out of control. Some religious nut may have written a letter to the editor explaining how God wants us to waste everything.  Next is the New York Times, you cannot be in the real world unless you read the NYT.  Paul Krugman will always tell you the real story on what the Fox News gang is up to.  If you are desperate you can fire on CNN.  NPR is always good.

Now in the update are two fun sites.  Fist is Lifehacker, and then Instructables.  Today Lifehacker had the article about how to fart in public.  It is real advice and includes a video on how to fart in your yoga class. If you need a couple of good laughs and the knowledge of the crop dusting technique you better go to Lifehacker and get up to date.  There are rules to the legal aspects of farting that everyone needs to know.

Your prostate is right here

The southern buzz cacklers are coming on Tuesday.  I love a good southern accent, and my buddy Riddle has it down perfect. Riddle is coming for what he says is his last great pheasant hunt. Maybe I can frame him and get him in trouble for killing Cecil the Pheasant.  You remember the great controversy when Cecil the lion was shot by the dentist.  I have the perfect plan.  There is a giant two story tall pheasant on the enchanted highway.  I can claim Riddle shot it.  That should go viral.

Now back to the real story.  With the buzz cacklers coming Kadizzle needs a place to take them to hunt.  A couple months back when Kadizzle was in the doctors office for his prostate problems The Commander and Kadizzle sat in one of those little cubicles where the doctor examines your exhaust pipe with his finger.  The nurse came in to do the regular blood pressure and so on.  Kadizzle was in a bad state of mind because he was going to soon be starting radiation treatment.  When people asked old Kadizzle he would respond in public " It looks like I might have to get my nuts fried".  This response upset The Commander.  Both The Commander and Kadizzle knew the prostate was in a different neighborhood than the testicles, but the idea of cooking in that community with radiation did not sit well with Kadizzle.

So when Bonnie the nurse got done examining Kadizzzle, The Commander said would you tell my husband to quit saying " I am going to get my nuts fried".  Bonnie was a good natured  nurse and it was clear she had a good sense of humor.  Bonnie put on her drill sargent voice, and picked up a pointing stick.  On the wall was a blow up of the male anatomy that focused on the reproductive parts. Bonnie banged on the testicles and shouted these are your testicles. Next Bonnie banged on the prostate and declared it to be the prostate.  "Now, you idiot you can see they are a long way apart".  It struck Kadizzle that if he did not behave and quit talking incorrectly Bonnie might be banging that stick on his real testicles.

Well after all that was over we got to talking about pheasant hunting, and Bonnie graciously agreed to let her hunt at her place. So yesterday Kadizzle had to call her an let her know we would be coming. To make sure Bonnie remembered Kadizzle he refreshed her memory on the lesson she had given him about navigating in his underwear. 

Reminds me of my safari to Africa

W. C. Fields is hard to beat. I needed a quote, and was looking for one from W.C. Fields when I came across this one. " Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.".  W. C. Fields was one of the best drunks ever.  Another qoute of his goes something like " Some scoundrel stole the cork to my lunch".

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Oliver! - You've Got To Pick A Pocket Or two a preview of the Republican Convention

Billy Joe Shaver - When The Fallen Angels Fly.wmv

A dollar's worth of shut up

Honest feedback sometimes can be a rare commodity.  A few years back Kadizzle was rambling on with a political rant at a local coffee group.  Getting near the end of the rant Kadizzle said to the group " For 25 cents I will keep talking, and for 50 cents I will shut up".  A wise old friend said, " Give me a dollar's worth of shut up.

Kadizzle has noticed the friends he likes most are those that shoot straight, and don't sugar coat reality. When someone helps you build a delusion they are doing you no favor.  Many years ago my father came back from an auction proud as punch with the bargains he got.  As he showed the old saddles, harnesses, and other horse crap to an old farmer he said, "Well what do you think it is worth?".   The shrewd old sod buster told him, " Well, if you ask me, it's not worth the match it would take to burn it".

Last night old Shanika called me as he waited for his luggage at the Bismarck airport.  Shanika periodically reads this blog. Shanika gave some good honest feedback, and asked Kadizzle to remove a story.  Kadizzle did as Shanika asked.  When all was said and done Kadizzle had a better grasp of reality.

What happens when you are surrounded by people who help you with your delusion?  Go to some fundamentalist church, or maybe a lynching. When people reinforce each others insanity it ultimately leads to a disaster. There is no better example of this than Nazi Germany.  Imagine a country full of delusional people.

So when someone tells Kadizzle his breath smells, or his zipper is down, or his brain has gone too far in the wrong direction, that person has done a service.  The person who tells you what you want to hear can be your worst enemy.

Yesterday poor old Hillary Clinton endured 11 hours of right wing insanity.  Today even the hard core Republicans admit the loser was the Republican Party.  The simple minded fools who meant to fry Hillary all came across as what they were.  How did they get in this mess.  It was the closed loop syndrome.  It was a bunch of people who had no good feedback.

Kadizzle grew up in union country.  In the Ohio Valley where Kadizzle was born there was a lot of union history.  Unions have done a lot of good, and they certainly have gone off the deep end in a few instances.  In the end Kadizzle has concluded unions are a good thing, and can actually be good for companies.  One thing Kadizzle found in his career is that unions gave good feedback.  When Kadizzle worked in the coal industry one thing you could count on was a real opinion from the union about any member of management.  With union protection the flamers in management would, could, and were confronted.  The union kept the egos of management from exploding.  A union member was free to speak up because he was protected.  Think about the role of criticism.  What does a coach do? A coach criticizes your performance and makes suggestions.  Is that a bad thing?

So what is the moral of this story?  The next time someone comes to you and puts you in your place, don't get angry, just say " Thanks, I needed that".

The Commander buys Kadizzle a six pack, and The Preachers daughter

At the morning briefing as The Commander surfed the Amazon site she announced she was buying Kadizzle a six pack. It sounded great until she said it was a six pack of underwear.  Although the underwear drawer is full to the point of running over,  the quality is bad.  Too many of the undergarments are burnt out, and the elastic is failing.  So soon the family jewels will have a new comfortable home.

On a rainy day sitting in the engine room on the computer Kadizzle is listing to the musical Oliver.  A thousand years ago Kadizzle remembers listening to this with one of his first real girl friends in her basement. Her dad was a preacher, but a nice guy.

A classic song from Oliver is "You got to pick a pocket or two".   It so much sounds like the perfect song for the political season.

Back to the preachers daughter.  As time progressed Kadizzle went off to college, and the preacher, and his daughter moved to Weston, West Virginia.

The preachers daughter made a big mistake.  She invited accidentally somehow two boyfriends to visit her at the same time.  This meant she had to make up her mind.  Remember the old song " It ain't often easy, it ain't often kind, but sometimes you have to make up your mind. "  Luckily Kadizzle turned out to be the chosen one.  The dilemma was what to do with the other guy.  Soon that problem was solved. The parents would take him with them to an auction. Meanwhile Kadizzle was going to take the daughter to the drive in movie or somewhere.  The parents left with the other suitor.  With some time to spare Kadizzle thought it best to engage in some serious passion on the couch with the preachers daughter.

This was a dangerous couch.  At the end of the couch was a door.  As things were heating up with the daughter the door popped open at the end of the couch and the preacher appeared. He had forgotten something.  The preacher declared "What in the hell", as he observed his daughter jump up and run somewhere.  As Kadizzles heart thumped fearing his life was about to end the preacher said " I want to have a talk with you".  The preacher got what ever he forgot and left.  Kadizzles mind was racing. What should he do? Kadizzle had hitch hiked to Weston and thought he might be well served by running upstairs grabbing his brown leather bag and making a break.

Kadizzle got his nerves calmed and decided to face the music. When the preacher returned it was time for "the talk".  It looked like a scene out of a movie.  There were two stuffed chairs with a lamp in between.  The minister calmly stated that what he wanted to talk about was his son.  The weight of the Earth lifted.  In complete shock Kadizzle was hearing the minister say that he valued Kadizzles judgement and wondered how Kadizzle would advise him about a problem he was having with his son.  Expecting to get a lecture on Hell this was a great relief.  The moral of this story is never blurt out a confession until you have been accused of a crime.

Now for the rest of the story.  Thirty years after the dangerous encounter with no word from the preachers daughter Kadizzle got a call from her.  It was very strange.  Sitting in the office of another employee at the power plant the phone rang.  Chris handed me the phone and to my amazement it was the preachers daughter.  We had a little conversation, and caught up a little on our lives.  When the conversation ended Kadizzle was stunned and said to Chris "I wonder what in the hell that was about".  Chris said "She is divorced, and she is checking the list".  "What?" I said.  Chris said "She is probably going through a list of all her old boyfriends".

That night Kadizzle went home and told The Commander about the whole thing.  Then Kadizzle decided to make a call to the preachers daughter to find out more.  Sure enough Chris was right. She had married the other guy who was at her house when Kadizzle had the encounter with dad.  The other guy became a minister, married her, they had children, he had and affair and they were thrown out of the parish.  Now she was divorced and checking the list.  Kadizzle now does admire the advice of the preacher. The preacher must of told the daughter Kadizzle was the best choice.  Well he was right.  Kadizzle has been married for forty years and has two wonderful kids.

It is on the internet

Free is always a dangerous word.  Kadizzle likes surfing the internet for interesting devices and inventions.  There are a lot of amazing ideas.  However, one that keeps popping up are people claiming to have a device that runs on water, or plasma, or some other magic juice.

One of the most stupid  ideas that often come up is putting a wind generator on your car or truck. As you drive the spinning device generates power.  This demonstrates what a lack of knowledge people have regarding basic physics.  Remember when you were taught energy cannot be created or destroyed.  It comes from somewhere, and it goes somewhere.  The problem is that when you try to move energy you always lose some.  When you generate electricity at a power plant most of the energy is wasted. It goes up the chimney, or is sent out as waste heat to the cooling tower.  About 27% of a carload of coal might turn into electricity.  By the time you get it to your house another couple percent is lost.  When you turn on the light most of the electricity turns into heat, not light.

Now some dolt is going to tell you he has a generator that runs on water.  It would be great, but why does he want me to send him money?  Why doesn't he just sell electricity with his generator that runs on water? Not only do people lack the knowledge of simple physics they also lack the knowledge of logic.  Give a preacher some money, and God will make you rich.  Perhaps the money will make the preacher rich, but God never seems to get the message. Give the rich some money and everyone will be rich. The Republican have been working this scam for years, yet the trickle down never comes.

It is in the Bible. Don't piss against the Wall. Today's Bible Lesson.

Wow, if you watched this, wow is all you can say.  This is so confusing.  God said he was going to kill everyone who pissed against the wall, so this guy who is a pastor says he is going to germany to piss against the wall.  Old pastor man needs to read the Bible he is thumping. When you piss against the wall god gets pissed. When someone finally pissed against the wall in the Bible God did just not kill the guy who pissed, he killed everyone for one hundred miles around.  My advice would be piss behind a tree, or like I do between the trailer and the garage, but be damn careful not to piss against the wall.

If you doubt Kadizzle, this is exactly what the Bible says "And it came to pass, when he began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends.".

The Commander says that Kadizzle is going to die if he does not quit pissing on the floor.  I beseech all men young and old to learn from this lesson the importance of aim, and put the seat down. 

This is what Mark Twain had to say about pissing on the wall. "

A person could piss against a tree, he could piss on his mother, he could piss on his own breeches, and get off, but he must not piss against the wall – that would be going quite too far. The origin of the divine prejudice against this humble crime is not stated; but we know that the prejudice was very strong – so strong that nothing but a wholesale massacre of the people inhabiting the region where the wall was defiled could satisfy the Deity.

Take the case of Jeroboam. “I will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall.” It was done. And not only was the man that did it cut off, but everybody else.

The same with the house of Baasha: everybody was exterminated, kinsfolks, friends, and all, leaving “not one that pisseth against a wall.”

In the case of Jeroboam you have a striking instance of the Deity’s custom of not limiting his punishments to the guilty; the innocent are included. Even the “remnant” of that unhappy house was removed, even “as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone.” That includes the women, the young maids, and the little girls. All innocent, for they couldn’t piss against a wall. Nobody of that sex can. None but members of the other sex can achieve that feat."

The point here is don't get God mad.  When God gets pissed off so to speak there will be some hell break lose. 

It's hard to kick against the pricks.

"It is hard to kick against the pricks", this comes from the Bible. Kadizzle is often amazed about some of the things in the Bible. Kadizzle thought this had something to do with his fights against city hall in Hazen, but here is the real answer.

Answer: “It is hard for you to kick against the pricks” was a Greek proverb, but it was also familiar to the Jews and anyone who made a living in agriculture. An ox goad was a stick with a pointed piece of iron on its tip used to prod the oxen when plowing. The farmer would prick the animal to steer it in the right direction. Sometimes the animal would rebel by kicking out at the prick, and this would result in the prick being driven even further into its flesh. In essence, the more an ox rebelled, the more it suffered. Thus, Jesus’ words to Saul on the road to Damascus: “It is hard for you to kick against the pricks.” 

Our next Bible lesson will be about the verse in the Bible " He who pisseth against the wall shall surely perish.  God does not want you pissing on the wall. Don't try it, if you think I am kidding see what happened in the Bible to the guy who did.

Keep me in your heart for awhile

Like it or not we are all going south.  With cancer hanging over our heads some of us think about the inevitable more than others.  When Kadizzle thinks about his demise he often thinks about nice songs that he would like to be remembered by.  This is surely one of them.


Shadows are fallin' and I'm runnin' out of breath
Keep me in your heart for a while
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for a while
When you get up in the mornin' and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for a while
There's a train leavin' nightly called "When All is Said and Done"
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sometimes when you're doin' simple things around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for a while
Hold me in your thoughts
Take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes
Keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you
Engine driver's headed north up to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for a while
These wheels keep turnin' but they're runnin' out of steam
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Keep me in your heart for a while

He stopped loving her today

Another round at the hunting lodge

If all goes well Riddle will show up and we will make the trek to the southwest to have dinner at the lodge above.  The brave pheasant hunters will stay at a friends riverside cabin in Mott.  Normally the hunt is conducted from the remote home above.  This splendid house sits in the absolute middle of nowhere.  It is surrounded by hundreds of pheasants.  

Sometimes the words say it all.

Listen to the words, and think about life.

What were they up to?

Kadizzle and The Commander headed east to the Missouri yesterday.  About a week ago The Commander made her annual solo float trip down the Missouri from the dam.  When she overnighted near Stanton she found an unusual pile of buffalo bones uncovered by the river.  There seemed to be an abundance of the bone from the hump on the back of the animal.

Kadizzle got roped into a return trip to check out the find.  This trip would be overland.  When the truck got as close as wheels would take us we headed by foot for the river.  Much of the riverside must be like it was back in the days of the Mandan, Hidatsa, and other occupants of the area. After we got to the river there were massive areas of dry sand. The flood from a couple years back really changed everything.  Only by walking on the sandbars can one see how much the river actually changes. Massive amounts of sand and soil get moved when the river gets angry.

Perhaps the river had uncovered some sort of old slaughter site.  Perhaps the animals were crossing and a lot of them got drowned in one spot.  Like the hundreds of Indian sites we visit there is always a question you just cannot answer.

That's the way the World goes round

I know a guy that's got a lot to lose.
He's a pretty nice fellow but he's kind of confused.
He's got muscles in his head that ain't never been used.
Thinks he own half of this town.

Starts drinking heavy, gets a big red nose.
Beats his old lady with a rubber hose,
Then he takes her out to dinner and buys her new clothes.
That's the way that the world goes 'round.

That's the way that the world goes 'round.
You're up one day and the next you're down.
It's half an inch of water and you think you're gonna drown.
That's the way that the world goes 'round.

I was sitting in the bathtub counting my toes,
When the radiator broke, water all froze.
I got stuck in the ice without my clothes,
Naked as the eyes of a clown.
I was crying ice cubes hoping I'd croak,
When the sun come through the window, the ice all broke.
I stood up and laughed thought it was a joke
That's the way that the world goes 'round.

Chinese Pheasants invade North Dakota, but brave hunters turn back the tide.

The battle with the cacklers went well yesterday.  Seven of the Jihadist are in the freezer, and North Dakota is closer to being free from Islamic insurgents.  Someone got to our good spot before we did, but Bob shot at one on the way in.

Next we went to Hungry Man's and The Commander and Bob wasted a lot of energy on a long haul that produced nothing. While posting Kadizzle got one up but no shot.  Next, Kadizzle suggested we go into the brush behind Hungry Man's old estate.   Of course The Commander had to insist it was a waste of time, but that is where the mother load of cacklers was.  It was only a little way in when Kadizzle popped a cackler.  An owl was standing guard in the tree above.  When owls are around the cacklers stay put.  Bob and The Commander got in to a nice little flock and Bob almost had a triple. Bob Shot two, but could only find one.  Then some more time wasting on hopeless plots. 

Finally we went to an old honey hole.  Bob and The Commander rushed the enemy.  A lot of them flew toward Kadizzle in another area.  Kadizzle missed an easy shot, but managed to bag one.  Bob got another one, and it sounded like a bad fire fight up on the hill.  Now, we are all safer knowing those Chinese insurgents have been suppressed.

At home we mixed some gin and tonics, and invited a sailing buddy over for a hot dog feast.  To bed at last with a nice buzz.

Your the Reason God Made North Dakota goes out to The Commander today

Where the rhododendrons Grow.

I want to wake up in the morning,
Where the rhododendrons grow,
Where the sun comes a creepin‟, into where I'm sleepin‟
And the song birds say hello.
I want to wander thru the wildwood,
Where the fragrant breezes blow,
And drift back to the mountains,
Where the rhododendrons grow.
I want to climb up in the mountains,
Where the rhododendrons grow
Where the Lord is so near me, when I breathe he can hear me,
And the whole world sings below.
I want to lay down all my burdens
And forget my worldly woe;
And stay here in West Virginia,
Where the rhododendrons gro

Up an at em

It is early. Kadizzle is up, but Jasper Littlebottom is still sleeping.  Kadizzle would bet that Littlebottom will demand the raking of leaves. No, Kadizzle just remembered two big items on the schedule.  First, a Jihad against the pheasants that are trying to invade our country and impose Pheasant law on us.  The insurgents are south of town, and with neighbor Bob's help we can route them out.  Just like the Taliban, you can never win against the pheasants.  They always come back, sometimes in greater numbers.

If we suppress the pheasant uprising, the next great trip will be to the Missouri River.  Jasper insist we investigate buffalo bones she found.  As the Missouri twist and winds it moves a lot and the flood a few years back changed everything.  How about one more round of coffee?

What you think is true probably is not.

There are such things as facts. Within reason you can get close to the number of people in the world who cannot read.  You can do this with research and use those marvelous things called numbers.  It turns out that 80% of the people in the world can read when you actually and factually check into it. However, try this today.  Go up to anyone you know and ask them "What percent of people in the world do you think can read?".   Your typical person will say somewhere between 20 and 40 percent.

It turns out that when you inquire with the average person about the most basic facts of humanity, they are woefully ignorant.  Why is this?  People want to believe what they agree with, so the listen to, and read things they agree with.  The net result is they live in an artificial world that does not exist.

People think the poor are stealing all the money.  The facts don't in any manner shape or form support that notion.  The poor are actually like a high milage car, they get by on a very small portion of the total wealth of the country.  The poor make up about 20% of the population, but only use about 2% of all the goodies.  Another popular belief that simply does not hold up to the reality of the numbers is that the poor are lazy.  Again, this is simply not true. Most of the so called poor work, and often they work more than one job. Many of the so called poor are single working mothers.

It has always been the case in history for politicians to feed the fires of ignorance. While the wealthy live the life of ease they get the common man to believe it is the poor, the Mexicans, and the lazy who are the problem.  This works great for Fox News and Rush Limbaugh.  There is a vast market for people who do not want to address reality, but would rather listen to someone distort it for them.

The Best Day

Imaginary Dirt is everywhere

You can scrub as long as you want, you can pressure wash, you can blast, you can sand, but you will never get rid of imaginary dirt.  The Kadizzles are having company tonight, so that means we have to clean.  If Kadizzle vacuums for an hour in one square foot there is still imaginary dirt there.  Nothing will get rid of imaginary dirt. About a week ago we paid a cleaning lady dearly to get the joint clean, be even she cannot rid the joint of imaginary dirt.  If you spend two days doing the kitchen floor and a piffle blows in from China and lands on the floor, that means the whole damn floor is dirty.

Now you want imaginary dirt, the most toxic thing in the world is a pair of Kadizzle's underwear.  They cannot be kept near normal clothing do to the radioactivity.  Even if he takes a shower, puts them on for thirty seconds, and takes them off they must be handled with welders gloves. 

Walk like an Egyptian

Musical Morning

Kadizzle and The Commander are awake.  The morning update is in progress.  Last night as you might have figured Kadizzle got into music.  Watching musical youtube videos is a great way to relax.  There is something magical about music and video put together.  Music is very much about emotion.  When you connect music with video that is what you get.

So here we sit listening to old favorites.  The Commander just barked out her first command.  "We are going to get the leaves raked on Monday".  It was not a request, it was a bulletin.

As the commander surfs she updates Kadizzle.  The Commander just brought up how the seas are dying.  Well it looks like the world might end about the time Kadizzle does.  People stare at their cell phones as the world crashes around them.  We live in an age where people live by the motto " I got mine, the hell with you".   The underlying assumption is " I got off my ass and got mine, why didn't you".   In a lot of cases this is true, but lets look at our little town.  The guys who have really done well got a good head start from their daddy.   When daddy gives you the grocery store, or the bank, or the car dealership, you can probably make a pretty good go of it until you run it into the ground.  We all have an equal chance to succeed, but some of us get a much more equal chance.  That is where the inheritance tax comes in.  Some poor hard working little guy is supposed to go up against the kid who inherited a couple million from dad.  People like to sing and dance about welfare.  What is the definition welfare?  Welfare is when you don't do anything, but you get something.  For some strange reason when you inherit vast sums this does not apply.  In the old days everyone agreed, you cannot just die as king, and make your son king.  We did away with that shit, but now we are going backwards.  Big daddy, can make little daddy, and on it goes. What happened to fair, what happened to an equal chance?

Don't give up till it's over, don't quit if you can

Don`t give up till it`s over, don`t quit if you can
The weight on your shoulder will make you a stronger man

Grasp your nettle tightly, though it will burn
Treat your failures lightly, your luck is bound to turn

Don`t give up till it`s over, don`t quit if you can
The weight on your shoulder will make you a stronger man

Look at the autumn flowers how they wither and fade
With nature`s hidden powers, next year they`ll be re-made

Don`t give up till it`s over, don`t quit if you can
The weight on your shoulder will make you a stronger man

Watch the full moon rising, like a ghost of the sun
Oh, dawn will be more surprising, when a new day has begun

Don`t give up till it`s over, don`t quit if you can
The weight on your shoulder will make you a stronger man

Don`t give up till it`s over, don`t quit if you can
The weight on your shoulder will make you a stronger man

Billions in Change

Watch this, perhaps it will make you think about the world differently. If it does not you will never change.

What in the hell are they saying.

What are they singing?  Who knows but it is nice music.

Have a drink and win the war.

Last night Kadizzle stumbled into a history lesson.  The lesson came from doing a little research on Ulysses S. Grant.  There has been a lot of debate about Grant's drinking and how it affected the outcome of the Civil War.  Strangely it seems to have made him a better general.  Drinking did a lot to destroy Grant's life and got him to the point that he felt he had nothing to lose.  When you have nothing to lose you might be more aggressive and do things in a different manner.  One historian pointed out that a lot of Generals might withdraw and recuperate after winning a battle, not old Ulysses.  When he had the rebels on the run he kept after them.

Think about it, who would you rather fight, a calm rational person or a wild drunk.  If you have ever seen a wild drunk fight you know they often don't seem to have any regard for what might happen to them.  That seemed to be Grant.  One big problem Lincoln had with a lot of his generals was they sat in a tent all day planning and never did anything. If Grant sat in his tent he usually was having a drink and priming the pump for an explosion.

At one time Grant was on a ship sharing quarters with the captain.  The Captain of the ship had a well stocked supply of liquor. The captain told Grant to help himself, he did.   Always remember, "When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose".   When you are at the bottom there is only one way to go. Grant capitalized on this, perhaps there is a lesson here.

Enjoy a Conversation

At the crazy club yesterday three of us sat in the sun and had a nice conversation for about two hours.  It seemed like every subject came up.  What is the best way to raise children? What works, what doesn't work?  What went wrong in this case or that case? What could have been done differently?

What about our town? Could we have a more productive city commission? Do we need more participation by businessmen?  What about material things? Do we concentrate too much on just having and getting things? What about religion?  What about sharing, and our attitude towards our fellow man?

We covered so many subjects and managed to never get heated or argumentative.  For Kadizzle this is an accomplishment.  When the meeting finally broke up one of the participants said how much they enjoyed the discussion.  Why?  Reflecting on the question Kadizzle would speculate it was the pace.  Each person took the time to listen, things went slowly.  The participants sought understanding, they actually tried to understand in completeness what the other person was saying. Everyone sought clarity.  In the end it was a nice way to sit in the sun and reflect the nature of the world.

How many times do people sit down and have a discussion that is meaningful?  Go to the coffee shop and what do you usually hear?  It is a lot of bitching.  Someone doesn't like something and they want you to know.  Next it will be sports.  This bunch moved a piece of leather faster than that bunch this week.  Our group of people ran faster than their group of people.  Then lets talk about the guy who told them how to run or throw a piece of leather.  More than likely he does not know how to do it.

People say you should not discuss politics, or religion.  In other words stick to stuff that never changes anything in reality.  Talk about sports and the weather.  Let someone else talk about the things that really shape our lives, and just get along.  What about education? Can you get smarter by talking to someone? If you talk about sports and the weather are you really learning anything?  Are you developing any thinking skills or listening skills.  If you know who might win the Super Bowl do you really know anything?

Ulysses S. Kadizzle

Delusions of grandeur is a common malady among the insane, so why not indulge. A lot of people get confused and think they are Jesus, but Kadizzle has become convinced he is the reincarnation of Ulysses S. Grant. Two things brought this on.  First, Kadizzle was checking out of the pheasant hunting lodge and paying the proprietor with a crisp $50 dollar bill. Charlene remarked to Kadizzle when he handed it to her that every time she held a fifty and looked at the picture she thought of Kadizzle.

Tonight Kadizzle has been laying in bed reading the book about the history of his home town during the Civil War. Unbeknownst to Kadizzle until this evening Ulysses S. Grant passed through Wheeling, West Virginia several times. Wheeling was the farthest west you could get on the B&O Railroad.  During the Civil War if you wanted to get to the battle the way to go was through Wheeling, then down the Ohio River by steamboat.

Grant had a reputation as a drinker.  Lincoln supposedly responded to some critics of Grant's drinking by saying he had sent people to find out what kind of whiskey Grant drank, so he could give some to the other Generals.

My hometown was always famous for a little or a lot of sin here and there.  I am sure while Grant was in Wheeling waiting for the riverboat he may have take some delights that could have led to my bloodline. No doubt Grant stayed in the famous McClure Hotel.  My mother had an aunt who lived there in style.  It all adds up. Let me pour myself a strong shot of whiskey, and I am sure I can put the rest of this together.

Now someone may ask "How do you know you are Ulysses S. Grant"  ?   The answer is simple, just try to find out what the S. stands for as his middle initial.  You will never find the answer, unless you come to Kadizzle.  Just try to find out and if you don't I will gladly supply the answer.

A brain smaller than a golf ball

It is fall and the pheasant Jihad is on.  Yesterday Kadizzle, and The Commander attacked the insurgents south of town.  Now keep in mind pheasants are not native to this country, they are an introduced species from China.  Kadizzle does not like killing anything. Pheasants and grouse are all Kadizzle hunts.  There is no excuse for killing a grouse, but people do need to eat, so just look at it like getting your chicken meat.

Pheasants have three choices, run, hide, or fly.  Somehow the little bird brains know you are coming from a long way off.  The little dingers hear cars go by every day so usually they ignore it.  However, when the insurgents hear a car door slam they put on their running shoes and they are off.

Since Kadizzle has been at war with the pheasants for so long he knows some of their tactics, and unfortunately the bird brains know a lot of Kadizzles tricks.  The best offense against the cacklers is to herd them to the end of a tree row and have someone posted there to send them to the pot.  Leakage is the problem.  At the morning bird meetings the pheasants discuss the need to get out of the tree row before the end.  If Kadizzle's army is big enough there will be shotgun soldiers posted to keep leakage under control. Come out prematurely and you will get shot.  Nothing is better than being the poster. That is the guy at the end when the enemy pours out.  Shooting an oncoming overhead B 52 pheasant is a pleasure.  Kadizzle shot one of the poor fellows and he kept flying, but just like his engines failed he nose dived and now is in the freezer.

Do the pheasants have weapons?  Yes, but they are phycological.  The pheasants job is to make the hunter feel stupid.  One classic is just to hide an let you walk by.  They get up behind you, and fly away giving you the finger.  The best weapon the pheasant has is the heart attack.  Kadizzle knows of a group of pheasants that have their morning meeting and all they discuss is giving Kadizzle a heart attack.   Here is their technique. These birds live by a deep coulee.   In small increments they lead Kadizzle to the coulee.  Like an idiot they lead him up and down the steep banks.  Kadizzle's heart thumps like it is going to explode and he can hear the cacklers laughing as they fly away.  Another heart attack technique is for the pheasant to sit until you just about step on them.  The hen pheasants usually have this job.  They fly out from under your crotch and scare the lead right out of you.

There is an interesting thing or two that happens when you hunt pheasants.  Sometimes the hawks know what you are doing.  You scare up the pheasant, and the hawk comes down and gets it for dinner.  Once while hunting near the knife river Kadizzle realized a fox was walking down below him on the river waiting for Kadizzle to shoot a pheasant.  Sure enough up popped the pheasant.  Kadizzle had a wonderful shot. The pheasant plunged dead down onto the ice on the river.  Before Kadizzle got there the fox did. Now, who was outfoxed?

Last year old Kadizzle was hunting with Sam. Kadizzle plugged a pheasant and was walking along telling Sam pheasant stories. Kadizzle told Sam about the time they popped one in the back of a pickup truck with a topper.  When Bob opened the topper to put some more pheasants in one came alive and flew out. Bob shot the poor fellow and put him back in.  Right after Kadizzle told Sam the story our group had to cross a fence.  Kadizzle decided to crawl under the fence.  Kadizzle handed Sam the gun and crawled under the fence.  Just as Kadizzle came out from under the fence the pheasant Kadizzle had shot earlier came out of the pouch, and flew away.  Kadizzle took his gun from Sam and shot, but missed.  You know at the morning pheasant meeting that bird will have a story to tell.

We are losing them

The Commander is off to another funeral.  As you get older you begin to realize people are going to disappear.  All deaths are sad.  The death of a young person is very sad.  Recently we lost a good friend of our children.  Kadizzle has lost a brother at 49, and about two years ago an older sister.  With nine kids in the family, and being near the bottom old Kadizzle may have to see the passing of a lot of siblings. On the other hand with prostate cancer, Kadizzle may get to the goal first.

This is the time of life when friends are trying to decide if they should retire.  Do it, do it, do it, unless you are having so much fun working you cannot bear it.  Too many friends have worked to long and died without a day of fun or vacation.  The clock is ticking and you cannot rewind it.  There is a big world out there, get out and take a look.

Hopefully Kadizzle can face death head on. Like most people the real fear is pain.  Being dead is a fact of life, somehow that seems like a contradiction.  Often The Commander and Kadizzle discuss what to do when Kadizzle gets called up to the lord.  Pretty much it has been decided to cook Kadizzle to ashes. What to do with the ashes is a problem. It has basically been decided to put them in a coffee can.  The big decision is plastic, or steel.  The Commander seems to think that if Kadizzle is still as worthless and ornery as he is now when he dies plastic would be most appropriate.  Right now Folgers seems to be getting the bid.

The Commander has come up with this new idea to put coffee in socks and hang the socks in the boat over the winter.  We just completed this task.  The Commander bought a brand new plastic can of Folgers. It was a big can, clue number one.  She kept the can, clue number two.

Kadizzle would like to have a few of his ashes saved.  Bob up the street can load some shotgun shells with a little Kadizzle ashe.  Pitch some in the lake.  Spread some on the old farm in West Virginia where my father is sprinkeled.  Pour some on my mother's grave.  Puts some in the garden that fed me.  Send some to all the people that did not like me with a note to flush them down their toilet.  Sprinkle some in the pocket park.  Last but not least fill some suppositories with my ashes and give them to all the Republicans,  and the crooked preachers.

Get Angry

Better watch this one. Wow, John Oliver really hit out dingers hard. After you watch, think about how North Dakota has some of the worst paid teachers in the country, and 24,000 children living in poverty.  Reeking with oil money basic human needs are ignored while a few people prosper at the expense of many.  In Alaska every person share directly in the oil wealth with a check from the government.  Each person in Alaska received 1,200 last year.  Vote Republican and insure the one percent prospers, and the state legislators like this clip says get to actually put campaign money in their checking account.

A Haint came to our window

Kadizzle has not ever thought of the word haint for years, but tonight there was something strange going on at the bedroom window.  Kadizzle was surfing the net laying in bed.  This strange rapping started on the window.  At first Kadizzle thought maybe The Commander was outside rapping on the window for some reason.  Kadizzle got the big boat spotlight which is by the bed and looked out.  Nothing seemed to be out there, so Kadizzle looked for The Commander and found her in the other room watching TV.

So the only explanation is that it was a haint.  Apparently Haints are like ghost.  If a person dies and does not got to the beyond they are stuck here for a time as a haint.  Haint is a southern term, and no one knows where it came from for sure.

Another possibility is it might be the local vandals.  Well perhaps the haint will return later.  Is it a crime to shoot a haint ?  Perhaps when the haint comes back Kadizzle will fire a few shotgun rounds at the window.  The Commander says this is unacceptable because we just had all new windows put in the house.  If Kadizzles pheasant hunting was an indication of his shooting ability the haint will not be in much danger.  Not sure if haint season is open yet.

Got more meat at the table than in the field

Kadizzle returned home from the hunt, and got on the scale.  It was a disaster. Although Kadizzle shot a limit each day, he put more weight on his belly than he put bird meat in the freezer.  The hunting was good, and as always so was the eating.  The bird population was strong.  The first morning we shot our limit in under an hour.  The next day took a little more work.  Old Kadizzle missed some easy shots, and made a couple of good ones.  We lost a few birds that the brain dead dog could not find.  Sorry about that Shanika, but your dog needs to take the same stuff you are putting in your nose.

Age is taking its toll and that hiking through the reeds is getting harder.  Kadizzle got to do the turkey shoot, and did a poor job.  The turkey shoot happens when you get to post at the end of the tree row.  The birds poured out like water, and Kadizzle only managed to hit one.  The birds are getting smarter.  Kadizzle goes left, the birds go right.  Educated pheasants are getting to be a problem.

one Awake

Bird blasting day is upon us. Kadizzle is the only one away watching the sunrise in the absolute middle of nowhere.  Sitting in the old judge's mansion with all the ornate woodwork while the rest of the crew sleeps.  Kadizzle had a nice sleep.  The gentle wind blowing in from the open window to the west had the best air imaginable.  The silence of the remote prairie was golden.

Yesterday Kadizzle took a couple of inspection walks to check the bird numbers.  Although there was not a single bird to be seen on the drive in, there are plenty in the bushes.  Hope someone pops out of nowhere and gets the coffee going.

Father Forgive Us

Morning, with the coffee brewing.  John Prine is singing, " Father forgive us for what we must do, you forgive us, we will forgive you".  What was God thinking when he made people different colors? What was he thinking when he sent different messages to different parts of the world? What was he thinking when he invented flies and mosquitoes.  What was he thinking when he invented cancer?

You simply cannot have it both ways. You cannot say god controls everything, then say he is responsible for nothing.  If god cannot control cancer they why pray?  If God cannot control famine, then why ask.  Of course you can just throw your hands up and say "We must have faith".  If the house was on fire you would get out, you would not sit there and have faith the fire will go out.  Father forgive us, and we will forgive you. I think John Prine has it right.

When Technology spins out of control.

A pilot might let some novice fly a giant plane, but the pilot would be right there all the time.  The pilot would not got to the restroom and leave the novice in the cockpit.  Computers are both very simple, and very complicated.  On the most basic level all a computer can do is make a yes or no decision,  however the complication comes when the computer gets to make ten million yes or no decisions in one tenth of a second.

Yesterday the Kadizzles had a friend over to see some wedding pictures from Megan's recent wedding.  The pictures were primarily on The Commanders phone.  The Commander treats here phone like it is an external heart.  If her phone has any problem it is similar to a heart attack.  There is always, any second going to be a phone call that will be the start of a crises beyond imagination.  The phone must be ready.  Remember the old phone line between Moscow and Washington DC that was supposed to prevent an accidental nuclear war.  The Commanders phone is just as important.

Back to the story.  In order to see the pictures on a larger scale Kadizzle plugged the iphone of The Commander into the computer.  This is where all hell broke lose.  By some strange quirk, The laptop turned The Commander's phone into Kadizzle's old iphone.  This was a very strange and perplexing event, but needless to say The Commander hit warp speed insanity.  First it was a call to Verizon. Verizon was perplexed.  Next, Verizon put The Commander in touch with Apple.  Two hours later the problem was finally resolved.  What about drove Kadizzle completely insane was listening to The Commander talk to the poor lady on the phone from Apple.  It was a continual "Who is on first" comedy routine.  If you know The Commander you know she is hyperactive beyond belief.  Her brain rushes to a conclusion so fast it would drive anyone insane.  When Kadizzle walks out the door The Commander says " Shut the door" before he is halfway through the door. The Apple lady was probably about to commit suicide before the whole thing was over.  Nothing could be worse than trying to tell someone over the phone which button to push.

Kadizzle could just imagine being in a plane crash with The Commander as a copilot.  Kadizzle would say as the plane plummeted toward the ground, " Just let me fly the plane".  The Commander would say, "No, just tell me what to do".   Kadizzle would say " Start the engines".  The Commander would say " Ok, let me sit there and start the engine".  After the engine got started The Commander would say " Give me that control stick, your going to ruin the plane".  This argument would go on until the plane crashed.  As two crippled people walked away from the plane crash they would still be arguing about who caused the crash.

If The Commander reads this, you will hear a loud explosion emanate from Hazen.  Sometimes The Commander reads this crap, and other times she does not.  When you live under the rule of The Commander you better behave, this is a lesson Kadizzle never learned.

Booming

Yesterday Kadizzle spoke with someone, can not even remember who, but the person said their father was a boiler maker, and went "Booming".  There are two types of boiler makers apparently.  The local boiler makers take the cream, and get to stay home and work on the local power plants.  Boiler making is an on and off proposition.  The work comes and goes, so you have to chase the work.  That is where the boomers go.  The boomers go to where a new project is being built.

Booming has sort of been a way of life around Kadizzles home town of Hazen.  The big boom hit many years ago when the gas plant got built.  There were 5,000 boomers here.   They are about to add on to the gas plant and we can expect 750 or more boomers.  The boomers are like gypsies.  The boomers are the guys who did not pay attention in high school, and did not realize that meant they would have to move around for the rest of their life looking for work.

A whole different cause of booming in North Dakota is oil.  Hazen is on the fringe of the oil boom.  Booming does not make for stable families, it does make for drugs, drinking, divorce, and kids growing up the hard way.  When the boom hits things get built as if the boom will never end. The bars sprout up, so do the hotels, and even the new subdivisions.  When the boom goes bust there are streets with no houses, and city governments wondering how they are going to pay for all the leftovers.

During the gas plant boom a whole man camp was built in Beulah.  Today the cafeteria is a church.  The street lights from the project are along the bike path in Hazen, and all over Mercer county.

When Kadizzle came to Hazen in a way he was a boomer.  Kadizzle came with the coal.  There were not a lot of people in North Dakota with coal mine management skills, so Kadizzle packed up and landed in Hazen.  One good thing about boomers is they do sometimes introduce new DNA into the culture.  When a new plant or mine is built some of the builders remain to run the damn things.  A lot of intelligence is involved in a gas plant.  It involves complex planning, and even a new kind of knowledge about chemistry, metallurgy, and a host of things the locals never heard of.

One of the first things the boomers did was overthrow the old guard.  When Kadizzle moved here there were about three families running the whole show.  Those days more or less ended.  Religion was another strange thing.  Originally everyone was either Catholic, or Lutheran.  Now the whole area has been infested with every kind of fundamentalist insanity known to man.  Southern Baptist is an invasive species.  Once those dingers took hold we were off to the races.  Baptist are like dogs there are a thousand breeds.  When two baptist disagree about how god made salad a new church springs up in a basement, a garage, or an old lumberyard.  Now everyone has their own flavor of Jesus.

Well the next boom will be here soon.  Fasten you seat belt.

Going Through Manopause, not Menopause.

Because of prostate cancer they yanked some important equipment out of Kadizzle. The idea was to yank out all the rotten stuff that had the cancer.  Well it did not quite work. Some of the cancer escaped and is looking for a new home.  So let's kill the escaped stuff.  Kadizzle got 40 radiation treatments to cook the cancer, but the doctor thought of another blast to give it, hormone therapy.

Prostate cancer has a favorite food, and it is testosterone,  that wonderful substance that does so much for men.  In fact it is what makes men, men.  Hormone therapy puts and end to testosterone, and stops my favorite innocent bystander also.  As if they was not enough, Kadizzle gets hot flashes, just like the women do. Now, Kadizzle knows what they go through.  All of a sudden a flash of fire goes through your body. You throw off the covers, and then the next thing you know you are freezing.  Those damn little cancer cells looking for testosterone pizza better be starving after all of this.  Sadly this will work only for two years, then the cancer may find a way to beat the game.  At most Kadizzle is into three months of the hormone game. Wow, almost another two years of this pleasure.  Well Kadizzle is alive.  Now of course that nasty little prostate cancer also likes everything Kadizzle like, such as red meat, sugar, and just plain being fat.  So lets see what are the good things in life?  Ah yes, sex, food, and there must be something else.  Well perhaps after another 21 months of hot flashes, Kadizzle can be back to himself after sitting on the bench for two years.  This is not a good thing when you are 66 years old.

A Sad misunderstanding

For so many years it was the job of Kadizzle to escort federal mine inspectors through the coal mine where Kadizzle was in charge of safety.  The way the Mine Safety and Health Administration was set up our mine almost always had the same inspector.  We ran a good safe coal mine, but there was a lot of pressure on the inspectors to at least find something wrong.  Rudy was the inspector, and over the years we became friends of sorts.  It was like a policeman and a criminal becoming friends.  Kadizzle was the criminal in this case.

Federal inspectors made surprise inspections at mines.  The safety guys like Kadizzle developed a network so we could somewhat figure when the surprise would come.  Sometimes the inspector would show up for two or three days, other times it might be for a whole week.  The inspector could come whenever he wanted. He could show up in the middle of the night if he chose. That meant Kadizzle would have to get out of bed and run out to the mine.

The long and short of it was Kadizzle and Rudy spent many, many hours together driving around the mine.  Rudy was getting old and tired, and did not like the job of confrontation, and often controversial.  It was Kadizzle's job to avoid citations, and to fight them in court if need be.  Sometimes Rudy would come and go with no citations, but his bosses put heat on him to write up something.  A couple of favorites were frayed extension cords, or fire extinguishers.  It was kind of Rudy to pick on the small things.  It worked for both of us.  The fine was very small, and it suited the needs of both parties.  We got dinged, and Rudy got an atta boy.

Then one day something went wrong.  Rudy was not in a good mood, and Kadizzle sensed he was out to find some real problems.  At the big shop where the heavy equipment was repaired Rudy was snooping around.  Kadizzle did not notice Rudy had slipped into the machine shop.   Rudy did not like it, but sometimes Kadizzle carried a camera, and a recorder.  When things heated up it was a way to send a signal to Rudy we were going to fight back.  Rudy came out of the machine shop and told Kadizzle there was a problem in the machine shop.   Kadizzle went into the machine shop and Rudy showed Kadizzle where a cover was missing for the electrical components to a drill press.  Now, pay attention to this detail.  Between the time Rudy saw the missing cover, and the time Kadizzle saw it,  the machinist put the cover back on.  Rudy pointed to the cover and explained the problem.  As chance would have it the cover was kind of unique.  The cover was about three feet long, by two feet wide.  However, built into the large cover was a small cover.  Since the machinist had replaced the large cover Kadizzle had no idea that was the cover Rudy was talking about.  The small cover seemed like no big deal. Kadizzle too a photo thinking it was the small cover at issue.

As things evolved Kadizzle went in front of an administrative law judge to fight Rudy about the cover, and about some other citations.  Kadizzle took the picture to court, and won the case.

Now move the clock ahead many years.  Rudy finally retired, and the mine gave him some sort of gift.  Then the strange conversation occurred.  Rudy said to Kadizzle " I never forgave you for the time you lied in court".   Kadizzle was shocked.   Then Kadizzle figured out what had happened.  In court Kadizzle thought it was the small cover. Rudy know it was the big cover.  Rudy was probably correct.  If the big cover was off, then we were guilty.

In his own way Rudy was a shy man.  Rudy was somewhat of a country bumpkin and the whole court thing sort of overwhelmed him.  Rudy should have spoken up in court, and pointed out the inaccuracies of my case.  Indeed it would have been fine and a revelation to me if Rudy had straightened things out.  That just was not Rudy's nature.

Rudy had always been concerned about the health of his wife.  It worried him constantly.  It was not long before Kadizzle was shocked to hear Rudy had died within three weeks after retirement.  Rudy was a good man, and I hope he is somewhere reading this.  I only wish Rudy had spoke up.  It saddened Kadizzle greatly to think Rudy thought Kadizzle would have done such a thing to him.  Rudy was good to Kadizzle and made life easier for him.

Under Kadizzle's leadership, the Glenharold Mine was the first mine in North Dakota to win the prestigious Sentinels of Safety Award.  The award went to the mine that had the most accident free hours worked in the United States.

Calculating When to Die

Live within your means is the old saw.  The biggest problem you have to overcome when you decide to live within your means, is to decide how long you will live.  For years Kadizzle has been using the T.Rowe Price retirement calculator online.  You tell the calculator when you were born, how much money you have, and how much social security you get.  Next you simply say how much you want to spend each month.  The calculator assumes you and your wife are going to live to be 95.  Say for example you want to spend 8,000 per month. You punch in the numbers and the computer says no, no, no.  Simple solution, die sooner. The calculator lets you adjust when you are going to die.  This is where the problem pops in.  Kadizzle figures he might make it to 80 at the very best.  More likely prostate cancer will kill him by 75.  On the other hand the old bird he is married to, The Commander is tough as nails.  The online calculator of a different site says she might go to over 100.

So here is the dilemma,  We could live fine if we both agree to be dead by 80, but The Commander will not go along.  On the T. Rowe Price calculator Kadizzle usually chooses the number 85.  It looks like we could live pretty well with that number.  In reality if Kadizzle kicked at 75 and The Commander went on, it could work.

Back to the present.  As most couples the Kadizzles argue about what to buy, and what not to buy.  To solve this problem Kadizzle has set up the widow fund.  This is the money that will be left after Kadizzle is drawn to the lord.  When The Commander says we are getting some new expensive item, Kadizzle just tells her to "Take it out of the widow fund".

Since the plan is for Kadizzle to drop dead of cancer and leave The Commander to fend for herself, The Commander has to take some responsibility.  It all comes down to choosing the quality of your nursing home.  If The Commander wants to go in luxury,  she can cut back.  If The Commander wants to live in squalor that is another choice.

Now there is one other good option, get alzheimer's.  If your mind goes, but you are still alive,  and your imagination is going strong, you can imagine you are the King, The Queen or whatever.  You can live in the nursing home and believe that nurse is really a servant, and the doctor is the Duke of Dukedom.

When old Kadizzle was in college we used to walk by an old guy sitting on the porch.  We would say "How is life Mr. Mc Gumflee.  Mr. McGumflee would say " Life is great, but it is just taking so long".  Now that is a good attitude.

The Morning Update

Kadizzle fell in a snore hole. What is a snore hole? In the morning you awake and are in that still sleepy state. You think you are ready to get up, but you go for one more topper.  That topper can be a deep snore hole. When Kadizzle crawled out of the snore hole The Commander was gone and having coffee in the kitchen.

A coffee addiction is great. It gives you something to look forward to.  As the water warms the update starts.  The New York Times was wonderful this morning, and the only newspaper you should read it you can only read one.  Kadizzle pays to read the NYT online.  Read the article on recycling, and see how silly it is.  Read Maureen Dowd and laugh.

The Bismarck Tribune is also morning reading online. It is a total piece of crap, but it is fun to see the letters to the editor.  You get the Fox News slant on the world realizing the local dingers eat up that nonsense.  NPR fires out some good stuff.  Kadizzile has the habit of checking out Lifehacker.  Lifehacker was recommended by Uncle Ned, and often has an interesting spin on how to improve your existence.

People used to say " You are what you eat".  The reality is you are what you read, listen to, and watch.  Fox News is the worst possible junk food for the brain.  Rush Limbaugh is worse than crack for the brain.  Guess what everyone in North Dakota listens to and watches.  Yup.

Getting up to date is a great way to waste the morning.  Drink some coffee, get up to date, and figure out how to waste the rest of the day.

Secret Agents

If you are a follower of this blog, you know about the problem Kadizzle has had in Hazen with the miscreants and vandals.  The vandals and miscreants don't know there is a network of people watching them, and comparing notes.  Just by accident the network of crime stoppers is pretty well distributed.  One agent has infiltrated the trouble makers pretty successfully.

One discovery Kadizzle has made in keeping track of the young rebels is the FBI logbook.  Really, there is no such thing, but there is an equivalent.  The local library has on hand all the year books from the high school. When you need a name and a mug shot, it is a simple matter to just go to the library.  When you meet with other members of the crime stoppers you can whip out your phone and say "Is this the one?".

Modern technology has made being a successful miscreant much more difficult.  One device that works nicely is the game camera.  You can get a decent one for sixty dollars.  Kadizzle's game camera took some decent pictures of the vandals truck and even the license plates could be read.

To some degree the vandals have adapted. The vandals now have to dress in dark clothing, and remove any distinct markings when they are out doing their mischief.  The vandals are not the brightest bunch.  The problem for the vandals is this,  when you go down the street dressed as a nija so you will not be seen at night, anyone who does see you knows you are up to no good.  One of the favorite costumes of the vandal crowd is the grey hooded sweat shirt.  When you see one of these dingers it is like seeing and ad that says "Keep you eye on me".  In some states like Florida you are allowed to shoot people in hooded sweat shirts no questions asked.

Cool weather, school, and the onset of winter has forced the rodents indoors.  Anyone who reads about crime and violence knows it is directly related to temperature.  Once you cool people down, the seem to behave much better.  One of the favorite sayings in North Dakota has always been " The winters keep the riff raff out".  This may no longer be true, but it does keep the riff raff inside in front of their computers.

Amen Brother

Kadizzle knows a lot more about the Bible than most people would think.  This happened two ways.  As any young person Kadizzle had a certain amount of religion shoved up his exhaust.  Someone was always pushing to have Kadizzle go to Sunday school, or vacation Bible school. Kadizzle always thought it a massive shame to waste a sunny day inside getting involved with the lord.  None the less Kadizzle was exposed.

The second way Kadizzle got religion was on the radio, and a little TV.  In Kadizzle's home town there is a radio station WWVA.  WWVA was the second radio station ever in the United States. The first was KDKA in Pittsburg. WWVA made its money with two basic formats, country music, and crooked preachers.  WWVA was very famous for it's Jamboree.  Every Saturday night tourist would come from Canada to see the live stage show that was broadcast on WWVA. Many country legends like Johnny Cash, and Tammy Whinet, got their start there.

Kadizzle somehow got fascinated by the crooked preachers that came on every night about six or seven.  These scoundrels knew every trick in the trade to bilk old ladies, and the simple minded, and they made good money doing it.  There was Reverend Ike, The Honorable S. Bishop Sheldon, and a few other famous ones.  One of the preachers worked out of his own little town in Arizona.  Oh, now I remember his name, A. A. Allen.  Gold old A.A. Allen was an alcoholic.  When he died Time Magazine revealed that he would sit in front of the microphone with a pitcher of martinis.  Time even showed a picture of him with the drink jug in front of him preaching on WWVa.  The Honorable S. Bishop Sheldon was a black preacher and had a wonderful choir.  Kadizzle used to love to fall asleep listening to Bishop Sheldon's choir.  Reverend Ike sold prayer hankes.  You could put a prayer hanke under you pillow and then go to the race track the next day and win the perfecta.

Now this all gets to the moral of the story.  One night old Bishop Sheldon was preaching away.  He said he was never wrong. Kadizzle liked his confidence. Bishop Sheldon said that if anyone ever proved him wrong they would get a three story refrigerator, with an elevator, and a guy to run the elevator.  Now how many preachers can make you an offer like that.  Of course the Muslims are offering 28 virgins.

Back to the moral of the story.  Kadizzle writes this silly blog every day.  Does anyone read the damn thing?
Bishop Sheldon sort of had the same question, and problem.  One night he was preaching away and every time he said something the whole congregation would say "Amen Brother, Amen".  This went on for awhile and then the Honorable Bishop said " No matter what I said you idiots would say Amen, Brother Amen", to which the congregation replied "Amen Brother, Amen".  Now this gets to the point.  Does anyone read this crap?  Let me know, by sending me an email to dakotaquinn@gmail.com.  Simply say Amen Brother, Amen.

The Rameedigus

What in the hell is a rameedigus? A rameedigus is a short trip whereby one gets up to date through a series of conversations with people along the way. Most days when Kadizzle can no longer stand the confines of his home in the morning he fires up the motor cycle and heads out for the rameedigus.

Usually the first stop is at the clubhouse for the mentally ill.  Close to main street is the Brooks House.  A local pottery enthusiast has set up a little art store in a small house that at one time was the entire phone company for Hazen. Shiney runs the Brooks house.  No offense to Shiney, but she is the spitting image of the wicked witch of the West.  She even has a tiny little dog to put in the basket of her bicycle. Problem is she does not ride the bike.  Shiney has the perfect voice to play the part.

All the crazy people stop by to vent with Shiney.  Of course Kadizzle is one of them.  Shiney knows everyone, and everything about everyone.  The art store struggles and is never very busy, so there is a lot of time to cackle.  Behind the Brooks house is a nice little spot to sit in the sun and watch the world go by.  Hazen has a group called The Alley Cats.  For some strange reason The Alley Cats prefer to walk up and down the first ally north of Main Street.  As one sits behind the Brooks house during the remedigus an occasional Alley Cat will go by.  Usually the Alley Cats stop briefly to add their two cents worth to the conversation.  Larry goes by most mornings on his way to get the mail. Doreen is another one that hustles down the alley on her way to consult someone about the ads she sells for the paper.  The Alley Cats probably don't want to see the people they would run into on Main Street, so the alley is like a secret tunnel.

Within twenty feet of the backyard at the Brooks house is the Pocket Park.  In the summer it is a gathering place for the miscreants.  Every Wednesday there is a musical event at the Pocket Park in the summer.  Then the usuals sit behind the Brooks House and enjoy the free concert.

After one gets up to date at the Brooks House the remeedigus moves on.  Close to the Brooks House is the headquarters for the Hazen Star.  The Hazen Star is the local paper.  Kadizzle has always made it a point to know the editor.  Currently Kadizzle is breaking in a new young editor.  Kadizzle sits with the editor and tries to cure him of his right wing bent.  The Hazen Star likes those right wingers.  After informing the editor about what the paper should contain, Kadizzle leaves knowing he had little if any effect.

Since the sewing shop is nearby Kadizzle might go in there and see the sewing lady. She is always cheerful and busy.  Often her husband is there helping make the boat covers, the seat covers, and what ever else needs sewn.  The place is always a mess and it looks like an explosion just took place in a garment factory.

Now for the big ride to the Library.  At the library Val, Erica, and Judy each own their own view of the world.  Erica is a young artist that always is dressing on the edge for Hazen. Erica is up to date on the things that young people need to be up to date on. Erica is a secret liberal.  Val is the commander at the library and Val has a heavy leaning to the right.  On some days Kadizzle gets Val stirred up in a heated political argument.  Erica might chime in on one side or the other, but is careful not to get on the wrong side of her boss Val.  Judy is the bird woman of town and knows what every bird is doing and which birds are passing from place to place. Judy likes to get out and enjoy the outdoors.  At the library as the cackle goes on usually some library customers come in and add to the cackle.  Often the library portion of the remedigus can go on as long as the Brooks House portion.

Once the library cackle dies down one might if desperate go to the coffee cackle at the Cenex gas station.  If there were such thing as a stationary remeedigus this would be it.  All the old farts gather at designated coffee spots to lie and get up to date.  There used to be three stationary remeedigus spots, the cafe on main street, Mel's gas station, and Cenex.  Mel's was a right wing conservative cackle place, and so was the Mainstreet BS center.  Cenex always had a more liberal bent.  Too much Fox News is watched and believed in Hazen, so no real facts are ever brought up most of the time.  A peculiar thing happened at Mel's.  One of the regular cacklers was accused of making a mess in the rest room.  The net result was the coffee club at Mel's abandoned the place and joined the Cenex group.  The merging of the right wing, and the left wing of the local coffee clubs might teach the congress how to get along.

The remeedigus is just about over, but a stop at the bank might be in order to see how Chuck is doing. Chuck owns the bank and is always up to something interesting.  If Kadizzle does not stop at the hardware store for some pop corn the remeedigus is over.

A successful remeedigus will get you up to date in a town this size.  Once you get home you know just about all you need to know.  Sometimes a stop at city hall is included in the trip.  There you can check on the forefront of government in Hazen. It is always wise to know what the elected scoundrels are up to.  A good remeedigus will reveal the contradictions.  Small towns run on rumors.  On a good remeedigus by an experienced remeedigus rider you can sort out a lot of fact from fiction, but never think with any certainty you have the truth in hand.

Most people who just go to one coffee meeting don't realize the danger.  Travel is essential to get the whole story.  Going one place for town gossip is like watching Fox News, all you will get is a lopsided set of lies.  To be well informed you need to hear a nice variety of lies.